Carrie and Danielle - Latest Comments in What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

JamaicanGirl — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 13:45:01 -0000

I once had a conversation with a guy that was just a little too Whiney (complains alot and always defers decisions) for me. He kept saying "I can change for you". Finally I had had enough of the conversation and ended it with "Why would I want someone that I HAVE to change? Too many people around that already fit the bill". I really beleive that it is not my place to change anyone. Besides, noone changes unless he sees the need to and actually wants to.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

mya — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:44:36 -0000

I need some help...I'm seeing a guy who is married. he tells me he going to move out from living with his wife and get a place of his own. I know dating a married guy is wrong and i should have never done it. but too late i already dag myself a whole and now i have a problem with trust...I'm always wondering if he is with another woman? If he could cheat on his wife who is to say he won't do the same to me? how do i trust him? how do i be less fearfull of the pain that has not yet arrived?
help me to get over my fear and learn to trust him...any advise??

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Timmins — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:42:52 -0000

The best advice you will take from this website is to move on from your struggling relationship. You shouldn't have to work for it, it should come naturally. When you think of work, isn't that like a job, and I'm pretty sure there are not many out there that love there jobs. This is the only way you will stay happy, find someone you can enjoy every hour you are with, and when that fades, move on to the next. You will all be a lot happier this way, trust me. There, that didn't cost you anything, absolutely free advice.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Timmins — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:39:12 -0000

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Hannah — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 17:09:57 -0000

dont ever listen when people say
hes not good enough for you
because truley your the only one who
knows how he makes you feel

Hapy moments praise God
Difficult moments seek God
Quiet moments worship God
Painful moments trust God
Every moment thank God

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Mashy — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 23:45:21 -0000

I am a girl and my brother has a girlfriend in University! They are both 24 and they are both really serious! And I am happy for them! BUT the thing is that our parents aren't thrilled about his girl friend, but it's not that horrible. But he really loves her and she's a great girl. And they are becoming really serious and even thinking about getting engaged! But my brother is scared to even break the news of them moving in together in September to our parents. What should he do? How should he convince his parents? She's a smart girl, they are both University students studying medicine! They are perfect? But how should my brother tell his parents about them moving in and that they are serious, and in love? Please help!
Thanks so much!

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Alison — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 20:16:02 -0000

Oh, wow.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Dolly Hopkins — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:22:43 -0000

Hang in there....and be mindful. I stop and think about the situation when the bad stuff arises - Then I turn my thoughts to positive energy and move along in that light ...knowing the next moment will provide another opportunity to find a solution.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Luciaf — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 02:24:00 -0000

thanks Cecile...tee hee!

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Carrie McCarthy — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 01:28:04 -0000

One is the Chef the other the sous chef! Lots of sharing of info but one takes the lead. I agree in business or in relationship being in the dark is a scary place to be.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Carolynn — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 20:34:56 -0000

Wow, very good stuff in here. I like Danielle's toothpaste ritual. It's that act of doing something special for another person just because you want to, not because it's expected or required. I'll put water by his bedside at night or pour a glass of juice and have it ready for him when he comes out of the shower.

Best advice:
"Ignore everything a man says and pay attention to what he does."
and
"Use your voice."

Very powerful and much more difficult to put into practice.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Lynda Monk — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:56:31 -0000

i am buying my honey some dental floss today and putting it on his pillow...we used to joke and say "have you flossed?" as a code for getting naked together...with two young sons (jackson just turned three and jesse is 18 months) - our dentist would not be that impressed with our current flossing routine...if you know what i mean :)
danielle, thanks for sharing your great ritual - making the ordinary meaningful...hugs, lynda

a new toothbrush today and going to have it ready beside the sink tonight...thank you for sharing

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Vanessa Rae — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:33:43 -0000

Two very wise lines:
1. When someone shows you who they are - believe them.
2. People only treat you how you let them treat you.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Cecile — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:29:22 -0000

lUCIA, YOU HAVE ME ROLLOING ON THE FLOOR!!!! WHAT A SENSATIONAL SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR OUT-OF-SERIES REPLY!!

Cécile!!!

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Krysta — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:46:46 -0000

Good advice!

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Danielle LaPorte — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 23:27:20 -0000

Our act of love is this: toothpaste on the toothbrush. Even if we're in the middle of a volcanic shit fight, we both muster up an ounce of sweetness to be the first one to put toothpaste on the other's brush when we get ready for bed. When you walk into the bathroom and your brush is ready, it's a little "hey babe," signal. I think maybe once in 9 years I decided to stick it to him and brushed my teeth without sharing the Colgate. And I felt like such a ridiculous witch for doing that. We love toothpaste.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Beth C. — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 22:54:53 -0000

I too was told that "love is a verb." Loving my spouse is something that I actively choose to do each and every day. The officiant at our wedding also had an interesting take on love and marriage. Instead of allowing couples to say "I do" to one another, he required couples to say "I will." He said that those two words would serve as reminders of the forward-looking nature of the promise that we made to one another. He also said that during hard times, the knowledge that we had agreed to "will" ourselves to follow our vows would give us strength.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Marie Leona — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 21:54:08 -0000

Telling a very good male friend of mine that sometimes the best gifts comes in a crappy wrapping. He had just met a girl to seem to have a very complicated life... to make a long story short, they ended being married and have 5 children and are very happy, very normal human beings!!! For a received advice..."it is best for 2 people to have pain then a whole lot of others..." and this, my friends, what was said to me when discussing our future with the man I was having an affair with... and still to this day, I love him very, very much but we made our choice and live by it, and, yes it can be hard at times but so many other people are happy around us.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Sabrina — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 02:16:08 -0000

Randy Pausch has cancer and he gave a last lecture at Carnegie Mellon. For those interested:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

In his presentation he gave one piece of advice specifically intended for his young daughter that I found incredibly valuable. When it comes to men he said, "Ignore everything that men say. Pay attention to what they do." And to quote Rabbi Shmuley, "Love is not a feeling, love is an action." This resonated and revolutionalized how I both experience and express love especially in relationships of the romantic variety.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Danielle LaPorte — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 01:58:05 -0000

bang on. so to speak.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Danielle LaPorte — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 01:56:26 -0000

this is really profound. a great shrink gave me similar counsel. You don't have to be 100% sure, certain, trusting. Just sure enough.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Danielle LaPorte — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 01:53:11 -0000

yeah...even in moody funks, I'm still happy to hear my Fireman coming in the front door. that flutter is THE indicator. Your body knows.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Caroline — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 00:42:47 -0000

A couple's counselor I saw had the best comment on relationships, and life. He said "most people are ambivalent about most things most of the time." Often I have been in relationships where at the first sign of nerves the only solution appears to be to leave. But if i accept that it's ok to be scared or stuck in relationships, I feel more open to staying with someone and figuring out what the truth is between us. This makes the world feel much bigger and safer, and lets me feel that there is no one perfect way to love someone.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Caroline — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 00:38:28 -0000

Thank you for this. it articulated the tension that was in my recently ended relationship. It helps to be honest that even though it is over, i do miss him and what he meant to me. That is really the hardest part. Letting go of what can't be.

Re: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever given or received?

Shannon Fitzgerald — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 21:40:29 -0000

The people we fall in love with are a reflection of that self-worth and a mirror of our true selves - where we are, what still needs to be healed etc. Take each "love" as an opportunity to learn and reflect, to grow and keep digging deeper.