DISQUS

Susie Hutchinson · 1 year ago

I saw my husband fly into rocks at break neck speed, bounce across them, and go down in water-I thought he was dead. I was terrified but had to pull myself together. This happened two weeks after suffering a brutal tragedy. For the longest time, I couldn't leave the house, I lost faith in the world, I thought the ground would fall from under me. It took several months for the fear to leave, but now I'm not afraid of anything other than something hurting my family. I know the difference between real and created fear. Fear can make you crazy if you let it.

Kristin · 1 year ago

I've been struggling with being 'perfect' my whole life - the fear of imperfection, and thus losing friends, my partner, my future, has driven me for years. I'm getting better, but have to remind myself that this is an irrational fear. Losing this fear means gaining a better sense of self.

Angela · 1 year ago

The dentist! I have such anxiety over going to the dentist that I can't even listen to coworkers talk about their kids orthodontics! I always explain to my current dentist that it's nothing personal. He's fine. The hygenist is great! I know it stems from an incident from my childhood that I don't remember but my mother has told me about. This dentist was arrested many years later from growing pot behind his office building! Also, an orthodontist I had got his assets frozen by the IRS and went out of business.

Joannie · 1 year ago

Fear has dominated my life especially the fear of abandonment. I would do most anything so someone I loved wouldn't abandon me. I found I could be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. I learned that an adult isn't abandoned though a child may be. I learned not to abandon myself. I learned to face my fears. I learned that courage isn't the absence of fear but the willing to walk through the fear even while one is trembling.

Jamie · 1 year ago

Violence. Deep Water. Not having enough time to become all that I hope to be.

Girl-WOman · 1 year ago

As a court reporter for 30 years, I took thousands and thousands of accident cases. I developed a fear of riding in a car. I can drive without fear because I'm in control -- haha, control issues -- but I fear riding in the passenger's seat and I fear that the bonehead driver will have an accident. Hahaha. I am slowly conquering my fear by letting go, knowing that I can't have control over that situation. Hmmm, I guess I really do have control issues.

Anna · 1 year ago

Not being Good Enough. I plan and plan and plan and one day look up and years have passed and I still have not implemented my plan. When asked what my "catch phrase" would be, I always say "Just Do It". Actually it's "Just Plan on Doing It". The thought that someone would find fault with my work product is almost paralyzing.

Kristin (the Goat) · 1 year ago

Guess you don't ride public transportation too often, huh? I prefer to drive as well - mostly because I'm a better driver than anyone LOL it's so hard to be the passenger. I get that.

Kristin (the Goat) · 1 year ago

I have always had a fear of someone reading my journals. My mother did when I was a kid and so nothing was personal anymore. I wanted to write out my fears and joys and trials & just be able to let it all out - but having someone read it (and then getting in trouble for what I wrote) completely squashed my growth, I believe. When I started journaling again, my boyfriend decided to find the journal and read it. Again - NOT COOL. Every journal I've ever had, I've burned. I don't want it read publically. When my Uncle died at the age of 21 the family was so grateful that he left behind a journal. They all sat in the living room and read it - aloud. I was horrified. at the age of 40 I finally decided to create a blog and write for myself with the idea that others would read it. It isn't the same, because I edit my thoughts and the way I speak because I know others will read, but it is at least a way for me to write where I don't feel violated.

Girl-WOman · 1 year ago

No public transportation. I love flying. I give the control to the pilot.

Thanks for sharing.

MelissaM · 1 year ago

Falling in to a daily routine that doesn't involve creativity. Being stuck in a rut and not knowing how to get out. I try to practice creativity daily so that this fear doesn't come true.

Cindy · 1 year ago

Bridges. And the tax man.

Kathleen · 1 year ago

I've always been somewhat claustrophobic, so I'm afraid of me tight spaces and crowds. I also have a fear of letting go; my early experiences in life caused me to be more of a hanger on-er. A teeny tiny issue with control perhaps? Learning to let go has been one of my big lessons in life. When I am stuck, I that accepting things just the way they are is always the right thing.

JoeM · 1 year ago

I'm afraid of designer gods, the people who create them and kill to empower them. I'd rather learn to live peacefully with differences of opinion.

marianne · 1 year ago

I was a timid child. I had lots of fears and nurtured them all. Then, at my 8th grade summer picnic I decided to quash one of them. I stood alone in a long line, waiting to board. It was just an old-fashioned wood constructed roller coaster and it was terrifying just to be that close. I took 8 consecutive rides on that baby. I think I started having fun after the 3rd or 4th. Since that day I poke and nudge my fears and little by little chip them away. I don't always find quite as much joy underneath as I did with the roller coaster, but I do get peace.

Krystl · 1 year ago

pop quizzes and centipedes

Julie C. · 1 year ago

Fear of failing, of not being perfect. Fear that my insecurities are true....... I also fear the dentist and needles, I faint for both!

Julie C. · 1 year ago

I hear you, not an easy struggle but sounds like you are on your way to winning the battle! Letting your "rational" brain be heard is a big step! Your last line helped me with new motivation to overcome the same fear.

Andrea Devis · 1 year ago

Cockroaches. No joke. In the tropics they rule supreme. At best they crawl on your hair or jump in your cereal for a refreshing swim. At worst small children have been known to go missing...

Kate · 1 year ago

Not being able to protect my children. I can deal with my own fears, but any attack on my kids sends me reeling. I wish it weren't so, but the big, bad wolf is out there. He's a shapeshifter: he can take the form of a molester, inept bureaucracy, petty cruelty, illness, a politician willing to kill children to win the "I'm stronger than you are" game. I'm building a house around them with bricks made of love. I hope it will make them strong and wise.

Julie C. · 1 year ago

that was a fear I was trying not to remember! Saw one in Costa Rica had to be the size of a large bird, I blinked and it was gone, still get the shivers wondering where it went......if it might be stalking me.......

Andrea Devis · 1 year ago

Best to carry a small can of hairspray and a lighter, just in case...

Ophélie · 1 year ago

I'm scared of being under public scrutiny and then failing. I've been shedding responsibility because I don't want people to rely on me, and then find that I'm not good enough for it. There's a fear to observe...

Amy · 1 year ago

"Not being good enough" is the perfect way to put it. I'm afraid that not being good enough will lead to a lot of the things that others have listed as their fears, mainly failure and abandonment. To avoid those "horrors" that I've created in my mind I procrastinate. This leads to so many unfinished projects and unrealized plans that I end up beating myself up over it. I realize that this is just a vicious cycle that leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm working on it though. I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that my fears only immobilize me and keep me from realizing my dreams.

Debbie R · 1 year ago

I'm afraid of severe physical pain.

The thought of enduring torture is terrifying. Just kill me because
I think I could die for my faith.

Dena · 1 year ago

My greatest fear is losing the people I love the most, but yet I know it will happen eventually - my parents in particular. Also, my best friend and lover who is always so supportive of me . . .

Ellen · 1 year ago

Being trapped. Physically, emotionally, and intellectually. Trapped in a marriage, a job, a financial dilemma, a religion, anything.
I crave freedom.
I'm not too crazy about the idea of torture, either.

Incidentally, some studies have shown that the #1 fear Americans harbor is that they will be exposed as a fraud. To those of you who replied that you never feel "good enough"....none of us do.

Ngonzi Truth Crushshon · 1 year ago

DYING. BEING ALONE. NOT BEING IN CONTROL OF SITUATIONS-I'M A CONTROL FREAK or you could say A TAKE CHARGE PERSON.

Maureen · 1 year ago

That's terrible. I've been keeping journals since I was seven, and to my knowledge I've never had that happen to me. My journal is so important to me, and it especially was when I was growing up and deciding what kind of woman I wanted to be. I just wanted to say I'm sorry that happened to you. Unfair.

Hilma · 1 year ago

Being alone - found unloveable and unloved.

Hilma · 1 year ago

Trust that you are doing the right thing - looking back at how I raised my children, I was afraid that I was being overprotective - that the kids facing tough love would be stronger. That was not true - my children have grown into adults that I admire and want to be friends with. They are raising their children - using the same house of bricks made of love. Go for it!

Jenny · 1 year ago

My deepest fear is that I'm not as unique as I believe myself to be. I'm trying to launch a blog and a writing career, and some days I worry that I don't have anything interesting to add to the world. I see the finished products of writers I admire and think, "wow, can I ever pull that off?"

Tammy · 1 year ago

Wow, Kristin, I have had the exact same experience myself. I've been keeping a journal since I could write (around 5 or 6), and I naively thought it was an understood thing that it's private and no one is allowed to read it. Then I found out my mother read it, and she publicly embarrassed me by quoting something in it, and I was devestated. I've continued writing, and my husband has read it at least twice, and again, I was devestated- completely unhinged. I've had a counselor tell me that the mere act of keeping a journal is an invitation for my husband to read it. Again, I was flabbergasted. Don't these people get it? At any rate, I'm working through that same struggle of keeping on with my writing, but I feel very trepidatious, cautious, and worried that my words will again be used against me one day. But, I have never burned or destroyed any of my journals. Lock them up if you have to, but don't burn them. Reading them yourself years from now will give you so much insight into your own character and what was going on in your own life- I have found it to be priceless.
Lately, I've been reading about and watching Erica Jong interviews, and one of the things she says is: Don't expect approval for telling the truth -(Parents, politicians, colleagues, friends, etc.). It's so very true, and so hard to overcome. I'm working really hard to overcome that fear of disapproval by the people I care about most. Good luck with the blog! It's good to know there's someone else out there like me.

Tammy · 1 year ago

Me too.

coletteburnham · 1 year ago

Ah, but you are all ready perfect. Maybe not flawless, no one is flawless. But you are perfect none the less.

Tammy · 1 year ago

Spiders.
Poverty.
Being robbed (again).
Becoming paralyzed.
So many nameless fears...ugh. It's depressing.
I learned something called The Litany Against Fear when I read Dune, by Frank Herbert. It goes like this:
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is that little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit to pass over me and through me, and when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to seek its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Whenever I'm feeling really freaked out and scared about something, I recite this litany, and it actually makes me feel better and I can calm down.

Maureen · 1 year ago

That counselor is so wrong.

Erica Jong is so right.

coletteburnham · 1 year ago

Swinging on a swing of a swing set has been absolutely terrifying to me and if there was any one else swinging too, it was even worse. So swinging is the best thrilled ride I've ever been on!

Jen · 1 year ago

What a wonderful and inspiring story, Marianne. Good for you!

I also had a giant fear of roller coasters when I was younger. There were many family pictures of my fearless sister and I on the little kiddie ferris wheel (maybe 10 or 12' high total), her arms waving in the air while i lifted a couple of fingers in a wave off the death-grip I had on the bar. I've since overcome that fear, and, the same with horror movies (which my imagination tortured me with at an early age), they have now become a huge source of joy and fun for me. Learning to overcome those "manufactured" fears (they're both supposed to be scary - they were made that way, but within a level of safety), has helped me tackle other fears, bit by bit.

lezin bogan · 1 year ago

I AM AFRAID OF SOMETHING

lezin bogan · 1 year ago

i am afraid of someone kidnapping my son. i see these movies and they scare me to death. i watch him like a hawk when we are out in the mall or in the grocery. there are sick people in the world and it scares me.

lezin bogan · 1 year ago

i agree. i think that i can protect my son from harm, but can i really when there are so many sickos out there?

Kristin · 1 year ago

Why is that so difficult to realize? Nature, life, nothing is perfectly balanced, perfectly formed, and all things are richer because of this discrepancy, no matter how slight. Thank you for your comment - you're right. All we need is to be our own perfect, which embodies the small tweaks that make life real.

Kristin · 1 year ago

Oh! Such freedom on a swing! Glad you took that ride.

Tiffany · 1 year ago

Becoming a parent. My husband and I have been on the fence about having a child. We're both from close knit families but have always been free spirits. The time I do get to spend with my husband/best friend is so precious and wonderful. I'm afraid of our relationship changing, of not having my freedom, of feeling trapped. In the bigger picture, I'm terribly afraid of what kind of world I would be bringing our child into. I've seen such drastic changes in my soon to be 37 years.

Lisa D. · 1 year ago

Heights!
I am afraid of how my body may 'fail' me as I get older. I try to take care of myself - exercise, eat right, etc. - but you never know. I'm not afraid of aging...just the effects! Ha!

janet · 1 year ago

That's one of my big ones too. Especially at the end of my life when I ll need someone to hold my hand as I'm passing on.

Nia · 1 year ago

Aphasia (loss of language). Tight spaces. Not living up to potential. Rejection.

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

Good point. F.E.A.R. = False Expectations Assumed Real. That always sat with me...

Daniel Gibbons · 1 year ago

Being trapped in small spaces. And crowds in shopping malls and department stores.

coletteburnham · 1 year ago

Trying to be "perfect" literally nearly killed me. It took the patience of Job in a friend who first explained that the original meaning of the word perfect actually means complete. Every thing is complete. But then I got all hung up on trying to be flawless - this is where my friend's patience were tried as I struggled to accept myself as I am. You are amazing - just wait till you discover that for yourself!

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

Snakes. That's a real, living phobia of mine - gives me the willies just to see a picture of one. Mind you, being mauled by sharks is pretty scary too. In fact, being on a plane that is plummeting to the ocean (filled with sharks) with a Burmese python on my lap...would blow all my circuits.

I'd probably find some weird kind of peace in such a cyclone of terror.

And when compared to the despicable things that humans do to each other - snakes and sharks are a bit ho-hum, aren't they...

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

Oh! Being in a shopping mall two days before Christmas! That is abject terror isn't it? No wait....being in a shopping mall, two days before Christmas, with some radical sale on....

Lisa D. · 1 year ago

Wow - not having enough time - so true.

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

Steve Buscemi.

andrea · 1 year ago

losing my children – to sickness, to disease, to violence, to a stranger, all of these things cause me the deepest, most profound fear.

lisaohhh · 1 year ago

death of anyone i love. i haven't had to face loss of a loved one since i was a young girl. i often feel like 'luck runs out' and i know that death is the only sure thing about life, but that doesnt make it any easier for me.

Lisa D. · 1 year ago

Children are wonderful, amazing blessings - they bring such joy! You are certainly aware that parenting is a monumental commitment & turns your world upside down. You are a wise woman not to just assume that it is an easy road. They test your every ounce of patience. This is coming from a parent of a tween/teen (11 & 13) - can you tell?! There are days when I wonder why they are so downright cruel - hateful even. Then, I remember what kind of teen I was and immediately call my Mom to apologize!!
It seems like everything you knew before is gone - not that that is such a bad thing necessarily. It is easy to lose the person that you
were once you have children - so don't let it happen. Wishing you wisdom in your decision...

Amanda | Cultivated Grace · 1 year ago

After being molested and raped by multiple family members during my entire childhood, and being acquaintance-raped twice last year, I'm afraid of humanity.

Some days I'm afraid to move. Some days I'm afraid to be in my body.
I'm afraid of not being good enough.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to share everything I've learned about the effects of trauma on the individual and society. I'm afraid I'll speak out and people will keep telling me that I'm being a victim and living in the past, just because I identify as a survivor and need to testify, to talk about the reality of my experience.

I'm afraid I won't be able to live my dreams; of being an artist, a writer, a neuroscience professor, a trauma specialist, a mother.

I'm afraid I'll never feel again. Emotional numbness sits on my heart and I don't feel joy, love, happiness.

I'm afraid I'll never overcome the overwhelming sense of powerlessness that was instilled in me.

I'm afraid to let anyone in, and I'm afraid of being alone.

I'm afraid of deteriorating into schizophrenia, like my mother, whom I barely know.

I'm afraid I'll always live a life ruled by fear.

I'm afraid of the memories I'm going to be facing in therapy soon. Seems kind of silly to me...the worst has already happened, remembering can't be half as bad...except that I was so dissociated as a child that I only half experienced all of the events.

I'm afraid my wonderful boyfriend will run out of patience with me during this process of recovery from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I'm afraid I have too much hurt stored inside for anyone to want maintain a loving connection with me.



Wow..it's pretty sobering to admit on paper how much my life is ruled by fear.

Kristin · 1 year ago

...and seeing it written out is the most powerful first step you can take. Relish in your upcoming therapy - counseling has saved many of us - and use this unique, hurtful experience to share with the world what only you can share. Good luck and good vibes to the Universe to help you heal.

Kristin · 1 year ago

But you ARE unique - only you see things through your eyes. Make a list of things that make you different, your experiences, travels, style, friends, relationships - those all make you worthy of a story. Just be true to yourself, tell the story you must tell the world, and be patient. Once you put yourself out there, the world will respond.

Caroline · 1 year ago

i am with carrie on this one. mine is slightly different, in that i fear being misunderstood by certain people- especially those who have a tendency to bulldoze and who intimidate rather than connect when a misunderstanding occurs. i am facing a situation in which i will have to engage with such a person, and am aware just how much in scares me to have someone not get what i am trying to say. as if i will not exist fully in that moment if my words aren't taken in as i wish them to be.

a strange thing to fear, i realize, as i sit here writing this.

Steve · 1 year ago

The sensation of being cornered or repressed - small places - heights - not having a choice which is ridiculous because we always do - clowns that smoke cigars and drink whiskey - losing my keys - regret - losing my sense of intuition and insight - illness.

Lindsey · 1 year ago

Loss of freedom! This shows up in my relationsip, as resistance to sharing my life deeply. I'm working on seeing my lovely, gentle boyfriend as supportive wind for my wings, instead of as someone I need to lift up.

Julia MacLean · 1 year ago

I have a phobia of going up into handstand - I am petrified by the thought of it even before my yoga instructor instructs us to go up - I place my hands down and then, no matter the effort, I am unable to lift my hips above my head - it seems that I contract into a solid mass of fear. All this inspite of my ablity with headstand and elbow balance. I have been able to go up into handstand by throwing myself up from a standing position but with a spotter beside me. I am afraid of my back, my arms letting go, getting crippled.

Julia M · 1 year ago

My father suffered 'total' aphasia after a stroke - it was tragic. Thinking of this I am reminded of the value for me to say all that I need to say now especially to those I love. I wish I could know the future - I suppose - the most challenging aspect is that all I am certain of is now. So I can communicate now because I am able - a celebration.

Kerry · 1 year ago

Amanda, being able to give a voice to all the fears gives you power! It's okay to own the fears, then they can't own you. You're already succeeding, you go!

Kelly · 1 year ago

While there are many fears in my life: heights, spiders, choking to death, being out of control...
My greatest fear is that I will leave this earth while my children are young and they will be without their mother. Or worse yet, they won't remember me.

Carrie McCarthy · 1 year ago

Ah Joanie, so beautifully said. You are brave!

Carrie McCarthy · 1 year ago

"fail to plan, plan to fail"

You are on your way now that you have married your ability to plan with action!! Congrats Anna.

Kristin (the Goat) · 1 year ago

I was kind of quick to say this morning that not being able to write in a journal squashed my growth - I must have had to grow in other ways. I do appreciate you replying to this message. Thanks - Thanks a lot!

Kristin (the Goat) · 1 year ago

I'm sorry to say that I have no journals. They are all gone - but I never had more than one at a time anyway. Even workbooks that I've had (you know, those self improvement workbooks) I've burned those as well. I love a nice webber grill. I know, it would be so wonderful to look back and see my progress. I have just recently purchased a journal that is a 10 year journal - you only have 5 lines a day to write in. That one, I'm not going to burn...but it is mostly just a record of the days events. I really make sure that each word I write I want to be read. It is totally sad that people feel the need to read such personal writings. I do not agree that just having one is an invitation. Thanks so much for the reply. I've often wondered if anyone else had ever had this problem. I guess so.

weezie · 1 year ago

Yikes! Clowns scare the bejeezus out of me, too. They don't even have to smoke or drink.

Connie · 1 year ago

I'm afraid of highways; losing my eyesight; something awful happening to one of my children or grandchild; poverty and dying alone. I think that's enough fear for me.

Connie · 1 year ago

Amanda, if you have a good therapist, you'll control what you want to bring up each session and you will probably do it very slowly. I'm with you. Be well. You sound like you're very self-aware now.:)

Carrie McCarthy · 1 year ago

"What do you want more of?" is a question we ask in Style Statement and many, many people answer - more time! Consider the fact that we all have the same 24 hours in the day. Given that, what can you eliminate, or let go of in order to make room for your strongest desire?

Cindy · 1 year ago

Hi Jenny. I am a writer to, and the best quote I ever heard was "There is no "right" way to write, there is only your way". The problem comes when we try to compare ourselves to others - after all, William Shakespeare did not have to compare himself to William Shakespeare. I believe that if you speak from the heart and speak the truth, you will find your audience. Good luck!

Cindy · 1 year ago

You may want to read some of the books by Eve Ensler - the creator of the Vagina Monologues - because she had a very similar background. I heard her speak in person, and she was extremely powerful. She channeled all her fears and challenges into helping women all over the world that have been abused. I hope that you find the help that you need to be your wonderful, fully realized self!!!

Kerry L. · 1 year ago

I fear regret. I fear realizing in the future that I wasted time not appreciating what I have. We all know people who remember "the good old days" and say, "Man I didn't know how good I had it then! I complained about my health/spouse/job/whatever and I wish I had now what I had then." I fear turning into that person. So I try very hard to live in the moment and be grateful today.

Joannie · 1 year ago

Thank you Carrie. I've been told before that I'm brave. In the past I've wondered how it was that I couldn't see it! Now I can.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

regret sucks. ditto on the fear factor.

Catherine · 1 year ago

I'm afraid of being alone. My husband has lung cancer and and often my thoughts are consumed with the realization of one day having to make it on my own. I'd like to be better at asking friends for their time and company. I'm working on it daily.

laurie_matthews · 1 year ago

Not finding my soulmate.

Amanda | Cultivated Grace · 1 year ago

Thank you to everyone for all of your support and encouragement! It truly, truly makes a difference. I feel like there's a reason why I have been given everything I have been given in my life, both the positive and the traumatic. Recovery can be painfully slow at times (and now is one of those times), but at other times I experience bursts of growth and exuberance that defy words. I still don't understand the rhythm of this recovery spiral, but I am beginning to learn how to trust it.

Cindy, I haven't seen the Vagina Monologues yet (not for lack of wanting!), but I will definitely check Eve Ensler out. I wasn't aware of her background. Thank you for pointing me in her direction.

Peace to all, and thank you.

Beth C. · 1 year ago

I am afraid of dying young and/or childless. I'm also afraid of missing the opportunity to have children. I have always felt that I was meant to be a parent and my spouse and I are currently struggling over whether now is or is not the right time. I've come to know that the right time is when we open our hearts to allow things to happen.

Andrea Devis · 1 year ago

No, not Steve! Maybe Steve's teeth, but not Steve.