Carrie and Danielle - Latest Comments in Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Cecile — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:42:36 -0000

Carrie says: I envy women who marry into money and who don’t have to work. My desire is to be taken care of with no financial concerns and do whatever I want. I’m a Worker Bee with a princess complex.

Danielle says: I envy trust fund babies. And puhlease, don’t tell me, “But you appreciate money more if you have to work for it.” I know that if I were born rich, I’d be incredibly appreciative and productive with it. My desire: affluence, freedom, ease. Which I already have plenty of in my life – and I certainly have it within my power to create more…so maybe my baby has his own trust fund someday.

Cecile says: AMEN to both comments!!

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Cat — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 11:20:15 -0000

Hi Xai!

Doing much better, I do believe I reached bottom, now going up again! After reading everyone's suggestions and advice, I am putting much effort into getting my emotions backing my thoughts, more positive. Not seeing this as the end of all ends, but as *(suggested to me) a new adventure, to reinvent myself. I stop myself when I get scared and stuck, and panicked and take baby steps and baby thoughts, because, I realized looking at the whole picture would overwhelm anyone! I am in a better mind set, and owning this experience. I have to say, that was a VERY, VERY bad morning and day. The people who extended their time and words to me have no notion of how they saved me. I am better, thank you, getting better everyday, though I am realistic that I have to go through this to come out of it. Embracing the journey, instead of being terrified.
Much love,
BIG HUG where ever you may be Xai! ~ Cat :) Shine on, right!?

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Xai Vicente Charles — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 10:29:27 -0000

Hi Cat,

Just checking in on you. I saw a little bird on my way to work this morning and thought about you. The little thing was trying to pick up a bug but couldn't do it at first. I watched him struggle but you know what? He made it. I wonder if he took it back to his family waiting on some tree or he found a quiet branch and feasted all by himself. In any case, he was victorious.

Have a beautiful day and keep on keeping on!

Xai

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Janet — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:46:11 -0000

Let me correct my mis-type: Try to not put persons, ON a pedestal... you leave them nowhere to go but down.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Janet — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:42:07 -0000

Emily neither of us went to "the prom", but that's a few hours of a life that has many upholding and inspiring rewards. Sex can be good or not, and is also short-lived. I try to see what I have that is good, differently than the "gratitude attitude", I try to see what value my partner has for me; if I didn't I'd be writing Cat's story above. It's unrewarding to compare or contrast oneself to another, especially as close as a sister. You can only live your own life, and I'll bet you're pretty good at that if you have eccentricity. It's likely if you let your aural memory speak that you will recall many persons saying literally awe-some and admiring things about you. try to not put persons, maybe like your sister (?), off a pedestal... you leave them nowhere to go but down.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Lynda — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:21:29 -0000

I agree with you..and understand what you are saying... I don't know if I actually envy this..but perhaps just wish I experienced this too.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Lynda — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:13:27 -0000

Wow! This question really hits close to home for me..I never thought about it in just this way...now that I have, I believe I envy those individuals who move to the next level because I too am a goal driven individual. My desire is to also be moving forward and if I'm standing still (and unfortunately right now I am) I become envious, you are so right it is a scream from your soul. Thanks for the question, it came at just the right time!

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

bene — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 09:34:29 -0000

Darling, I can relate to that! My brother is stunningly handsome and I was a bit jealous about that when I was younger. As I grew up I started to look beautiful as well, but I was not feeling any happier. My brother, whom I love to bits , is bipolar and has never come around to appreciate his good looks because he doesnt have any self-esteem. And to my surprise, he was actually jealous of me when we were kids, because I was artistically gifted. What I am saying is that being pretty is only half the job, being happy, enjoying life and being in touch with your feelings is what matters. Maybe you should talk with your brother, being pretty does not equal being happy! Communicate, be kind with yourself and love yourself for being unique! There is no one out there just like you! Remember that!

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

bene — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 09:21:57 -0000

Sadly, when I am jealous it is totally superficial! I envy how people look and dress and... Lightbulb moment... I envy people who are able to and dare to express them selves and who they are through what they wear! WOW! Coming to think of it, I am a bit jealous of artists as well, who are able to create for a living. I think that my envy all comes down to being creative and express that in some way! Thank you so much ! As the saying goes: Ask and you will receive !

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Stephanie — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 23:04:01 -0000

I already knew my own answer to this question, but for some reason I quickly skimmed the other responses first, so see if there is a common thread, and I came across Cat's answer. I think that some people are motivated by an envy for something they have never experienced (like the trust fund thing) while others - like me, like Cat - envy people not so much for what they have, but for what we have lost.

Cat, it sounds like you lost your clarity and identity in a relationship but you have been forced to find them again, no matter how hard the process is. You envied the real person you saw within yourself - the one with the beautiful home and successful life and the girlfriends, and that thought at the end of the night could motivate you to get through the day.

Me... I envy 20 year old girls tearing around in convertibles - even if they aren't particularly pretty. I'm a supposedly beautiful housewife and mom who still works part time as a writer. But I'm 35 and I'm not where I wanted to be. My husband controls every detail of my existence and sometimes I feel like I am in (a nicely decorated) jail. When I was 20 and tearing around in a convertible with my friends, it felt like the whole world was waiting for me to shape it into whatever I wanted it to be. It turned out to be the other way around.

So, while I don't envy young women their youth or their beauty, I envy them their lack of experience and maybe even their naivete. Or maybe just their freedom.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Vicky — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 22:44:19 -0000

Thanks for our thoughts Lisa. Best wishes to you as well, I am trying to refocus my energy on things that matter the most such as my health and environmental matters, who cares if person X has the latest Chanel bag!! It won't happen overnight, however slowy but surely. All the best to you.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Cindy — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 20:50:29 -0000

I envy those who can still their minds

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Jane — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:48:36 -0000

I envy the "pretty ones" (I was not the pretty one in our family, that was my brother's job). To me that role represents confidence, acceptance and privelege.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Lisa D — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 12:18:14 -0000

Vicky - you already have amazing wisdom & honesty - maybe (as Romana Mirza mentions) gratitude would be helpful for you. It's hard to observe others and think, "I'm truly happy for all that they possess and have accomplished - good for them!" The piece of the pie that they have always looks better than ours! Jealousy/envy is a struggle for me, so I wish the best for you in your growth.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Romana Mirza — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 09:02:39 -0000

the desire behind the envy was to be accepted and not judged. I've left that world, I don't live there anymore and yet I haven't physically moved. I am in a new world, envy doesn't live in this world. What lives in this world is deep gratitude. I strive to redirect the energy that envy consumed into deep compassion.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Vicky — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 08:56:24 -0000

Envy is a popular topic for women, and I associate it with jealousy. For some reason, it is so common for women to be competitive amongst eachother and "backstab" one another as a result of jealousy. As a result of my envious feelings towards certain individuals (usually friends or extended family), I will aleniate, dislike or even hate certain people, and these people are ususally women (especially the ones that brag or continuously speak about themselves and their successes) I am envious of their wealth (especially the ones who acquired wealth from their husbands), material possessions (fashion, cars), successful husbands/boyfriends, and careers. As a result, I buy things that I can't afford and have no true friends. I truly believe that I am a good person, but I am miserable when I see they have something that I don't. I believe the roots of this problem is insecurity, but I don't know how to fix it. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Carie — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 01:02:51 -0000

People who put themselves first

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Kristin — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:23:43 -0000

I get that same feeling of my friends. I don't have anyone close at all & calling them in the middle of the night is not a reality. However, I could call my sisters or my mother and I am blessed for having those relationships.

I never thought of myself being on the periphery of a friend list, but that is exactly it. Thanks for the insight.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Cat — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:59:40 -0000

Dear Janet,
Thank you for your letter. Not sure what you mean. Rebirth? I do not think I am that far along, disappointingly so. I am sorry. I am not negative, but, out of pep, overwhelmed, have no idea what is the best decision to make... I have received some awesome, inspiring e-mails today, from some of the most stellar people ~ it's the most surprising thing ever! Some real food for thought, I want to find out more about this rebirth that you speak of...

Sincere thanks for your kind words, Cat

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Cat — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:52:38 -0000

Dear Frances,
Thank you for your letter to me. I appreciate it greatly. I am not doing too well today. I have a lot of terrific advice and kind words sent to me today, had no idea or clue that there were such magnificent people out there. Feeling a bit frail, and tired, hoping so much for a better day tomorrow and restful sleep. Peace especially. Sincerest thanks for your kind hearted words and wisdom, my heart goes with you too, safe journeys, Cat

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Cat — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:43:21 -0000

Dear Lisa,

I am touched and very moved by everyone's words today. I had absolutely no idea that there were so many kindhearted people, I feel a great sense of gratitude. It is hard to put into words the surprise and shock of the letters I received today. What gracious words, what uplifting words of encouragement. Just amazing. Safe journeys to you as well, blessings, Cat

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Ellen — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:00:09 -0000

I envy those who had parents who nurtured and taught them how to be viable, successful adults....those whose parents took them on college trips and helped them settle in to their new apartment, who helped them plan a future that would sustain and fulfill them.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Janet — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:46:45 -0000

When I've been at my lowest points, I've had more than one person say to me that I'm probably about to go through a rebirth. That they can feel it.

I hope that is exactly what's about to happen to you -- all for the better. Best wishes and prayers from me to you.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Frances — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:45:05 -0000

Hey Cat;
The more time I spend with other people, the more I see that we are all dealing with similar things. Many of us feel we are not where we should be. The more you are able to share that with other people in a safe and sharing way, the more you can help each other feel less alone.

My advice is not to retreat from your friends, but trust that they can be a source of strength and practical support. I just spent the afternoon with 2 good friends and they give me what I need so I can do more. I couldn't do as much without the support of my friends and colleagues.

Change is scary, but necessary. Good Luck and know that my heart is with you.

Re: Special Friday Edition: What’s the desire beneath your envy?

Janet — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:41:29 -0000

I envy those who have close relationships with their friends. My friendships are more distant. I'm liked and wished well, but I don't feel I can just call someone up when I need support. The friendship is more conditional and I'm on the periphery of my friends' friend lists. I'd love to have one or two people close to me that I could call up no matter why or when.