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Turn Towards

Started by Daniel Gibbons · 9 months ago

I have been very busy the last few months. Okay, really it’s been the last few years of being busy. Although I adore my husband, when fatigue and irritability set in, it is hard to feel close. In these highly sensitive moments, sometimes I am relieved to have dinner alone. I just ... Continue reading »

4 comments

  • RecollectedStephanie

    1 year ago

    1. Instant Messenger
    2. "Sneaking" a moment when everyone else is out of the room (we've been married for 25 years ... so, "sneaking" is also funny)
    3. "Hey! Listen to this!" while reading a book
    4. Remembering to do the thing asked, and then remembering to say I've done it
    5. Reaching for each other at the end of the day in bed
    reply
  • Carrie McCarthy

    1 year ago

    I am going to add these to my list.

    Thank you.
    reply
  • Erin

    1 year ago

    I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. Nine months ago, my job temporarily transferred me to Seattle from the east coast. Your post made me think of how this concept applies just as much, but in a different way, to the ever-so-difficult long-distance relationship. How do you replicate those "turn toward" moments when you can't even be in the same room? I thought about how, on so many days, we turn toward each other only once - our phone conversation that happens at about 8 PM Pacific Time (11 PM Eastern). It's the only time of day when our free time intersects - when I've finished work, maybe back from gym or heading to dinner, and when he hasn't quite gone to bed yet. I think my boyfriend does a better job than I do at the other little things (like sending a note or card). So, you got me thinking about the small things I could do more often that would make a big difference. Right then, I sent him a quick email at work with an article I had just read and liked, and later that afternoon I sent him a text message to let him know I missed him. When I returned home and checked my mailbox, there happened to be a card there from him. Karma!

    (By the way, our relationship in general is going wonderfully - but it was really nice to think for a moment about how even the best of relationships and marriage take effort and commitment every day.)

    So, here is my little list in my current long-distance situation:
    1) TEXT MESSAGING (heaven-sent with a 3-hour time difference)
    2) Daily phone call always - even if just the "how was your day" recap - which I miss terribly!
    3) Watching each other's favorite TV show and then talking about it later
    4) Snail mail cards, simple and often
    5) Always having the next visit planned, creating something to look forward to
    6) Sending very small gifts for no reason - like, I sent him a T-shirt that I had printed with an inside joke of ours on the front.

    And when we're together, making time for simple stuff - like going out for a great burger (his thing), catching a movie (our thing), or window shopping (my thing). These things feel just as important as the big events, if not more. Because those can be the things we miss most!
    reply
  • Danielle

    1 year ago

    great list Erin. I, for a long time, was a Professional Long-distance Lovah. Chronically long distance...in the days before Skype and texting. It takes a lot of intention to keep the fire burning -- sounds like you've got it.
    reply

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