DISQUS

Kristin · 1 year ago

I'm with Danielle - regret doesn't really jive for me, as I can always twist it into some sort of lesson, even the whoppers. That said, I have spent far too much time expending energy brooding over, missing, or trying to psychoanalyze people (especially men). Clearing out the people who don't help me become my best self has been transformational.

Caroline · 1 year ago

Should have listened to myself earlier - teens and twenties were a time of doing what i though would make other people happy/proud of me. Should have listened to gypsy blood earlier. Should have realised that a high-flying legal career was a mask for NOT listening to what I really wanted and to the pain that lay underneath. But, hell, if I was born grown up there would have been nothing to do over the past 35 years. And there's plenty of discovering and loving and changing left to do. I don't cry over the should-haves (so much) any more.

Joanne · 1 year ago

I should've studied English Literature at college instead of Business Studies. And I regret not enjoying my 20s more, I was too nervous and timid.

Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago

At nearly 62 I can look back at lots of not so great decsions that seemed OK at the time. All contain lessons that make up for an advanced degree in the school of life. I deeply value those lessons.

That said I wish I had stuck with regular jogging and maybe learnt a musical instrument.

Julia · 1 year ago

I married a guy I hardley knew because I was swept off my feet by a beautiful renegade...my gut told me it was wrong, and I wish I had listened. The marriage ended disasterously early and it caused a lot of pain for me and my family. The upside is, the pictures of the reception party are priceless. The most important friends and family were there, and they wanted to celebrate me. Some of the relativesin those pictures are now passed away, and little children are going off to college. At least that gathering of people and the intention was positive. But lesson learned: get to know a guy and his family before you rush off and get married. There are some boyfriends/girlfriends that need to be flings! The long term commitment is a totally different thing. Don't get married because you feel pressure or that everybody else has a spouse! Wait!

Julia · 1 year ago

oh--I am with you Kristin about "clearing out the people who don't help me become my best self"! There are some people in my world that have taken advantage of me and given nothing back. I take responsibility for it and it is O-V-E-R.

Julia · 1 year ago

Well, I was buck wild and partied all the time. That didn't help me take advantage my twenties either. Don't feel bad, Joanne!

Brenda · 1 year ago

Putting so much of myself into fruitless relationships,AND STAYING. Still working on changing this.

don · 1 year ago

Shoulda believed in my abilities and talents. Each and every so called mistake or wrong turn was due to lack of confidence. I am quite good at a lot of stuff and I was the last to know. Late starter, strong finisher!

Suzie Sunshine · 1 year ago

"Regrets - I've had a few" - but I've learned how to turn a negative into a positive. I think it's the way I grow, by trial and error. I just wish that my learning mistakes hadn't hurt other people that I loved. Asking for and receiving their forgiveness has been the greatest gift that I have ever received. Better to own up to your regrets than try to bury them and pretend that they never happened.

Mini · 1 year ago

Not sure who said it, but it is soo true....
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.”

Shoulda have said "Yes" when I said "No".
Shoulda said "No" when I said "Yes".
I try not to have regrets - but in 48 years I can only count three times or instances in my life where I have pangs of regret...

Shoulda went to Radio and Broadcast School after being accepted to Conestoga, - after graduating from Humber with PR diploma.

Shoulda said "Yes" to Frank.

Shoulds said "No" to that one job offer I accepted when my gut told me to!

But when it comes right down to it - I believe everything happens for a reason - and I am where I am because of decsions I have made - right or wrong....good or bad....

What I have learned is to listen to my authentic self - and just trust - and believe!

Say la vie!
Life goes on!

Cheers!
Mini

Colette · 1 year ago

I don't have any should'ves either. Back in the late 80's I heard Rita Davenport say "Stop shoulding on yourself," and I took it to heart. Things I once thought were "bad" situations, choices, etc. I now see were all lessons I learned that moved me forward to where I am now. And, as painful as some of that has been, I would not change a thing. I am smarter, wiser, stronger and more compassionate because of the ravines in life I fell into, of which I've climbed out. It is all good. (no matter how it feels at the moment)

Joannie · 1 year ago

What do I regret? That I didn't love myself earlier in my life. That when I was young and beautiful I thought I was ugly and fat. That I'm sometimes afraid to speak my truth even though I believe we are all here on earth to help one another live a spiritually authentic life. That it took me so very long to truly know what real love is and how painful it can be (Kahlil Gibran). That I didn't know that love chooses us, not the other way around (Leonard Cohen). That when someone has had the courage to be vulnerable with me I've sometimes not 'heard'. That when someone has had the courage to ask me for something they've needed I've not endeavoured to meet their need.

As I've written this I also realize I regret being such a perfectionist, then I would realize that everything can be transformed and there is no need for regret.

L.K. · 1 year ago

Here, here!

Elaine · 1 year ago

I regret opening a business. It bombed and I am still paying off the loan we took to start it.

Traci · 1 year ago

I'm on this bandwagon, too.

Tabitha · 1 year ago

Never lived alone, and that's something everyone should try.

Meredith · 1 year ago

Oh mom! You've got me tearing up. I'm a silly, sobby little mess at my desk in the office right now. Really hoping nobody sees me...

If you hadn't followed your path & trusted your journey, you wouldn't be who you are today and we love you for being just that. Plus, don't sell yourself short - you taught your two very proud daughters a lot about courage and blazing your own trail despite what other's think. Koodos! Love ya!

Now I have to dry off my keyboard.

Vix · 1 year ago

Letting others decide from me how far I may go and believing it.
I regret not being bolder, braver more daring and then simply seeing what happened in my 20s- late 30's.
I regret not trusting the universe to assist me to manifest all i desire - but at least i am doing it now! wisdom is a beautiful thing

Tammy · 1 year ago

I regret perming my hair in 1989 (BIG mistake!)- but doing it actually made me learn to love and accept myself the way I am. I love and accept my straight hair!! It is what it is! I have learned to work with what I've got instead of trying to change into something I'm not. A Jamaican woman I used to know said they have a saying in Jamaica that seems appropriate for so many things: "If you can't hear it, you've got to feel it." I also regret not leaving south Florida after college. I've found myself pining for other climes, but feeling too stuck (by time, family, jobs, etc.)to get out of here, and not sure where to go. I just want to be free to explore. There's lots of things I regret, but having some regrets kind of propels you forward too- impetus to change, make amends, dream, hope for the future, strength in knowing what NOT to do next time.

Krystl · 1 year ago

I regret that on "what's your favorite quote" day I didn't remember this one - "she's an artist, she don't look back." That's Bob Dylan. And my Dad, who quotes it frequently. And me, as I remind myself not have regrets, since I have the sort of personality that can really do damage to myself if I let regrets take hold. I get into an energy-sucking spiral of self-flagellation. So, no regrets! Maintain forward motion!

Candace · 1 year ago

yeah Danielle, me being from Michigan knows that, Detroit rocks you missed out. :) I regret not taking more risks when I was younger. I regret not traveling a month overseas before landing a "real job".

MoJo · 1 year ago

So many interesting answers - love it! As with most, when I tried to think of things I regret, I could clearly see the learning and growth that came of them, so it was hard to say I fully regretted them - plus, as Danielle said - regret doesn't really jive with me (probably because its a dis-empowering black hole that I've learned to avoid for my own well-being!) That said, I would say that leaving the National Ballet School in Grade 11, in an attempt to make a (very naive and idealistic) statement against political involvement in arts, is probably the major one. Dance was the first place I experienced what I now call 'the flow' and I threw the baby out with the bathwater, whilst making my stand - I collapsed my anger with the institution onto my joy of dance, and lost both. But then I traded the hours of training with hours of hedonistic experimentation - which I have to say, taught me more and faster than any other period in my life. But enough...damn, these questions are great...

Romana Mirza · 1 year ago

I think "I should have stayed in LA to pursue that career - rather than coming back to Toronto to marry that guy who walked out on me only 11 months after our wedding!" Then I think, no that was meant to happen. I have learned deep compassion from that experience and I'm blessed to have learned the lesson. So, I still do regret not staying in LA to make a go of it, but I don't regret it more.

Beccie · 1 year ago

Ok, I don't even know you, but you have me crying too! I think answering these questions along with your mom is a beautiful connection.

Missy · 1 year ago

Regrets don't live in my world as regrets anymore. 'Regrets' are just simply what was meant to be in life. Perhaps to learn a lesson in life, or to move on to something more profound in your world.

Cindy · 1 year ago

This would be the exact statement I would have made! I wish I had picked a career based on what I loved to do instead of what I "should" do or what was considered a fiscally responsible job :) I was also very nervous and worried about absolutely everything when I was younger. But now, I am back on track. I know now that I want to be a Screenwriter and I am going to do absolutely everything I can to make that happen. I hope that you still pursued your love of literature and that you are making sure to integrate it into your life!

Beccie · 1 year ago

The timing of this question could not be more appropriate than now. I would like to be as openly philosphical as many here, but I do have regrets. Many I can say I wouldn't change, for they have assisted with the molding of me. But I can honestly say, re,re,re,re,& re letting my mother-in-law back into our lives will always lay heavy on my heart. But thanks Kristin for your inspiring wording, "Clearing out the people who don’t help me become my best self has been transformational." That gave me a goal and a light at the end of the tunnel. As for the rest of my life, even if I didn't pursue my singing career, or finish that last semester in college, or leaving a wonderful job to be a stay at home mom; I am were I am in my life because of these choices, and I could not be happier.

Tess · 1 year ago

Lots of regrets...though I try not to dwell on them.
THE BIGGEST regret is not listening to my intuition 4 years ago when my kids wanted to go hunting with their Dad and that whole week I just had the feeling something was going to happen. My son hadn't been baptized yet and growing up Catholic I tried my best all that week to get him baptized but to no avail.
Their Dad died that weekend due to a horrible accident and my son almost died (he has diabetes and search and rescue didn't find them until the next day and his blood sugar was really low) and now my kids will suffer the rest of their lives because of it. I can live with and deal with the things I've done that hurt myself but seeing your kids suffering beyond belief is really hard to live with.

Debbie R · 1 year ago

Caroline - my life seems to have parallelled yours but 20 years earlier and in accounting instead of law.
Don't despair. As you said there's plenty left to do - and you can listen now. I did at your age and I'm in a FANTASTIC place in my life now.

karen · 1 year ago

funny -- i just had one of those nights when you wake up and replay all of your regrets! it is painful to replay. i would somehow like to inform my regrets that they have no power over me. but how?

Cindy · 1 year ago

But you had to be incredibly brave to take that leap - kudos to you because this is something that lots of people talk about, but never actually try. At least you tried, and the next time, it will probably be that much easier to be courageous and try something else new.

Karel · 1 year ago

I wish I had been a more loving mother when our children were young... listened more and talked less, read more books to them, played more with them, and, and, and.... I also wish I had learned to make decisions when I was growing up... and NOT have had them all made for me.

Maureen · 1 year ago

I regret wasting my college experience, and wasting my parents' money. I wish I had gone to class, learned a lot, made friends, found work I loved . . . instead I hung out with my druggie boyfriend. What a waste.

anactoria · 1 year ago

I regret not remembering my grandparents more. I regret losing my first language. I regret not taking chemistry. I regret drifting away from old friends. I regret not acting seven when I had the chance. But few of these I could 'fix'; they are forgotten, lost, and roads never taken for a reason. We think rolling, or not rolling, with the punches leaves us with few regrets. Regrets are simply unfinished business and we'll never get away from that. Things happened or didn't happen for a reason. You accept that or you don't. I study genealogy, I study my first language (and plenty of others!), dabble in chemistry for a hobby, and accept that friendship isn't permanent. And if I want to stay up all night watching cartoons and eating cookies and ice cream, I DO IT. ^_^

Emily Cline · 1 year ago

I wish I'd been able to kick my former fiance out of my life a whole lot quicker than I did. I could've been spent those two years way better than I did -- crying over someone who never deserved me.

laurie_matthews · 1 year ago

I regret not staying true to myself in my last relationship, but trying to be the person he wanted me to be. In the end I wasn't happy and he left the relationship anyway without an explanation. It was an eye-opening experience because I didn't think I had any trouble being myself. I thought I was strong, but I learned I can be stronger.

Rushmi · 1 year ago

I should have been more focused about my education (I did get 2 degrees, but in nothing I really loved). I fixed that later by getting a degree in business. I should have been less shy and timid - I fixed that by loving myself and letting others see the real me. I should have said what I was really thinking and feeling instead of letting others think for me. I fixed that by making sure my voice is strong and heard.

The past should haves are gone. I don't live there anymore. It's all changeable and fixable.

lisaohhh · 1 year ago

i wish i would have been kinder to my body. i regret the hurtful things i've done to other people, for example, 16 years ago, avoiding a boyfriend for days and days, even hiding in the dark while he was at the door, because i didn't have the skills or the guts to break up with him. cruel! i regret many of the mean things i have said in the heat of an argument.

Ngonzi Truth Crushshon · 1 year ago

I shoulda stayed in Nashville.....but I missed my family and friends in Chicago.

I should start the GENERATION HOPE mentoring youth program...fulltime and screw the 9-5pm job....but I have bills. Where will the money come from?

I should go to Africa more often....it makes me more appreciative of the things I DO HAVE and focused on what is REALLY important...not money, not clothes, not cars, not houses.....but God, family, friends, love and happiness!!!

Nia · 1 year ago

Gone away for college. Stopped cutting my hair. Stayed in New York. Not become so deeply romantically involved with one person so early in life. Ever allow myself to be silenced.

Leslie · 1 year ago

I regret that i did not complete my teacher's certificate when i was in college. I regret that i chose a job that i thought would bring me money and has actually brought me more emotional turmoil and frustration and now i am in a bad job market. I regret that i never did mission trips to help others when i was younger.

Jamie Lees · 1 year ago

It's ok Danielle I'm outside of Detroit and saw my share and your share of concerts!

My regrets are not finishing a B.A. and not taking celtic dance. That's it! The rest good or bad has brought me to where I am today. And that is a pretty amazing place.

Jamie
www.marketown.ca

Jen · 1 year ago

My one tangible regret is not walking into that comic book shop in Dublin when I was living abroad at 18. I wanted to be an artist and was trying so hard to be serious and grown up, but was lonely, feeling down, and too afraid to go in. I thought at the time that I had to already know all about everything in order to accepted and not a laughing stock.

My big lesson in this was to remember we all start somewhere, and it is only by doing that we learn, and to follow that which draws in our soul. (pun wasn't intended, but always welcome) I also learned that as a cute (hadn't realized that yet either) 18 year old girl interested in comics, I probably would have made a few friends! :P

leanne · 1 year ago

"Don't should on yourself."

It's a challenge for me to remember this bit of advise some days, (especially after yet another friend in her late thirties/early forties announces that she's pregnant or getting married).

But, I remind myself of the certainty I have that although the path I have travelled on the way to my ultimate destination may not have always been the easiest or the one of least resistance, (and I am still not where my heart is guiding me), the lessons learned between the heartwrenching moments of pain and blissful interludes have all brought me a few steps closer to that place that is waiting for me...that I am creating by this life that I am living.

Spending time shoulding on myself will not get me there any faster, or undo choices made in the past. I am, right now, where I am meant to be, and for better or worse, I own the choices that brought me here.

Lea · 1 year ago

Moved to Ulster earlier.

Steve · 1 year ago

I regret few things...which is a real relief. I know what it's like to have that sensation and it drives me crazy. However, that being said, I do regret not listening to my gut in a few situations. I punish myself when I hear my inner voice saying "I told you so" after the fact. Whether it is a piece of new clothing I never wear, a business decision that doesn't align with my goals or getting rid of something sentimental because clutter has no place in my home...I sometimes regret the little things or the band aid solutions that don't serve the higher purpose. Thanks to you guys (C&D), I now realize (well I always did I just need a refresher every other year!) there is a simple solution...have Faith in my first thought, instinct and intuitive nature. Funny - so clear to see now...but a challenge in the moment. The irony? SS: Creative Faith

weezie · 1 year ago

I am with you! Although I don't regret my relatively early marriage, I'd really have liked the experience of living and making it on my own.

Ellen · 1 year ago

I regret being disrespectful to myself physically and financially.
I'm paying for those things now.

Scott · 1 year ago

I regret not making more big whopping mistakes - although stingingly painful my greatest teachers have been the whoppers! They have taught humility, thoughtfulness, consideration, deep looking within and courage. kinda transforms the two dimension into a whole three dimension. Makes me wonder why one tries to hide or smooth over...

Ruth · 1 year ago

I regret not having been nicer to my younger sister growing up. I think she forgave me, because we are recreating our relationship now. I regret that it took some really stupid decisions for me to learn and let go of some things while I hurt my husband, then boyfriend, in the process.

Elaine · 1 year ago

I regret opening a business. It was not successful and 4 years later I am still paying off the debt.

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

i've found myself in the same situation, where you suddenly realize a relationship is completely one sided... but then when you question what YOU'RE getting out of it, it comes down to something lame like 'feeling needed', which is something you could get in far more positive experiences and relationships (like volunteering for a good cause.)
it's all about being aware & getting out as soon as you realize you're in one of those energy sucking situations. forgive yourself & move on.

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

o my god. you are absolutely right. i should have spent my 20s as a nomadic soul travelling the world, taking pictures, writing about it, creating art along the way & loving random souls.

Carmelle · 1 year ago

Regret keeps you in the past, so i try not to regret anything of great magnitude.

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

i studied english lit. here's a secret: each course was based on a theme, and then you were given a list of books to read. for example, for women's literature, you got a list of famous / influential books written by women e.g. virginia woolf. if you want to experience english lit without going back to school, choose a theme or style or time period you're interested in (eg. travel, detective fiction, plays, poetry, etc) get a stack of books & start reading. a book club is the next best thing, especially if the group engages in lively discussions. read everything you can get your hands on & write about it after (this was often the format of courses, where you'd read & then write essays about what you read.) that's it. many books now contain book club / discussion questions in the back. you could simply try to answer a few of those. writing does help sort & organize your thoughts. it's honestly as simple as that (but was multiplied by something like 8 courses per term x 2 terms.) so, lots of books. i used to have piles of them, tripping over them. but you know what? you don't have to pressure yourself. i honestly didn't get as much out of books then as i do now that i actually have time to read at my own pace, digest what i'm reading, and move on. a book journal is a great companion, too. the one i have is called 'book love' and you write the title/author/date and then there's room for your thoughts. but you could do this with any blank journal or notebook (or a word document on your computer.)

so what i'm trying to say is: READ ON!

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

you must be a southern ontario gal, too! :)

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

beautiful.

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

a good friend and i compiled a list of things everyone should try to experience to become more emotionally mature. living solo was at the top of the list. (i prefer SOLO to ALONE since it sounds more positive and ... chosen rather than inflicted upon you)
one of the defining moments of my life happened when i was first living solo. i found myself standing in complete darkness late at night in the living room after a power surge that shut off the power. at that moment i had a choice: run like a baby into the front yard (where at least the streetlights were on) OR face my fears, feel my way to a drawer where i hoped a flashlight lived, and go down into the sp-p-p-ooky basement and make my way to the breaker box, where a flip of the switch would bring the lights back on (i hoped.) i chose the former and have never looked back.

other things on the list include:
- travelling by yourself (somewhere, anywhere... just go!)
- experience having your heart broken in a million pieces

i should try to dig up that list. it was good.

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

meant to say i chose the LATTER not the FORMER (i did go down into the dark basement!!)

just laughing now at how this changes the story

Tabitha · 1 year ago

That sounds like a REALLY good list!! Doing things solo is so cathartic. Even having lunch solo is fun... just sitting and watching people or reading.

One thing I haven't had the guts to do is watch a movie solo...

lael o'brien · 1 year ago

So many times I've been in a room with a 'celebrity' - artist, musician, whatever - somebody famous and wonderful to me. and so many times i am too shy to just walk over, shake their hand and introduce myself. the times when i have done it, were absolutely fabulous. i think the one highlight for me was having dinner at a favourite restaurant and sitting next to the painter, Gordon Smith, who is almost 90. i stuck out my hand and shook his, told him i was a big fan of his. he spoke with me for some time and asked questions, and then told me "he was a fan of mine". awesome. since then, i have started to work with his foundation and also becoming a collector of his work.
so - never pass up the chance to speak with someone, regardless of their fame or reputation if you appreciate what they do. you will regret what it might bring to your life or your spirit!

Leah · 1 year ago

Regrets are not usually a theme of my thoughts. But with this prompting, I do regret not paying enough attention to the "life stories" that my parents and grandparents were telling along the way. Now, a word or phrase, takes me back to one of those moments and I can't fill in the blanks and they are no longer here to help. I wish I had a better memory or had the foresight to write some of them down.

Keiko · 1 year ago

I should have stuck out the sports thing when I was a kid and not let my shyness and insecurities stop me from discovering my athletic tendencies. Should have taken photographs of all the adventures I had as a kid, especially through the 3 years of home schooling on a farm with my cousins!

The good thing about this exercise, is that I'm thinking of things that WOULD be a SHOULD if it was true...giving me a bit of foresight into what needs to be dealt with, apologized for, experienced, expressed in the now.

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

Ah yes. The gut. When the Spidey Senses are tingling...heed them. Time and again, this lesson has repeated itself in my life. The last time my Spidey Senses tingled about something major, I talked to Danielle about it and said, "But it's not logical!" She looked me straight on and said, "Why does it need to be logical? First thought - right thought. 'Nuff said."

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

Sydney Harris said it best: "Regret for things we have done can be tempered with time. It is regret for things we have not done that is inconsolable."

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

Told ya. Snort.

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

I got the teacher's certification. And that I DO regret. I spent a dozen years trying to change a system that won't change. Wanting so badly to make a positive difference and repeatedly hitting a wall, nearly broke my spirit. Then I met Carrie...and I learned that it's NEVER TOO LATE.

Joanne · 1 year ago

Danielle, It's not too late. Went to a Steve Miller concert this weekend, it was very rocking. Saw Stevie Nicks this summer, and Ringo. Don't miss the music! It's well worth it.

Steve · 1 year ago

So let it be written... *gracefully bowing*

Lisa D. · 1 year ago

I regret not having explored more in my college years (book stores, galleries, funky clothing stores) - instead I ran home every weekend to be with a loser boyfriend. I wish I would have spent more time with friends too instead of always wanting to be out dating.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

I think one of Christ's most under-utilized teachings is "don't throw your pearls before swine." Your heart, your ideals, your feelings are precious, why give them to someone who just isn't capable of caring properly for them? It took me awhile to get this, but reciprocity is a healthy, human expectation. Expectations don't always get met, but that doesn't mean you lower your expectations.
xo
D

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

so...what did you really want to do?

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

a book journal? great idea! we want to/will do do more on this site about Book Love!

kelsey · 1 year ago

Karryn, I love that quote, thanks for sharing it!

I am at a place in my life where I am getting comfortable with taking big(ger) risks. That is a good reminder that while my life at the moment might be a bit of a high-wire act with no net, the journey and end result (whatever it may be) will be soooo worth it!

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

three cheers from me too!

JoeM · 1 year ago

Any harm I might have done out of ignorance to any innocent being or entity. Not being there when someone might have needed me. All the future mistakes I'll probably make because I'm not awake and aware.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

okay, if we're talking about PERM regret, I've got a few. Along those lines, I also regret buying these pricey "clog boots" at Steven Allen in New York. Carrie loved them. I loved them, but I looked like a hobbit in them. I should have walked away. I gave them to McCarthy. She looks great in them.

kelsey · 1 year ago

I agree with many of you - that my choices (good or bad) have led me to where I am. And the mistakes along the way have been such big lessons that I am aware of and truly grateful for.

Having said that, I do regret not having the courage to end my marriage sooner. Hurting my husband and holding him emotionally hostage while I was too scared to let him go for several years was not fair and I feel horrible for that.

I also (sometimes) regret not having been bold and just moved to New York or L.A. in my late teens early 20's like my heart said I should... although, my life would have likely turned out so completely different. When I think of those early forks in the road and then I look at my two beautiful kids and the life I'm carving out for myself now, it makes those regrets disappear.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Eeshk...now I'm thinking of all things things I do actually regret (and, still, I deeply believe that all is for a reason, but...) me too, should have back packed Europe before I got ambitious, committed, and bought large furniture.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

your words bring up so many profound questions about fate, determinism, intuition, God, time, forgiveness...I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing this. It has me thinking, examining, feeling. Thank you.

Julia · 1 year ago

Well said! Sometimes we keep giving more with the hope that the other person will "get it" and return the love, trust, etc. It usually backfires!

Connie · 1 year ago

Whatever I regret would not be written on any website.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

this meditation works for me: ask your regrets to take a form. Maybe they all line up and symbolize a bird, or a shoe, or painting...whatever image you get, don't judge it.

Then, ask your regrets what gift they have to give you - take that image, that symbol, that gift, into your body. Feel how you feel.

Then, ask your regrets what gift they need from you to be free. It may be a color, a symbol, a word. Give it to them.

Put your regrets in a bubble and see the bubble floating up to the sky to pop...and become a star.

Julia · 1 year ago

Good for you! Acting 7 taps into your childlike curiosity and makes you more open to new things! Eat those cookies and ice cream. And buy premium ice cream---not the fake stuff!

Danielle · 1 year ago

As I prepare to make one of the biggest decisions of my life at 20 years old (Move from Baltimore, Md to Humboldt Ca)the idea of regrets keep trailing through my mind. Wondering about past regrets afraid of future regrets and regretting the idea of regret. However I decide to continue packing up my bags and prepare for a cross country trip with a man I barely know to an area I've never been to in the hopes of a better life. I'm happy with where I am inspite of the road sometimes not being the easiest traveled and I am excited for a new adventure. So at this point I have no regrets, I am clear and focused. Sharp, sure and swift and like my name says... God is my Judge.

Julia · 1 year ago

I understand exactly! I keep thinking I'm being prepared for something big...I am trying to be strong, but it takes practice and patience to understand this "purgatory".! Hang in there....

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

well hell, I'm so inspired by everyone's comments today, (and the thought of Steve Miller still rockin' out,) that I just booked tix for Alanis Morissette...and if I can get a sitter, we'll go see Shawn Colvin tomorrow night.

Action, baby, action.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Danielle, it's Danielle. I'm so happy that you know the definition of your/our name! It's also often translated as "God is my oath, my promise." A little lighter, but equally powerful for making decisions, whether you're in with a den of lions, or moving cross the country...

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

Fast forward five years: will you regret the adventure or not having taken the adventure? Besides, you wouldn't normal if something like this didn't put you on edge. May good luck stars shine upon you.

anactoria · 1 year ago

^_^ I recommend Haagen Dazs--anything with caramel. Cinnamon Dulce de Leche is a new one!

And thanks. My mom taught me young to not save things for 'a special time' and I think that ties right in with this. Every moment should be special and you shouldn't regret the shoes you didn't dance in, the perfume that went bad, or the night you'd like to forget. It's a package deal. ^_~

Ramona · 1 year ago

I regret not taking my education seriously enough... I should have earned grades that were good enough to go to Wellesley (still the school of my dreams)! I regret not leaving a relationship when I knew it was bad for me. I regret not learning to be a woman sooner than this... and, like you, I believe that I am exactly in the space where my choices have taken me; for this, I am grateful.

Infinite Love.

~Ramona

Ramona · 1 year ago

I, too, majored in English Literature and Language! I regret that I did not pay more attention! lol... I am pretty well read in spite of my lazy ways and myriad last minute paper-writing sessions. :-) Anyway, I love your idea of a book journal. I just started "really" reading Virginia Woolf again a few days ago. I have always wanted to go back and catch those things I missed.
One problem: I am thirty, and I still have not figured out where a well-read English Lit major fits into society. Please don't tell me I can be a teacher or a copy editor--I have done both. Besides responding every question posed my Danielle and Carrie, I am not sure I fit anywhere.

Oh! Another thing I regret is not choosing a major that qualifies me to do something... Please don't take offense to that statement; I really love how thoughtful and contemplative a life of reading has made me. :-)

Ramona · 1 year ago

Thank you for sharing. I will always remember you when I pray.

andrea · 1 year ago

I have to go and dry off my keyboard now too...what a sweet connection between you two. I have just sent my Mum the link to this website and asked her to sign up for the daily question because of these messages. Thank you.

andrea · 1 year ago

The biggies
I regret the time lost on people whose intentions were less than good
I regret not staying in London and, instead, running off to Spain
I regret being hurtful to a gentle soul
I regret not jumping when my heart said "this is your time"
I regret not being secure enough in my 20's to blaze my own path and always needing to follow and be with others

the smallies
I regret stealing back the doll that I sold at a garage sale
I regret trying my first cigarette at 19 and then smoking for 6 years
I regret ironing my hair with a clothing iron (in the 80's)

Tara · 1 year ago

I've always been pretty happy with my lot, but I knocked back a great job opportunity when I was twenty - I often wonder how things would have been different if I took that path - a bit like 'Sliding Doors'.

Tara · 1 year ago

I'm the younger sister to a mean big sister. I moved to France when I was 18, and out of the blue one day she rang me up and apologised for being such a bitch. She was shopping one day and witnessed a big sister being horrible and cruel to her little sister - she felt compelled to go over and say something to the older girl, and then she realised it was exactly how she had treated me. We're totally cool now, I've never been one to hold a grudge, but I know she regrets how poorly she treated me.

chris · 1 year ago

I'm with you on the mother thing, Karel. By the way love the spelling of your name. So unique! I wish I would have spent more time with my son! They grow so fast and you can't go back for do overs or get that time back.

Caroline · 1 year ago

Teach cooking. Keep travelling. Write. Live by the sea at least once and in the mountains once. Feel extraordinary instead of constrained. The thing I'm discovering is that all of these things are right there and possible, and it was myself and my own fear that made them seems so unachievable. Funny - you see the same feelings written down by people who have gone through this process over and over but it's not until you feel it yourself that you really begin to believe it.

Caroline · 1 year ago

Thanks for that - I sometimes need to remind myself it is definitely all the right decision - amazing how quickly you forget the tiredness and emptiness that comes with climbing up through those gruelling professional careers. I cook as a pastry cook a few days a week now and the distinction can move me to laughter.

Caroline · 1 year ago

That sounds amazing. I travelled in Africa and overland from London to Singapore (making my very slow way home) and to be able to do that and write would be my idea of the perfect way forward...

Jane · 1 year ago

I regret worrying so much about what other people think.

Karel · 1 year ago

So, so true... but then the next question could be... Why is hindsight so much easier than foresight??? It certainly was a growing part of your journey.

Sharyl · 1 year ago

At 51, I'm happy to say I have relatively few regrets. The biggest one is a whopper though and I didn't see anyone talking about it here. I regret not having a child. I've always justified it by saying it was never the right time or I wasn't with the right person (I've never been married either). Looking back, I was just too scared and/or selfish - too afraid of what I perceived I would be giving up, my freedom.

One other big regret is not staying in Los Angeles to pursue a career in film. I got the degree, a desirable "in" with one of the major studios, a job on a popular TV show and then I threw it all away and moved to Lake Tahoe for adventure and scenery. If I'd stayed, I'm sure I would be better off financially now. But who really knows?

I also regret not saving any money for retirement! start young! If you're lucky you will make it to retirement age and need it.

karen · 1 year ago

thank you for that sensitive suggestion DL. regrets do have gifts, a learning to learn. i am happy to have something to say to my regrets instead of feeling sadness.

Colleen Overman · 1 year ago

I regret not exploring my interests more in college. I was lucky enough that my parents were able to pay for my education, yet I was so concerned with my perceived problems that I didn't really enjoy it as much as I could have. I was too scared to follow many of my dreams (including to be a writer) because they often didn't appear practical, at least that what I believed then. All of that said, it makes my liberation in creating my career now even sweeter.

Beth C. · 1 year ago

I regret not having had a baby in my twenties.

marn · 1 year ago

I 'regret' trying to please so many people for so many years. Enough of that.
Also not traveling more in my 20's.
Oh, and keeping up a high maintenance relationship with a girlfriend who I allow to suck my emotional, physical, and mental energy. I obviously get something from keeping the toxicity up, otherwise, why would I keep it up?! :-(

Pam · 1 year ago

I regret letting my weight climb over the years and then hindering different things I wanted to accomplish and also holding me back from taking chances. It often dictated who I was and also brought so much negativity and self loathing into my life. I have now lost over 140 pounds and I can’t believe the difference in my attitude, courage to try new things, and over all happiness. So in one way I regret that but I guess I would not have this wonderful feeling of accomplishment and pride in myself for taking charge and becoming healthy and happy.

MarieLeona · 1 year ago

In the best of times, I try to live without regrets...nevertheless there are certain moments, person, and event I wish I would have lived, loved, and participated differently but my motto in life is: "Change one thing, change everything!" Everything happens for its purpose and sometimes the purpose is not always so visible. I believe that I am where I need to be.

Elaine · 1 year ago

Thanks for the kind words. I know I did learn a lot of valuable lessons-just wish it wouldn't take so long to "pay" for the leaning. Have a great day. Elaine

Shug · 1 year ago

first, I have to say, i followed your story as written - to the front yard as a baby - and thought perhaps since you never looked back you just kept on running until you found another place to live (w/o a spooky basement) :) I laughed outloud when reading your add on. but . . . seriously, I found, too, that living by myself and traveling by myself have both been incredibly empowering things for me. I only lived by myself for a year or two my whole life (46 now) and was truly my best self then. The challenge has come in living with someone else now, striving to be my best self now. It is hard sometimes. Actually, it's often difficult.

And about traveling . . . I so much love sharing experiences with people and travel is a great way to explore and discover things together. How wonderful it was to explore solo travel and discover that I could have a good, no GREAT time in my own company. By internalizing more and sharing less in the moment (by way of a companion), I felt like I received a cherished gift that was mine alone. I still enjoy traveling with other people, don't get me wrong, but stepping past my hesitation to go it alone sometimes has always, always held huge rewards and I am dedicated to doing and reaping more.

Shug · 1 year ago

Haven't ever really been a person who "believes" in regrets, even for the things that caused pain and suffering, because I've learned to value the lessons and learning derived from it all. But thinking about it, I do regret the times I have/do not stand up for myself, have/do not listen to my heart, have/do not ask for what I need. In this regard I have and sometimes continue to do myself a disservice. And if I'd been more aware of these things, I actually could've avoided some of the things I have denied regretting.

Nicole · 1 year ago

I regret not going back to school at taking Marketing. I regret not having more fun in the last 7yrs. I regret not believing in my self 10 yrs ago to just go for it.

I don't regret that I'm doing those things now. Better late then never, so I've moved on to bigger things.

Vanessa Rae · 1 year ago

a few...
not believing that sometimes rejection is a blessing... going around in circles instead of trusting the lesson the first time... not believing that I am enough... not giving them the finger... giving them the finger instead of speaking my mind... comparing myself to others... putting the cult of fame on a pedestal while knowing I'm truly happy with my simple yet abundant life... the secrets I promised to keep but didn't... not laughing at myself more... not taking myself more seriously... apologizing for things I wasn't sorry for... walking on eggshells... not dancing despite the rain.

andar909 · 1 year ago

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