62 comments

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  Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

  10 months ago

  Hmmm.... interesting. How to choose just one mistake. Probably getting engaged (first of two official ones) at age seventeen. I still cant' believe I encouraged that. I ended up breaking his heart and even tried ending it by phone. He insisted on coming to see me in person though. He refused to take back the diamond, so I hung onto it for years, even pawning it once in desperation for rent money or something. My step father bought rescued it and had it reset into a nice ring for my mother, who left it to me when she passed away. There's more...
  
  Many years later when my husband reached a significant career goal, he wanted to get his ear pierced to recognize the freedom he felt. I had the diamond reset into a stud and presented it to him - he loved it and it really suited him and the occasion it represented. When we celebrated our 40th anniversary this year, I gave him a garnet stud to replace the diamond (ruby or garnet is the gift for the 40th but the ruby's were all to pink, so I opted for the dark red of the garnet, which also happens to be his birthstone). It never really felt right though, so just tonight, I presented him with the diamond stud and said it really belonged to him now. He just beamed as he happily slid it into place.
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  Amy

  10 months ago

  In my last year of schooling, I constantly felt like my teachers were boring me to death and so I often wouldn't turn up and I wold do my own reading and researching of what I was interested in. Let alone it being a risky way to treat school and I got into University by a hair, iI was also being really foolish because when I told them why I hated school so much, they were themselves thinking of how to teach for the the sake of learning and not for exams. They had already anticipated someone being frustrated by learning arbitrary and ridiculous things over and over again, but if I'd been a part of the processs earlier I might have been able to suggest things or start clubs or help out. Instead I just looked like an inconsiderate student who thought she knew everything and was entirely ungrateful for my teachers. Which I'm not! They were great.
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  SRead

  10 months ago

  In some way, not sticking with university - every time I was enrolled and really thriving as a star student a great opportunity in the "real " world came along; offering lessons that a degree could not possibly provide...and the accompanying pay cheque was pretty seductive as well! I love learning so sometimes I still desire that formal education to go along with the real life experience, but don't always equate a degree with credibility.
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  Pearl Mattenson

  10 months ago

  Since we are talking about favorite mistakes and not most painful, I would have to say it was the speeding ticket I got while trying to make my 5:30 a.m. strength training class. The lesson for me (for the millionth time) was to slow down. For the last few months I have been driving at the speed limit everywhere. It is driving everyone else on the road crazy, but I am amzaed at what I can take in and notice when I am driving slower. It is much more calming.
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  Brenda

  10 months ago

  Not to ever lie.
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  Debbie Lake

  10 months ago

  I think my favorite mistake was marrying my husand at age 19 (well okay, almost 20). A lot of people told us it was a mistake that I was too young (he was 27 at the time) and the we'd end up divorced.
  
  We celebrated our 22nd anniversary in April and are happier now than we were all those years ago. Over the years we've grown together and learned together. We still argue about things but we've gotten better at listening to each other. I'm convinced that we survived those early years on sheer stubborness alone (neither one of us likes to admit being wrong). Luckily once we got passed those early obstacles, we realized that we are each other's best partner. We balance each other out and support each other. I'm glad we didn't give up in those early years. The rewards have been more than worth it.
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  Girl-Woman

  10 months ago

  Emotionally divorcing my husband after he moved our young family to yet another city for another job. As a result of the "emotional" divorce -- which consisted of not talking to him, ignoring him -- it gave me time to look within myself and realize I wasn't angry with him; I was angry with myself. I hired an after-school nanny and went back to work and was happy as a clam, thus, happy with my hubby.
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  Danette

  10 months ago

  This one is going to have me thinking all day. A favourite mistake...so many to choose from.
  
  A recent mistake that I loved the moment it happened, was getting a little too cocky at the Roller Rink this past February (I was never much of a skater, I hadn't been on skates of any kind in a decade at least). I totally wiped out and bloodied up my knee, all because Justin Timberlake came on and I decided to bring sexy back.
  
  I would call this a favourite because I hadn't risked that kind of mistake in a long time. It made me feel alive.
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  Kristen

  10 months ago

  An old saying I learned from a very wise person...."Take your lumps and move on."
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  Colette

  10 months ago

  Oh is that a double - edged knife for me, extrememly sharp on both sides, rather jagged and still stuck in my back. I am truly saddened by who he continues to choose to be. I am learning all about who I am -because I did not really know before. It is interesting what we are unwilling to learn unless we absolutely have to for survival of some kind. I am learning to act instead of react; to thrive instead of survive; to seek change on my own accord because the status quo will only keep me stuck, no matter what level I attain to physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. I have learned that small steps taken every day is what really gets you where you want to go. The biggest lesson I have learned is to trust me. When my heart and gut tell me things, they are the truth, regardless of the words coming out of anyone's mouth, or on paper, e-mail, etc.
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  Jess

  10 months ago

  This will sound strange - but it was cheating in a past relationship (the guy never found out) and the emotional pain that went with that. That mistake finally gave me the kick in the rear I needed to realize I'm not living according to my best self, I'm not living up to my values, I'm hurting myself and others - it forced me to be more honest in all areas of my life, to trust myself and others, and to live a life with more integrity. It also help me realize that, in a partner, I want someone who is there for me.
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  Shelly

  10 months ago

  There are so many amazing answers already today. I think back and could point out several mistakes that I made in the past..paths not taken that I wish I had but then I look at my life today and think - if I had chosen differently would I be where I am now? I have a kind husband and a job that I love and a few close friends that I cherish. Maybe my biggest mistake is not realizing how much I have right now.
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  Wazzy

  10 months ago

  I actually think I have spent too much time trying to AVOID making mistakes to make any really big ones. I have lived "carefully", which is in many ways unachievable. My goals lately have been to live in the moment, which for me means not being afraid of falling down, making mistakes, etc. Cutting myself some slack and accepting that I can make mistakes feels really good to me right now.
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  Get Togetha

  10 months ago

  I'm with Carrie on the small mistakes "pile up" thing. The wrong boyfriend, the wrong job, the living for others, hiding my sadness, hiding my loneliness, pretending to be strong when I wanted to be vulnerable, having sex when I didn't want to and generally living by default.
  
  I try not to use the word mistake or failure cause they fill you with the negative connotation of regret. Lesson learned is more gentler....lol
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  Get Togetha

  10 months ago

  Nothing could be truer! I always played it safe. Dotting my i's and crossing my t's; doing my best to be perfection. Of course I realize now that that's a nuerosis and that life was not meant to be life that way. Life is classroom. Our job is to develop the necessary tool to handle the pitfalls.
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  Get Togetha

  10 months ago

  not meant to be lived.
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  Get Togetha

  10 months ago

  I apologize for my grammar.
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  Traci

  10 months ago

  I made the mistake of choosing to NOT dive into a search for my dream job right after college. I decided instead to go back home and "write for a year." In the 3 years following college, I wrote about 10 paragraphs...and that's being generous. And now I'm technically working in my field (publishing), but with content I care nothing about (medicine). BUT, moving closer to home allowed me to forge very strong, healthy relationships with my family and it allowed me to meet my husband, who I love so much and who loves me so much that we have to talk each other into going to work every morning, rather than staying home in bed all day.
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  Cecile

  10 months ago

  BONJOUR MES AMIS!
  
  In my book there is no such thing as a favorite mistake... As a rule I find them embarrasing, but that is just my hang-up. I will say this: every mistake I have made has been a product of haste or over-analyzing... So, I jave learned there is such a thing as a happy medium. Aaaaaand.... I have learned to listen to the voice in me that sends warnings... when somethng doesn't feel right, I stop. As a rule I don't go through with it... There is my lesson in a nutshell!!!
  
  Cécile
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  Cecile

  10 months ago

  Only one comment: I am envious!! lollollol Good for you, Traci!!
  
  Cécile
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  Xai Vicente Charles

  10 months ago

  How to choose just one. I've made so many. My biggest was marrying a man I did not love and moving to another city away from everything I knew and people I loved. But that mistake led me to the love of my life, a beautiful child and a city I now call home. So are mistakes really mistakes? As I get older I realize they are just little detours filled with lessons that hopefully make us grow.
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  Ngonzi Truth Crushshon

  10 months ago

  I'm learning not to "settle" for less than I deserve with MEN, with FRIENDS, and with MYSELF! Many times I do for others...moreso than I do for myself...but I am still learning I can't help anyone else until I take care of HOME/ME!!! Relationships work both ways....both parties must GIVE and TAKE. When it becomes one sided and one does ALL the giving then there is a problem there.
  
  I'm learning to voice my concerns no matter how much I don't want to hurt other people's feelings....I have to find words that express what I mean without appearing mean/inconsiderate to others.
  
  I'm learning how to say NO and realizing that I don't need a reason to say NO!!!! I have a choice to say YES or NO....that is why there was a question asked....but I feel like I am being mean when I say NO and don't have a reason. I CAN SAY NO without seemingly being mean.
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  Krystl

  10 months ago

  Favorite mistake... hmmm, mistakes are never my favorite. I have a perfectionist bent and tend to be really frustrated by mistakes. I guess my favorite lesson learned (unfortunately, repeatedly!) from my mistakes is to trust my instincts. If you think of a doublecheck, or a back-up plan, or a sudden reminder, act on it immediately! You'll kick yourself all the harder later if you KNEW you should have done that one little thing that could have prevented the mess.
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  Ngonzi Truth Crushshon

  10 months ago

  From these 3 mistakes I learned that I'm the one that ends up hurt-which is ironic-cuz I'm trying not to hurt others' feelings!
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  laurie_matthews

  10 months ago

  That I'm never too old to keep learning from mistakes.
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  JoeM

  10 months ago

  That you actually do learn more from your mistakes than you ever do from your successes. That owning up to them only makes you stronger. That there is always a price to pay for making a mistake - whether you pay it or someone else - a price will be paid. That the more effort you invest in making a decision or taking an action, the less damage a mistake will make. That my last mistake won't be the last mistake I make. That you can't take back what you say in success or failure. That improvement comes from acknowledging them.
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  Amy Guth

  10 months ago

  I learned that not trusting my intuition is an awful move.
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  Stacy J

  10 months ago

  Well, it would be hard to narrow it down to just ONE!! My recent fave mistake was sending an email about a great opportunity regarding my spa business to a client...instead it went to every client except my intended one. OOOPS. But, one of the other ladies emailed back and said I WANT THAT!!! So not a bad mistake at all!!
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  LUCiaf

  10 months ago

  I have one beloved girlfriend who is loving supportive vibrant but can be very difficult to resolve conflict with. We're both hot headed smart debaters and an argument between us is akin to when Bambi's father was killed. All the little animals in the forest go scurrying, the sky darkens...not a good thing. In person is just not a good thing, and over the phone is even worse. And with this particular friend we are still learning boundaries. She finds me overly sensitive and I take everything personally. I think she's likely right and I try to be less reactive. But in my opinion I find she becomes verbally abusive when hurt and it escalates very quickly. So, instead of ditching this friend or going through a psychological tear down every time I try to address a problem...eg: "I know you're having a hard day but treating the waitress rudely like that isn't acceptable. You made her cry." "Oh yeah, well at least I didn't marry my father like you did." You get the idea.
  
  With this one, I have to argue over the email. At least it takes away the hot headed side. And there are some of her emails I scan for length and basic content and if it's an abusive rant I delete without reading. It's a way to "walk away" on the page.
  
  But any further advice would be welcomed.
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  Kelsey F

  10 months ago

  My favorite mistake would have to be the unplanned pregnancy of my daughter. I had really only just begun dating her dad, and OOPS, three weeks after our extremely romantic and hot second date - preggo.
  
  Everyone told me I was making a HUGE mistake to even think for one hot second about becoming a mom. Even though I never meant to get pregnant, once I found out that I was, there was absolutely no question I was going to have her. I was 29 and a few years into my career and I just knew it was what I wanted even though I figured I'd be totally on my own and I was scared out of my wits.
  
  Well, things worked out beautifully, ended up marrying her dad and 7 years later, we are still great friends (despite the marriage falling apart). I am so grateful that I made that decision in spite of what everyone said...today I have a gorgeous first grade girl (and her 4 year old brother, too - another "mistake" haha).
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  Kelsey F

  10 months ago

  Forgot to add... that what I learned from that "mistake" is that I can definitely choose my own plan of action despite other peoples opinions about the mess I've gotten myself into. Listening to what I really want to do rather than letting my loved ones decide for me.
  
  And it was a hard choice, I didn't speak to my mom for 5 months of my pregnancy because she was so against my decision. That was really painful. But today, she is the world's most doting grandmother. I think she learned some big lessons from my mistake, too.
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  Susie Hutchinson

  10 months ago

  I've made so many, large and small that I wouldn't be able to pick just one. Some make me quiver, some sick to my stomach, and others I've locked away in the room with no key. I have regrets and I've made mistakes, but I accept this now.
  
  My mother always says, "you make a decision based on the information you have today, when the information changes tomorrow, make a new decision."
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  Connie

  10 months ago

  To think long and hard before speaking words that could hurt others I love and hurt me too, of course. And then if the words have been spoken try to repair the emotional damage ASAP.
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  Laura

  10 months ago

  I lived by this axiom long before I saw it in a book. My version i: I'd rather spend my life saying "I shouldn't have done that." than saying "I should have done that." Making mistakes is the price we pay for having the confidence, moxy or courage to take action. And the upside, because there is always an upside, is the great stuff we learn from our mistakes and the great things that sometimes happen because of them.
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  Traci

  10 months ago

  Kelsey, I love your story. I learned of all of my neices and my nephew through phone calls that started, "You're never going to believe this crap...I'm pregnant." Every one of them. Not a single planned pregnancy, and I have 5 neices and 1 nephew. And they are the most wonderful, beautiful, loved people on the planet and my world would be gray without them.
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  Kat the Drumming Diva

  10 months ago

  Not seeking treatment of any kind for depression that came in waves during my early 20's... and for waiting until many years later to finally realize/admit/surrender to it and start seeking healing.
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  Kat the Drumming Diva

  10 months ago

  It may seem impossible to imagine, but it sounds like this is a relationship you may need to walk away from. it doesn't sound healthy for you. at the end of the day, ask yourself how she makes you feel. i have a feeling your answer might be 'not good'. follow your heart to people you feel good around & who love you, for you. life's too short, sister.
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  Keiko Lee-Hem

  10 months ago

  My long list of past boyfriends would really count as my "Favourite Mistakes". Each one taught me more and more about myself, what I like, what I dislike. My "must have" list became really clear and now I'm with a guy who fits the bill in all the most important ways.
  Another favourite mistake was traveling through Europe on my own. "Mistake" because my naivety got me in some (seriously) sticky situations (let's just say I was happy to come out in one piece!) "Favourite" because I can really say I came out stronger (I survived that!) and more aware of what's important to me.
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  Lisa M.

  10 months ago

  Quitting my job and moving overseas to have an adventure. BEST thing I've ever done. I was worried it was a mistake (worried about getting a job when - or if - i returned). Definitely my favourite mistake. I'd do it again in a heart beat.
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  Emily Cline

  10 months ago

  I don't think that's weird at all! In fact, I would cite the same mistake for myself. It certainly isn't behavior that I am proud of nor would I do it now, but I'm glad I did it. (sorry, Neil!)
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  Emily Cline

  10 months ago

  I might have to agree, though I'm sure it's much easier in thought than in action. Maybe something to consider: would you stay with a man in a love relationship if he treated you this way, if the two of you interacted the same way as you and your girlfriend do? Tough stuff... Good luck. Take care of you.
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  Kat the Drumming Diva

  10 months ago

  i just think this sounds like your friend is working out some kind of unresolved anger/hurt/frustration on you, and it's manifesting itself as verbal (or written, via email) abuse.
  there's no end in a relationship like this. she behaves abusively toward you, you take it, and neither of you are better off.
  sometimes we accept behaviour from others that's only slightly worse than how we treat ourselves. and maybe that's what you could gently look at: is there a part of you that feels you deserve to be treated this way?
  i can tell you with all confidence that no one deserves any kind of abuse, period.
  you could create a new personal boundary: that no one's allowed to speak to you (or write to you) in a way that makes you feel sad/angry or bad about yourself and what you believe.
  sending you love & compassion,
  kat
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  Gina

  10 months ago

  Well when you call it Favorite that sorta changes the direction of thinking. I love the learning process in just about everything, but it's more of the heart breaking mistakes that stand out in my mind... and one in particular. I can just say I have grown and am more easily able to recognize my hast. But in no way would I want to go through it again... it's the only decision in my entire life that I could wholeheartedly say I wish I hadn't made.
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  Cecile

  10 months ago

  Why does this constitute a mistake? I think it was a wild card that you played and came out a winner...
  
  Cécile
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  Daniel Gibbons

  10 months ago

  Never behave as if something has happened until it actually has. Particularly if it involves anything to do with money and finance.
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  LUCiaf

  10 months ago

  thank you so much Kat and Emily. Wise words. If it was a man he'd be so gone years ago. I'll continue to ponder, as this relationship has many wonderful things to it too. Sigh. Humans! Complex beings, us. Love and thanks, Lu
  
  PS Kat, your submissions re: what turns you on the other day, were so hot. I actually got a little flushed.
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  weezie

  10 months ago

  Are you sure your friend is not my brother? I've finally decided to always leave the door open in case he changes his ways and wants to be part of a family again, but I will not initiate any contact. I have no room for toxic relationships!
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  Becciebeth

  10 months ago

  You can't make yourself love someone. I love this mistake I made because I never really knew what love was or felt like until I met my husband. Natural true love is the greatest gift to give and be given. Also, you can't (and now know it's best not to try), to change someone. Instead loving the qualites you feel the need to change, just may turn out to be the qualities you most respect. I found all on my own, to look at that quality and act or think for a moment if that was you. I've learned to respect the saying, "Until you have walked a mile in their shoes, don't judge". Matthew 7:1-2. I dislike when friends of mine get divorced after 10 years of very hard emotional work, only because of a quality they don't like of their mate, which was there from day one. I could go on and on with this subject. But that's a personal growth point for me. I deserve a gold star sticker!!!
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  Kris

  10 months ago

  I don't know if I'd really count it as a "favorite" mistake because it took years to completely stop hurting, but... loving someone who didn't love me back was the "mistake." Not letting the rebound relationship BE a rebound relationship was the "favorite" part. Years later, we're still together and I can't imagine how I ever fell for the other guy to begin with.
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  Lisa M.

  10 months ago

  You're right. I think that's the whole point of the question. What we think might be mistakes, can sometimes turn out to be the best decisions, thus, favourite mistake. That's how I interpreted the question.
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  Jennifer Sage

  10 months ago

  There is that little adjective that qualifies mistake; favourite. My favourite mistake is looking back at the far too much I have spent over 40 years on interior decorating and house alterations. All learning and creating beautiful spaces. Wandering into the loveliest of spaces in shops exploring touching, smelling, looking.
  
  I have let it go now. Have turned my focus toward fashion, clothing and adornemnt since my style statement was done seven months ago. My life has more balance and "rounded outness" ALL the little boxes at the top of this page need time and space to create a life that is fully lived.
  
  Oh and my answer would be different if you asked me my worst mistake.
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  Sheri

  10 months ago

  My favorite mistake taught me to trust myself. I bought a one-way ticket to Paris just after college and "ran away from home". I hated my family, I was sick of Kansas and I was just madmadmad...I fired them all from my life. I knew no one in Paris and had no job to run to...just the address of an agency that placed au pair girls. Getting settled was a nightmare and what ended up being the best 2 years of my life started off as the worst.
  What I learned is that when the pressure is on, I can and will show up. I learned that my instincts are good and can be trusted. I learned that sometimes a city and a language choose you...not the other way around.
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  suwo

  10 months ago

  Wow, Carrie opened my eyes! I grew up with the "not quitting" and once you have made a commitment... Your last sentence hit home for me. I have also really been enjoying the Danielle and Carrie blog.
  Thank you ladies!
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  Angela

  10 months ago

  I have regrets that, if I had them to do over again I'd say 'Yes' rather than 'No', but I wouldn't consider them mistakes.
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  Danielle LaPorte

  10 months ago

  my spidey sense feels that this is not a walk-away or ditch 'er. It sounds very real - more real than a lot of female relationships tend to be. I find that women usually save the hot-headedness for their men and bite their tongues when it comes to their girlfriends. I think you should get more raw and real and see where it goes.
  xo
  D
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  rock girl

  10 months ago

  I learned that just when you think your life cannot possibly get any worse, it suddenly does.
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  lezin bogan

  10 months ago

  my favorite mistake taught me how to love again and not be so cynical.
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  Ellen

  10 months ago

  I learned to never, ever, under any circumstances, date an Elvis impersonator.
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  SRead

  10 months ago

  This one made me laugh.... there must be agreat story behind this one!
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  Carrie McCarthy

  10 months ago

  Slowing down is a repeating lesson for me as well and of course many of my treasured ideas are in those slower moments.
  Enjoy the ride Pearl!
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  Carrie McCarthy

  10 months ago

  Been there. And my worst times gave me compassion.
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  rock girl

  10 months ago

  that is so funny!
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