-
Website
http://carrieanddanielle.com -
Original page
http://carrieanddanielle.com/what-is-the-best-relationship-book-you-have-read/ -
Subscribe
All Comments -
Community
-
-
Top Commenters
-
Popular Threads
All Comments
It gives you permission to move on and not try to make something out of nothing. If a mate loves/likes you, he calls. He makes plans. And, it's okay if someone's not that into you. So what? Stop wasting time thinking about it and let go. Make room for someone else who is deserving of you!
On a personal note, I was one to poo-poo or roll my eyes over self-help books, having matured in a time when they were expanding the shelves of bookstores and very "in your face" about everything; I guess I didn't feel the need for anyone to sayu "I'm o.k.; You're o.k."! The "How to Survive..." book grabbed me in a time when I was only learning about having need of any kind, and it didn't leave my side/briefcase/handbag for about 18 months. It brought me laughter and comfort with it's irony and honesty, and taught me the stages of grief, and that grief comes with losses other than death.
Example: my honey's language is words of affirmation, so I make him a thoughtful card to tell him what makes him loveable. My mom's language is gifts, so I take lots of care in selecting something meaningful and wrapping it well. My daughters language is quality time, so I stay up late and tell her fairy stories. I am acts of service, so if my honey wants "a sure thing" he loads the dishwasher & runs the vacuum in the living room.
Not that we don't need all 5 things, but one usually says LOVE more than the others.
Don't Call it Love by Patrick Carnes
The Enneagram: From a Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr
Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship
by Thomas Moore
© 1994, HarperCollins Publishers, New York, NY
I have attended several workshops hostbe by David Schnarch (not nearly enough) - a wonderfully sexy man, himself!
Also, John Gottman is one of my favorites. What better than to find out what couples actually DO!
The other books that have impacted my relationships are the Emmanuel Series and the Bartholomew Series - all channelled books that help me stay authentic and genuine - what I need to remember in relationships.
Read it if you are an introvert or an extrovert. It will assist you in understanding how the brain processes info for these 2 types.
Read The Cook's Story, the first chapter from the book, here:
http://www.pobronson.com/The%20Cooks%20Story.pdf
I think I cried when I heard him read this story in London. If we all had friends like The Cook, we'd be lucky people.
I heard Esther speak at a conference and was compelled to read her book. I recommend it to anyone committed to keeping or reclaiming erotic passion in their marriage or long-term relationship.
Here's what two reviewers had to say:
“Perel says the kind of things that are so contrary to popular wisdom, they actually sound blasphemous - and yet, at precisely the same moment that you’re being shocked by her, you’re also acknowledging the validity of her ideas. Perel’s ideas are...instantly familiar because they resonate deeply. It’s all rather terrifying in its intuitiveness and its pure rightness.”
-- The Observer (England)
“Esther Perel is a fearless writer and thinker who will challenge your views about sex in a radical and fundamental way. She has the most original, edgy, intelligent, and high-spirited voice out there on passionless sex versus erotic vitality. She writes like a dream, making it nearly impossible to put down this book even when you want to.”
-- Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of Dance of Anger
www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com
Thanks for the kick in the butt...today I am reserving a few books
from the library. The Five Love Languages seems to be a top pick...I also recently posted about Ian Kerner on my blog and his books look excellent. The titles of the ones I was drawn to are Love in the Time of Colic, Passionista, the Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man, and She Comes first (for my hubbie). I have a link below if you want to see the covers and his website.
I did recently read a book called the Surrendered Wife that really hit home in a few areas...it's about letting go of control and letting your husband take care of you without criticism. I can be very critical of my guy...I need to work on that.
www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com
It's not about relationships per se, but it helps you learn to love and be kind to yourself, so that you can then love and be kind to others.
While not a "relationship" book per se, Thich Nhat Hahn's Teachings on Love has utterly transformed the way I love and move in this world. The Buddhists have been cultivated love for thousands of years; this is a great introduction to the live-changing practice of loving-kindness meditation. Transformative. This has been a major key for me in healing from child abuse and neglect.
Hold Me Tight, by groundbreaking couples' therapist Sue Johnson, is amazing. It looks at our romantic relationships as attachment bonds (which they are!). Our bonding pattern is formed by our relationships with our parents, and if we enter into relationships unconsciously, we will seek to repeat those patterns in our romances. She does a good job showing how to communicate our feelings and attachment needs with each other so that we can repair both the current relationship and our original wounds, instead of entering into circles of reactive arguing. Great stuff.
A few more: If the Buddha Dated and If the Buddha Got Married are amazing.Sex, Love, and Dharma is good as well. Boundaries and Relationships helped me understand a lot of things about my Self and relationships that I was never taught.
So easy in words...it's listening to yourself that's the hard part. Read the book...and don't paint your red flags green.
I also love the passage On Marriage in Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet on marriage... And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
I'm unsure if this gem is still in print, but I checked and it is available on Amazon.com from other sellers.
What makes it important is to compost the knowledge with huge amounts of life experience.
Stop judging and blaming
Start loving (self and others)
Value the moment
Forgive
Laugh at yourself sometimes
Be tender with yourself always
Share your vulnerabilities
Make fair and ethical choices
Be willing to serve others.
Acknowledge that none of this is easy to do all the time in fact it is bloody hard
S..T happens
Love yourself and others anyway with huge compassion and patience
Sometimes it is safer to walk away especially if you or vulnerable ones you are responsible for are in physical danger
Start at top of list again
Write your own list: Trust me it will be better than mine
Have respect for your own wisdom and truth
My own best read has to be Byron Katie's "I Need Your Love -Is that True?" How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval,and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead. It's not new information but what is are the very simple tools that she gives us to find them for ourselves. These tools consist of four questions and a turn around and are known as "the Work" by Byron Katie. This has been by far the most effective body of work that I have encountered. It has helped me find peace even in the most tulmoltuous places in life. I do "the work" regularly when I have a stressful thought and I find I want to share it with every one.
As
Thanks for some good ideas!
May be I will google it and see what I get
If the Buddha dated and married are great also
Everyday Blessings by john kabat-zin ... its a parenting book but applies to all relationships ... the author tells us the answer to "what women really want" and we all want the same thing, women, men or children ...
***Sovereignty*** ... so true - allowed to be true to our self, allowed to make our own decisions - not limited or denied... to like what one likes, love what one loves ... we simply need to honor the essence of our partners and children
A book I discovered this summer and really found enlightening is The One: Discovering the Secrets of Soul Mate Love, by Kathy Freston. It includes a very thought provoking chapter on handling crises. While many other sources might be judgmental on "The Affair", Kathy's message is that being attracted to someone outside your marriage may be your spiritual hunger at work. She says "If we heed this wake-up call soulfuly, we can use it to open our hearts and minds, which will often bring us back to nourish the relationship we're in." Perhaps a topic for a future blog-- Resisting Temptations?
He also wrote "The Four Agreements" which could also be described as a relationship book.
Both are insightful and inspiring.