DISQUS

Alison · 1 year ago

I'm with Danielle. Telling people they look fabulous when they do is a wonderful way to spread the love. I've found that it brings out a person's character in some really surprising ways. I once told a lady I adored her frames: They were ornate and gold, and I couldn't stop glancing at them, and the way they were shining at me. I told her that I loved them, and she looked flattered for a moment before saying. "Thankyou! At first I thought them too expensive, but bah, I adoooored them too much!" Oh, fabulous shop stranger. If only I knew what your Style Statement was!

Danette · 1 year ago

Yes, I'm on the Love Train with Danielle too. Though sometimes I'm a little shy, when I do step up and give someone a genuine acknowledgment it is amazing to see the impact. It really can change someone's entire day, and by doing that, you change the day of the people around them.

Keiko · 1 year ago

I'm a little shy about this stuff too, but when I do go beyond my self and pass along the complement, you know what? It really changes my day for the better too!

Tara · 1 year ago

Definitely handwritten notes, or if its something important, I'll take the time to call. A text message or email just doesn't cut it for heartfelt thanks, apologies, get well or good luck!

Constance · 1 year ago

I tell people how glad I am to hear from them when they call. When I shop I compliment the sales associates if they've been helpful. And I tell their managers how good they are.
My children and now grandson have been brought up on positive comments about their goodness, kindness, humor, brains and beauty.

jennifersage · 1 year ago

My favorite win-win courtesy is a big smile. Give and get..Every day made better.

Look someone straight in the eye and smile at them.

Jody · 1 year ago

I'm with you Jennifer.
I always smile at people whether strangers on the street, a fellow shopper and especially my friends and family. Nothing gets through to people quicker than a big smile and they are infectious. People often can't help smiling back!
I also love giving genuine compliments to people whether they are a stranger or not. I figure everyone likes getting compliments as much as I do so why not brighten their day too.

SRead · 1 year ago

Acknowleding and listening to people in a way that''s meaningful to them. Working with people that are differently "abled"; individuals who are austic and non verbal have taught me the importance of true courtesy and how important it is to value and appreciate others. A smile and a hello are everyday courtesies that make a difference to everyone. In small communities on the east coast everyone waves as they drive by ......it's contagious. I also like to pitch in and help out when a house guest. And I always adhere to the leave no trace rule of the woods ...being a considerate guest in the outdoors is important too.

Jess · 1 year ago

When a cashier says "Have a good day," I like to make sure I say "You too."
Usually they're a little surprised and say, "Oh, thanks!"
I also make sure to say thank you whenever the waiter or waitress stops by to do a refill or something...I think it's rude if the table just keeps talking as if they're not there.

Kirsty · 1 year ago

Hand-made cards, and definitely saying 'hi' to those I pass on the street, on a run or on my bike. I love seeing the different reactions.

debbierodgers · 1 year ago

I'm with Carrie - I love to send out cards. I begin every day by doing that.

CarrieM · 1 year ago

Wow Debbie, everyday that's amazing. Do you a library of cards, make them???

debbierodgers · 1 year ago

I use an on-line service called Send Out Cards. I choose from their catalog
of over 13,000 cards (or make my own using my own photos),
type my
message, and they take care of the rest - printing, stuffing, addressing,
putting a stamp on it, and mailing it. All for less than the cost of a
store-bought card (even from the dollar store!)
You will be amazaed at the reaction that will you get from the people
in your life when you send unexpected, heartfelt cards.

CarrieM · 1 year ago

what a great idea! Thanks!

esargent5 · 1 year ago

I think we can promote world peace by saying please, thank you, excuse and and Danielle's HELLO with a smile. If everyone started being nce to each other, perhaps they would have a harder time killing each other -- Elizabeth

Juanita · 1 year ago

Well I know

Juanita · 1 year ago

I know it sounds old fashioned but I love it when someone opens the door for me - let me explain - I am petite and I have a mildly disabled daughter and we struggle with doors - so when someone runs up to open it and hold it for us - I get a warm fuzzy feeling that the world cares.

CarrieM · 1 year ago

Our CEO Dan runs to open doors, very gentlemanly!

Alison · 1 year ago

Is he single!?

L'Tanya · 1 year ago

I say the words "thank you" joyfully and freely. Back in '96, my husband lay in a coma for a week before he passed. We had a nurse from heaven. He was the kind of nurse that would talk to him and talk to us. After my husband passed, I called the hospital to speak with that nurse so I could say "thank you."

DanielleLaPorte · 1 year ago

that thank you from you to the nurse is probably still rippling out to her other patients.

Wazzy · 1 year ago

I used to borrow things from people and keep them....and keep them....until I practically forgot about them and couldn't find them. I outgrew that, and now I really try to return things as soon as I am finished with them, in a timely manner. This sounds like a little thing, but changing my way of thinking about what it means to "borrow" something and giving things back sooner has made me feel much better about asking in the first place. And also, It works the opposite direction as well--if I lend someone something, I don't feel bad about asking for it back!

Joannie · 1 year ago

Saying Thank You at every opportunity.

Sending Thank You cards at every opportunity.

Such a simple yet exquisite courtesy and like writing letters long-hand nearly extinct.

Joannie · 1 year ago

I would like to put a picture beside my name. How do I do that?

textimage · 1 year ago

this is from the "welcome" email i got from disqus:

Remember to upload a picture of yourself: http://disqus.com/account/

Daniel Gibbons · 1 year ago

Hi Joannie,
Have you signed up for a Disqus account? That allows you to add a picture and have your comments saved in one place so you can always get to them, no matter which website you leave them on.
Dan

textimage · 1 year ago

im a HUGE fan of "thank you", but saying "you're welcome" has an even more powerful effect (outward and inward). simply, genuinely accepting someone's gratitude is my favourite form of courtesy. "no problem" has quite a different reverb, no?

Lucy · 1 year ago

Or "my pleasure!"

I agree "no problem" has a very different quality...

textimage · 1 year ago

hummm, to me "my pleasure" is not exactly the same but YUM, very nice indeed. what i like about "my pleasure" is that it communicates that you are "in service" and i love seva. thanks for spotlighting in me this distinction.

DanielleLaPorte · 1 year ago

so glad you brought this up! "no problem" is a slight peeve of mine. it's a slight sluff off. "You're welcome," is so much more dignified and soft. I usually go with "my pleasure", because it usually is my pleasure to give.

textimage · 1 year ago

great minds think alike! i just posted my love of seva above ;-)

CarrieM · 1 year ago

Love receiving "your welcome" much better than " no problem".

Alison · 1 year ago

Words aside, I think the best thankyous and your welcomes are given very consciously and seriously. Its nice to see a warm look on a person's face, like they really care! If you can tell it matters by the way they're saying it, its wonderful. It shouldn't be done like a passing comment, not when you really mean it.

marn · 1 year ago

Anytime I call someone, or go into a store, I say "Hi, how are you today"!? I am the first one on the draw. It totally throws off some sales associates that may have otherwise just ignored me etc... but I find it does wonders in opening up communication & softening people.

AmyGuth · 1 year ago

People seem skittish about visiting sick people or helping families out after a funeral, but, I've always been glad to do it. I was raised to see it all as a natural part of life, and sometimes, can result in beautifully authentically human moments.

weezie · 1 year ago

This is a true gift; as you noted, not everyone can do it. What a comfort to those in need!

DanielleLaPorte · 1 year ago

yes, I agree with Weezie. This is a kind of love-courage that is rare.

jennifersage · 1 year ago

Amy, I love what you say here and you are so right about the depth of authentic encounter when we walk respectfully over the bridge to be with anothers loss and pain. It is when we can be still and so present with all of our heart.

I guess it must have been something that happened quite naturally in smaller communities when people did not move around so much. Sitting here reflecting on what you have said. reminds me of the gesture seen in parts of Asia. Head slightly bowed. hands in prayer postiton pointing out ward. Recognising the spirit present in another. You are reaching out to the hurting soul of another. God Spirit in human form. Grace and peace be with you
Jennifer

Alison · 1 year ago

That's lovely. Many people are often quite abandoned when they're grieving, which usually is just not what they need. Being around to assist takes strength, but what you're giving is the best kind of support. The kind that is really, truly, needed, and not often given.

Traci · 1 year ago

The fact that my answer to this question wasn't at the tip of my tongue tells me I need to change...and fast. Thanks for the eye-opener!

Nancy · 1 year ago

I love to bring a small gift when I am going to a friends home for dinner, or when I am spending the weekend at someone's home. I also love to send a personalized, "thinking of you" card when my friends are going through an issue in their lives.

Alison · 1 year ago

I love doing this. I adore giving gifts, especially precious little ones. Thoughtful and personalized or hand made things are the best.

MoJo · 1 year ago

This is such a great question! I'm a 'courtesy' freak! Gettin' on the love train and all - I go out of my way to tell people they look great. Yesterday I was walking down the street and there was a woman walking toward me in shorts, I could not stop staring at her legs - as I passed her I said "You have got absolutely gorgeous legs!". I think I scared her, but after a second she said, "Wow, thanks!". A couple days before, I told another woman that she looked fabulous and I liked her style. I don't know if it's a big-city thing, but people are generally taken aback at first. They especially get weirded out when you smile at them - at least 7 out of 10 times, people will look a bit worried and even look behind them to see who I'm smiling at. But I still do it. I'm pretty introverted, but for some reason I've always done this, and like doing it. Spread the love baby!

CarrieM · 1 year ago

I like your style! I love telling people they look great!

Andree · 1 year ago

Saying Hello is a revolutionary act that I also enjoy doing...people don't expect it and it often makes them smile. You could be the only person who offers him/her a warm greeting that day. Also, I like offering my seat on public transportation to someone who needs it more than I do. And like Danielle, I always go out of my way to compliment someone who has given me great customer service...if I can, I let his/her manager know as well.

weezie · 1 year ago

At some quiet point between Christmas and New Year's I transfer all the birthdates from my old datebook to a new one. I keep a stash of birthday cards handy to send out to all my friends and acquaintances. I ditto Carrie: nothing says "I care" like a handwritten note, and being a "charming dinner companion" can't be too overrated!

Amy · 1 year ago

I work in a customer service position. I try hard to treat everyone like they are special and try to give them my undivided attention. Often I get compliments for my service and that in turn makes me feel great. It's a win-win situation. :) Also, I'm very aware when I am receiving outstanding customer service and love to send letters to an employee's management letting them know what a gem they have. Somewhere I read that this is called an "Orchid" letter. People are quick to write "Onion" letters when they receive bad service but just expect good service, when we all know that it can be rare.

Candis · 1 year ago

Janice where are you here-
You are one of the most generous gracious hostesses,guests,gift bearin' delivery girl I have ever met.
It is a treat to have an amigo that takes such close note to all the details.
You should tell your tips!
C.

Michelle · 1 year ago

I like to call people the day after being hosted for a meal and say thank you.

Rushmi · 1 year ago

I love to comment on a piece of jewellery or clothing that someone is flashing...this could be the lady at the check-out, a stranger sharing a park bench....I love the conversations that ensue once a connection has been made. Everyone feels so connected as human beings - I am with carrie - I think it is so important to show our appreciation for our hosts and guests - small things like a thank you the next day goes a LONG way in fostering a community of Courteous people.

Betty Ann · 1 year ago

when someone sees you coming and will hold the door for you even if it means to wait a few seconds till you get there. Simple courtesy just means that I care.
Betty Ann

Linda Borland-Fitzgerald · 1 year ago

I do the following and more:

-send a 'thank you' or a call to the host of a dinner party the next day
-telling cashiers as their scowling their way through my order, that they have beautiful eyes, hair or smile (if I saw one) .. they really light up
-point out a particular talent of someone and lavish praise on them
-ask a small child if they're married and watch the reaction
-smile at strangers
-always verbalize a 'thank you' or appreciation in some way, like when someone holds a door for you

Carolynn · 1 year ago

Like Danielle, I love to stop a woman on the street, in the grocery store, where have you, and tell her that she looks fabulous.

I work in an area that has a lot of street people and while I don't often give money, I do meet their eyes and smile at them (unless they're high...then I don't engage).

I will treat people in the service industry (cashiers, etc.) as people and not automatons. I'll ask them how their day is going, get & use their name if I see them on a regular basis, or just make eye contact, smile & say a genuine thank you.

I'm big on thank you notes. An acknowledgment of any kind is great, but a handwritten thank you is the best.

GInger · 1 year ago

Giving and receiving fun cards, notes for no reason always brings a smile to my face. Really looking people in the eye and thanking for service, recognizing good work, etc. I love to give and receive compliments-if they are genuine.

stella · 1 year ago

I am never late...to me this is something that people don't pay enough attention to. It's a respect thing and I appreciate when it is reciprocated.

Katie Kay · 1 year ago

Stella ~ I so agree! I have friends that are chronically late and I think it is so rude. I try very hard to be on time or early, it shows respect for the other person.

Domestic Miss · 1 year ago

I so agree too! It is terrible when people are late and the problem is, whoever is late always is a serial offender! It's like they do it on purpose. When I was a child and I used to arrange an afternoon with a certain friend of mine, her mum would always, invariably drop her off a good 30-45 minutes after the agreed time. It used to drive my mum bonkers at the time; as for me, I felt a pang of embarrassment for both my friend and her own mother. Another friend's dad used to come and pick her up one hour after the agreed time, with the result that she used to stand by the window red in the face, as my mum was setting the table for dinner and her own dad was nowhere to be seen...

CarrieM · 1 year ago

Punctuality is about honoring your word and respect for others. Me too never late!

Domestic Miss · 1 year ago

Mine is giving, because there isn't much of it going on, yet, it makes so many people happy. I am not just talking about 'things' either; I am talking about giving time when your time is tight, giving good words when someone needs them (or when they are not even needed, all the better), giving a helping hand before it's asked for, giving in to happiness and giving up being on a selfish high horse. If only I could do half of these consistently! And on this note, I would like to link you all to a giving challenge project: http://29gifts.org/
I thought that the sort of people I believe to visit this site would be extremely interested in this small act of kindness. All the best!

Kristen · 1 year ago

To let a sista know that you recognize her certain fabulosity.....well lets just say we all need to say it as much as we need to hear it.

Alison · 1 year ago

So true. I hate letting that chance go by when they really ARE fabulous. Its like, who else is going to tell them right now!? Argh!

Katie Kay · 1 year ago

For me, it's the little niceties I try to do everyday. Let someone with 1 item go ahead of me at the market checkout, picking up something that a stranger has dropped and giving it back to them, helping someone that is struggling to do a simple task. It makes me feel really good, and usually puts a smile on someones face. It's the pay it forward theory.

JoeM · 1 year ago

Opening doors for others, saying thank you for support in any way, the courtesy of listening rather than talking, sharing a smile, sending thank you notes on excellent stationary, remembering people's birthdays with a card, bringing home flowers for no reason at all, offering help on a task to anyone who might need it, and this list could go on and on.

We're all sharing in the this experience called life. No reason why we can't make sure it is a good one for everyone here.

Joe

CarrieM · 1 year ago

so very thoughtful Joe. I like to remember a desire someone casually mentioned and then give it on their birthday.

Daniel Gibbons · 1 year ago

A few weeks ago, my wife and I were leaving a coffee shop with our daughter in her stroller. She opened the door so that I could push the stroller through, and a guy barged in and said "thanks" in an irritated, entitled manner. I mention this because it amazes me that people DON'T open doors for women (or men) with strollers, let alone push past them to get their caffeine fix!

Domestic Miss · 1 year ago

I agree and I am flabbergasted that certain women see it as an insult. I mean... I am a girl and I was once told that 'I can open my own doors thanks', as if I had been a sexist cast-off from the 1950s who thinks women are for cooking meals. Blimey... I am careful who I open my doors for these days!

Alison · 1 year ago

Don't be. Your heart's alliance is more important than theirs. I know that everyone on here appreciates the art of chivalry.

Natasha_L · 1 year ago

Turning off the cell phone during meals. Or if I forget and leave it on and it rings, apologizing to whoever I'm with and turning it off. I wish this was a more "common" courtesy.

DanielleLaPorte · 1 year ago

good one! inspires me to turn off my Berry before the next out-of-office meeting. Focus and respect.

Domestic Miss · 1 year ago

Which reminds me of a friend of mine whose gaze always, always, always wanders as we are having a conversation, to the point whereby she starts interjecting questions about 'that guy's car' as I am talking about something completely different. Either I am deadly boring, or she lacks basic manners.

Lori_from_Texas · 1 year ago

Oh No! This is me! Thanks for saying what you did about a wandering gaze. I am always taking in my surroundings and noticing and then I have to wrangle my focus back to the person I'm with. It does take a lot of effort, especially in a public setting like a restaurant to be disciplined about my gaze. If I'm with someone who does this, I usually follow their ADD rabbit trail and we circle back to whatever we were talking about, but. Again, thank you for giving me a new perspective.

alligator_kate · 1 year ago

My mom's a social worker who raised me to always try to see things from the other person's perspective. Growing up if a kid said something mean to me I often just wanted my mom to comfort me, and instead she would talk about what might be going on in that kid's life. Though I didn't always appreciate it at the time, I am so grateful to her for teaching me to think that way. I try to notice when people need help without having to be asked, and I try not to take it personally if I feel the brunt of someone's anger. A little compassion goes a long way, and can sometimes completely change the energy of a situation.

Kelsey · 1 year ago

Holding doors open for people, especially if they have their hands full. I always appreciate it when someone holds the door for me, or even if they justs give it an extra push to keep it from slamming in my face. I admit, when someone doesn't take that little effort and a door does sort of slam on me, it irks me! Also, if someone drops something I help them pick it up or have my kids help them. And smiling when I'm out and about, even driving!

Pam · 1 year ago

I like when someone holds a door for me. I think it shows respect, politeness and just real general kindness.

Joy Yoga, Lindsey Lewis · 1 year ago

I'm careful with my words, especially around people who are most attached to them (friends, family, my luvva). I once read that we extend more courtesy to people we work with than we do the people we love. How wacko!! I really appreciate it, and expect it, in return.

I'm also on the Hello Love Train. Small town practice in the big city. Let's shine out from our computer-chained selves.

Alison · 1 year ago

Its important to remember to treat the people close to us with respect. Its often forgotten in the face of habit and comfort, but its true, we do need kindness and consideration. Being kind and considerate of each other behind closed doors is probably the purest form of kindness. Continuing to treat each other in such a way, well, it makes it more special.

Heather · 1 year ago

Making eye contact and saying thank you, even if it is for something small or insignificant. I want people to know that I am grateful when they treat me with respect or kindness, even if it is their job to do so.

Mary · 1 year ago

How about those moments when you let someone know, as gently and un-obstrusively as possible, that they have something that I know I would want to know about myself. As in, stuff on or between my teeth, a shirt on in-side out, a hem lifted. It seems to be rare, judging from peoples reactions, and I've never had a hostile response, the opposite in fact. Reading the comments so far, I think I'll try harder to find something that looks great about them first...

Ngonzi Truth Crushshon · 1 year ago

Putting handles on names....Mr. Mrs. Sir or Ma'am. You should give respect to everyone-children too. Smile and speak to everyone (yes, even the homeless person on the street). I believe everyone deserves a hello and acknowledgement that they exist. I like to say thank you by word and small note-many times we focus more on the bad than we do on the GOOD!!! In the best of us there is some bad, but in the worst of us, there is some GOOD. I try to focus on the GOOD in people.

ChaseLisbeth · 1 year ago

Asking someone how his or her day is going - and then pausing and really trying to listen to the response.

Alison · 1 year ago

Its too bad that most people automatically say "Good, thanks!". Like its a pretend conversation.

storyteller · 1 year ago

I try to give specific compliments. Instead of "you look great" or "great shirt" I try to keep it about the person, "that shirt sure brings out the green in your eyes, gorgeous" or "great mint in that salad". God is in the details.

laurie_matthews · 1 year ago

It's the simple things that in our crazy world are easy to forget, but so meaningful. Saying hello, being cordial, giving people compliments when you notice something beautiful about them.

Lori_from_Texas · 1 year ago

When someone is behind me in the grocery store check out line and they have just a handful of things, I let them go ahead of me. On the road, I wave express thanks to drivers who let me into their lane.

Lori_from_Texas · 1 year ago

Sorry, that should be, "I wave to express thanks to drivers who let me into their lane."

colleenoverman · 1 year ago

I agree with Danielle, in that I make an effort to compliment women on how they look. It is such fun to look for what is beautiful in others. Though, probably my favorite form of courtesy is the "happy wave" given when someone lets me in or is a kind driver on the road. What sheer pleasure to give or receive the happy wave. Ridiculously fun.

leah · 1 year ago

i try to look people in the eye and give them a small but sincere compliment.. also when i ask someone "how are you" it is a sincere question and i pay attention to the answer.

Cobby · 1 year ago

I love to handwrite letters to people. I love to write them to congratulate people, to thank people or to just encourage them. I have had more people tell me how much they appreciate, enjoy and feel lifted by getting a good old handwritten note on exquisite paper.

Scott424 · 1 year ago

I like to talk with people in the service industry about how their day is going. I look them in the eye and say hello before ordering. I like to use their name if they're wearing a tag. It's amazing the positive responses I get from expressing warmth and humour to folks who can have some challenging days. I'm also a huge believer in 'the wave' while driving. If someone lets me in or does something considerate, I wave. Even if someone cuts me off and gives me a wave, it's so much more of a human interaction and therefore easier to understand. Bring on the wave.

DHayes · 1 year ago

The courtesies I practice myself are holding the door for people coming behind me (rather than letting it slam shut in their face which I see happen more often than one might imagine) and letting people merge into traffic. Very small things admittedly. The one I love from other people is when a man puts his hand just at the small of my back and guides me through a crowded room. Its a move that requires finesse, not everyone can carry it off, but when done correctly it has such an air of old-worldly chivalry and makes me feel so treasured.

Kim · 1 year ago

I replace things that I see are depleted. Like, if I'm at work and I see that the paper towels are gone, I put a new roll in the holder, even if I'm not the one who took the last paper towel. If I take the last cup of coffee, I make a new pot. If I see the printer or copier is low on paper, I put more in for the person coming behind me. It takes so little time to leave the world (or your office) in a better state than you found it.

Elisabeth · 1 year ago

I think my favorite is also giving compliments - commenting on something about someone that I admire, whether it's their boots or earrings or whatever. But I also like to give people a big smile and say thank you. :)