DISQUS

Traci · 11 months ago

My husband proposed to me without a ring, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Even if he were loaded and could afford 10 carats for each finger, I'd have still preferred a ringless proposal. I don't know...something about sticking a shiny expensive thing under someone's nose when asking him/her to marry you stinks a bit of bartering.

That said, we did choose a ring together later. And oh, how I love the ring. I have no idea what that says about me.

Alison · 11 months ago

I wouldn't say no to a pendant! I think that's a bit presumptuous, assuming that they're at the stage where they wish to get married. I'm one for thinking it over before going into things: I'd probably wait a very, very long time and then some before I considered marrying someone. (Typical Capricorn, I know.) A lot would have to happen before I knew I wanted to spend my life with someone.

As for being proposed to.... I'm not actually involved, but I think if I were in a serious relationship and was considering marriage, a lot of discussion would occur beforehand. I would love the idea of making the engagement/announcement a romantic one, but I probably wouldn't want a man to go out and buy a ring prematurely, without a lot of serious discussion and what not.

Genteel Provocative · 11 months ago

Not all of us are interested in diamond rings, especially when diamond mining has caused so much bloodshed, war and environmental degradation. My fellow and I got tattoos together when we decided to paddle in the same boat, so to speak :-)

alligator_kate · 11 months ago

You said it. No diamond for me, either.

Ava · 11 months ago

Back in history class, a few years back, my professor decided to prove a point about how while we may go on about how patriarchal societies in the past were, it doesn't change the fact that we've got lots of similar things going on today. For his example, he asked how many of us girls would consider proposing to a guy, instead of waiting around...I was the only one to raise my hand. The married lady next to me looked a bit sheepish, and the Russian exchange student behind me simply said, "Why bother getting married at all?"

Sure enough, this past Thanksgiving, I asked my fella to marry me. He said "Not yet," so I told him next time he had to do the asking, as I considered myself refused. Two weeks later, he pulled out a small emerald ring and returned the question.

pearl_mattenson · 11 months ago

My husband proposed with a Japanese "daruma". We had been in Japan together several years earlier and he had filled in one of the eyes and made the wish that our relationship would make it to marriage. Upon proposing we filled in the 2nd eye together. As for the ring, my engagement band actually belonged to MY grandmother. He did supply the diamond which was very small exactly to my liking!

Christy · 11 months ago

We create some much of our lives and our reality now. When my husband proposed to me, the ring we had discussed and designed wasn't ready. It's not logical, but emotionally, I didn't feel engaged until I had this universal symbol on my finger. I was excited for our future, for our relationship, but I was independently excited about being part of this tradition, a beautiful symbolic ring.

My ring has a sapphire, instead of a diamond. For me, it was about taking tradition and twisting it just a bit to suit my relationship.

chrisbean · 11 months ago

My boy knows if he brings me a diamond, I'll say no way.

The tradition of diamond engagement rings was started in the 1930s by DeBeers. The whole "diamond is forever" line? A DeBeers copywriter came up with that in the 1940s so you wouldn't try to resell a stone and find out it's worthless. The surprise proposal? That trend was also started by DeBeers: their marketing research in the 1960s showed that when women are involved in picking out their own rings, they spend less.

I think Moissanites are a saner alternative if you must have a sparkly: when these came on the market, the world's jewelers had to seriously upgrade their equipment. First discovered in a meteor, then synthesized in labs, moissanites have a greater fire, brilliance, hardness, and luster than diamonds. Plus, since they're man-made, they are all flawless and cost about a tenth of the price per carat, and you don't start your life together in unnecessary debt.

alligator_kate · 11 months ago

hurray! It is so nice to read other women who haven't bought into the DeBeers thing. It puts such ridiculous pressure on the relationship, too, esp. the man. It is a pet peeve of mine. My husband worked for a time with an organization trying to come up with ways to end conflicts in Africa. Women who had PHD's in African studies were coming in with diamond engagement rings.... DeBeers did a good job with their marketing. I never get to grouse about this in my face to face life because of all of the sensitive, beautiful, caring friends I have who proudly sport their diamond rings. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I feel strongly about this.

Carrie · 11 months ago

I never wanted to be engaged, it felt like a label, as though I was taken. And yet I love wearing my simple wedding bands, a symbol of my commitment. And as for diamonds, I don't know what one carat means and I don't care!

Goonius · 11 months ago

When I had finaly worked up the courage to ask my lady to marry me, I found out that she had a supprise for me. If I had not asked her that day, she had a ring ready for me. I thought that was a nice touch.

Elisabeth · 11 months ago

Many have said what I would say: diamonds are blood, romantic proposals invented by the jewelery industry, demanding two months' salary no different from the exchange of cattle between the betrotheds' families. I will not be bought.

My now-husband was skeptical, and asked me repeatedly if I was SURE I didn't want a big rock and a knight on a white horse. (I have never been a romantic.) Very sweet. But our personal path to marriage involved making the choice together, after much discussion, completing the past, sharing our passions, and creating a future together. Not to mention living in partnership for years, buying a home together, burying pets, enduring family illness, tasting the joys and sorrows of life together.
Almost 10 years together; almost 4 months married; so far so good. ;)

Elisabeth · 11 months ago

let me add, I do wear a ring: my late mother's gold wedding band. My husband wears my father's.