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I was an outsider and even at 6'1" felt 'small' when I looked at the BMOCs on the football team etc.
Years later I attended the 100th anniversary of my school. I had the occasion to meet up with some of the former BMOCs and much to my amazement I towered over many of them.
Seems confidence cannot be measured (not even in metric) but it can be felt. Geez - if only I'd known then..... I still wouldn't go back to High School for any amount of $.
In HS I was nice to all 'levels' of people. Many of the popular girls were friends of mine until Grade 6 and we were not close anymore so that was a bit awkward. All that is gone now that I've been out 13 years.
Pre-teen, I was a red haired, freckle faced girl whose ears stuck out and at 5'6", I was considered tall, towering over my peers.
Then puberty hit. I lost the baby fat, found mascara, and my confidence soared. I was getting noticed. A new art programme was introduced as an option that year and I walked out of a business course on the first day, to sign up. That's where I found my creative self and more confidence.
I was also a rebel, fighting for the underdog and lost causes - as well as getting caught smoking in the staff room. And although I was part of the cool groups, I remained at their edges - not necessarily always my choice. I was different and outspoken, so they were intrigued but wary.
My fashion style got lots of attention (still does) and compliments from the popular, student council president and her peers. That helped my sense of 'self.' Things have changed, but not really. I'm remain at the edges of some things, but it's my choice these days.
Thanks gods for life after high school. :D
At our 10 year reunion, it was pretty much the same story. All the people who knew me by face only had to look at my name tag to sort of recognize me. The 10 year was kind of depressing - everyone was blonder and thinner.
Much better to be the fabulous out queer woman I am today!
xo
I still carry some of her with me, save the prolific artist focussing instead on going to school for too long to try and make as much as I can . Today I work hard to put my beliefs into action, but unfortunately mortgage bills keep me from doing this fully. Funny (and sad) how we always have something to loose by being ourselves 100%.
Best wishes,
Fashionable Fun