DISQUS

Daniel Gibbons · 1 year ago

Our daughter, Imogen, was born by c-section by our choice at 38 weeks, because our first daughter, Millie, was still-born at 42 weeks.

We still believe that Millie's death was a direct result of a refusal by our doctors in Calgary to listen to our concerns. In fact they made the decision to defer inducing her birth until after the weekend, apparently because hospitals like to minimize weekend births. On Thursday we had an ultrasound in which the technician said she had never seen a healthier baby, but that it was well past due for her to be born. She died on the Monday morning, and my wife had to go through the pain of childbirth knowing that our daughter was dead.

Our medical system is set up to position us to do what we're told and ignore our own reason and instinct. Many of the professionals who work in this industry are fantastically talented, but the paradigm in which they're working is often broken in so many respects.

Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago

Before I comment on this I will declare my position. I was a midwife in practice for 30 years. In New Zealand where I live midwives have been able to practice idependently from Doctors for nearly 20 years.

Whoever leads birth care (and I include parents ) there will at times be poor outcomes. Birth has never been safer than in developed countries in the last decades. Safe water. good nutrition and antenatal care that should be able to diagnose when risk is present. The equipment and skills present or immediately available.

I pioneered home birth in my home city in the 1970s and was deeply priviledged to see some thousands of birth at home and in hospital. There is nothing in the world to compare with the look of beautiful joy and ectasy that appears on a women's face when she has given birth in her own home.

I have alot of respect for medical science. I have much more for intelligent design. The birth process takes women to a deep part of their feminine power and they learn truths about themselves that cannot be learnt any other way. It was designed to start happening when women are in their early 20s. CSection rates rise hand in hand with an aging birth population.

Thank you Danielle for your lovely story. Sheila Kitzinger is a good writer to read too.

Tamara · 1 year ago

Choice. That's the thing. And it's so hard to trust yourself to make right choices--personally right choices--when you are bombarded on all sides with opinions about what you "should" do. Bombarded most heavily by the medical view that safe birth happens in a hospital, directed by a doctor, often with drugs, sometimes with surgery. But there can be pressure on the other side, too, if you travel among the "health conscious" folks, as I do. Then you're looked at askance if you choose a path that includes a doctor or a drug. No matter the source of the pressure, it serves to undermine a woman's faith in her own spirit and wisdom. And that is something that she has to have in abundance to raise the child that's born to her. And it doesn't end at birth.

My sister had intended on home birth, but ended up having an emergency c-section with her first child. Fortunately, she has a brilliant midwife. (A woman who was herself Harvard educated, but the daughter of a traditional midwife from India. So she embodied ALL the information about birth--Western, Eastern and otherwise.) She stood up for my sister when the neonatalogist accused my sister of "trying to play God" when she chose not to allow him to induce labor. (The irony.) She stood by her when her daughter was born prematurely and spent a month in a neonatal unit--and helped her learn to nurse, to kangaroo her baby to help her keep her body temp up, to stand up for the tiny girl in the face of all that life saving technology.

That, I imagine, could have been the very best of both worlds: brilliant technology that clearly helps save babies in crisis, married with the brilliance of simple, ancient wisdom that says holding a tiny child next to her mother's naked skin will help her stay warm, will help her learn the rhythms of breathing, will help her know the nourishing smell of her mother's milk, will help to save her life.

The thing is that the two sides don't trust each other. The NICU nurses want you to keep the baby in the isolette. They want to give them enriched formula. But the goal is for the baby to be warm and nourished. And why can't that happen at the mother's breast?
Unless we are strong, we can be forced into an either/or.

My own daughter was also born early. Like my sister's, my water broke too soon. Like my sister (because of my sister's experience), I refused to let them induce labor. I waited, leaking. But I reluctantly took steroids because they promised it would strengthen her lungs. I was monitored. And when the baby stopped moving and the heartbeat became more and more faint, they rushed in (at a change of shift) and whisked me to OR for a c-section. (I remember the phone cord trailing behind me as I tried to call my mother, but they rushed me away.)

My daughter was born at 9:16 in the morning. Three pounds, seven ounces. Lots and lots of black hair, and an expression as if to say she resented the intrusion and why in the world were we all so frantic, anyway? Then it was her turn to be whisked away. (I didn't see her again until the next day. Agonizing. Excruciating. But I was too drugged to argue and I didn't have a determined Indian midwife to advocate for me. A nurse was merciful: It must have been 5 in the morning when she woke me and helped me dress so i could go and see my girl. (They've got to do something about that--keeping a mother from her child that long.)

Because of my sister, I knew to insist that my daughter only get breast milk. I knew to kangaroo--hold her skin-to-skin--though the nurses seemed reluctant to take her out. I knew she needed to be touched, sung to, talked to. And I watched with sadness other babies in their plastic boxes, their parents too...what? frightened? overwhelmed? intimidated?...to advocate for them or even to touch them.

As I write this, from the perspective that comes over time, I wish I had said something to those other young parents. But I was frightened, overwhelmed and intimidated, too. Every thought I had was was for my baby to grow and be healthy so I could take her home.

My sister's daughter is 11 now. Her son, born at home, "caught" by that brilliant midwife, is 9. My own girl just turned 4. They are all beautiful, healthy, strong and smart. One thing I know is this: It's not just women who have wise bodies. These babies know how to get here and stay here, too.

Mango Mama · 1 year ago

The birth of my first child, Olivia, was done sans drugs under the supervision of an incredible midwifery practice here in Philadelphia. It was not a home birth, but for 21 incredible hours, my husband and I labored our beautiful girl into the world in a birthing suite, surrounded by our family, two midwives. our doula and the sounds of Cassandra Wilson. It was transformative experience where I was encouraged to listen to my body and follow my instincts. We were in total control of the situation. How did we get to this moment--- only because I had been counseled for years by my best friend, Kim, mother of five and a certified lactation specialist. By sharing her own birthing experiences I learned what was possible beyond the heavily mediated, traditional hospital birth. From the moment we learned we were pregnant we felt empowered to be advocates for our unborn child, navigating our prenatal journey through her birth.
The birth of our second child, Yannick, pretty much followed the same game plan.

I understand that opting for a midwife vs. an ob/gyn, or a home birth or birthing suite isn't for everyone, but women should at least be provided with the option to make an informed choice. My birthing experiences, with my husband, were so incredible and empowering to us as a family. After those 21 hours of labor with Olivia, we know there's no challenge we cannot face as a couple, because of the work we did together to physically bring these beautiful children into the world.

Sharing our birthing stories is vital in shifting the tide in the explosive rise in scheduled C-sections. Thanks for initiating the conversation!

Kia · 1 year ago

I had my second son with a midwife present. My labor was 6 hours of amazing drug free pain, but it was pain that i chose to endure and my midwife trusted my judgment. When it was all said and done, my son emerged into the world healthy and beautiful. The moment i pushed him out i felt tired yet simultaneously energized. I remember sighing, laughing, holding him, joking with the nurses and asking for a snack! I nursed him immediately after he was cleaned and measured. I was able to walk around quite well the next day and i felt pretty good- basically no pain. I was even discharged early. It was everything i hoped and expected the birth of my child to be. With my first son i used an Ob-gyn practice. I remember at one of my doctor's visits, one of the Ob's asked me what i was planning on doing for pain. i told him i wanted a drug free delivery. He laughed at me and said he didn't think i could handle it. When i told him that i was sure i could since so many women including my mother have endured birth pains since the beginning of time, he told me that my mother and women before her were "built differently then they are now." (i am sure my at the time 48 yo mom would have taken offense to this!) My water broke at around 11pm and contractions began about 10 minutes later. I got to the hospital a half hour later and my doctor arrived about an hour after that. After about 3 hours of labor she decided i wasn't progressing enough and put me on pitocin. I put up a little bit of a protest because it seemed early to be making this decision (i had friends who went 12 hours before doctors suggested the use of pitocin) but i didn't really understand what was going on so i went along with it. Then she asked me what i wanted to do for pain. When i said nothing she rolled her eyes and began to argue with me. I agreed to use local anesthesia just so she would leave me alone. She had an attitude for the rest of my delivery. She put me on continuous fetal monitoring even though i protested and then yelled at me repeatedly for moving too much (imagine that- a laboring woman moving!) and disturbing the monitoring. She convinced me to do internal monitoring since i was moving. I spent most of the rest of my labor in and out of consciousness thanks to the drugs- i fell asleep between each contraction. I delivered my healthy son, thankfully without complication about 12 hours after my water broke. I was too drugged to hold him and i fell asleep for about an hour after he was born,missing his measuring and cleaning- all events i wanted to witness. I was sore and in pain for the next two days- having trouble walking around. I decided that day that no other children of mine would be born using western doctors. My ob ignored my concerns, my wishes, ignored my birth plan and was angry with me for not doing things exactly her way. My advice to soon to be first time mothers- no matter what stand up for what you want and have someone with you who understands what you want who can advocate for you. Make sure that the doctor explains in detail why they are doing what they are doing and if it doesn't sound right to you, say so. If your doctor is mean to you ask for a different doctor! It's your body and your baby- childbirth is a natural process that your body is made for, it is not a surgical procedure so unless you decide so, do not let anyone treat it as such.

SRead · 1 year ago

Hi Danielle,

I love your passion for this subject....... having delivered three beautiful daughters (you've met two) that are now in their twenties I can tell you that I fought hard to not be hospitalized, even though they were born in hospitals. I broke all the rules of the day. I walked my newborn down the hall minutes after delivering and I left the building 12 hours after delivering, to be home and sleep in my own bed, I wanted nothing more than to be home with my new family and to be removed from a hospital setting. Unbelievably my youngest daughter was born in 1989 and I was the first ever person to be released less than 24 hours after delivery. Fortunately my young physician was convinced that since I had done so twice before he would advocate for me (sounds so archaic!) and I had to agree that he visit me at home the next day. The hospital soon changed their policy.

Even so, I guess I am thankful for the wonderful doctors I lined up for each event. Emily was born 25 years ago on July 1st and Dr Ting was the comic relief I needed during a very long labour. A tiny fellow- I could not see him from my vantage point and sometimes I wondered if he was really there ... until he pulled out the forceps that is. I have scar tissue from that and wonder sometimes if that could have been prevented. Once home my husband made sure we were taken care of. Inbetween nursing and adoring this beautiful baby I went shopping for a new dress, I rested, I walked, I celebrated my god health and my strength.

You might be interested in reading The Birth House by Ami MacKay. http://www.thebirthhouse.com/

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Yes yes, thanks for the reminder. Sheila Kitzinger is wonderful. And you make this point so beautifully: "The birth process takes women to a deep part of their feminine power and they learn truths about themselves..." I think that there are other doorways to the same depths of learning. But it would be revolutionary if more modern women believed that the journey was worthwhile taking. Thank you.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

After one of my best friends gave birth via CSection, I went to stand vigil by her baby while he was left to be monitored under a heat lamp in a plastic box, wired to an IV. Turned out he was fine, they were just "being careful." I reached to stroke him and a nurse snapped that he should be left alone so that they could see if his temperature would regulate. "Wouldn't some human touch help that along?" I wondered. And they too were very pushy about formula feeding the baby right away, and my friend was hardly clear-headed enough to negotiate, let alone take a stand for what she felt was best.

In addition to having the 2nd highest infant mortality rate in the world, the US also has the lowest rate of midwives attending births. Every mama and baby needs a champion.

Thanks, Tamara.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Considering you have had two extremely different experiences, this is profound advice...that every woman should heed. Thank you so much.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Shannon! I had no idea you were such a pioneer!

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

yes, the sharing is vital part of making changes happen. It reminds me a quote from Audrey Lorde: If one woman were to tell her truth, teh world would crack open."

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Dan...Thank you.

Karryn · 1 year ago

Two African midwives delivered me into the world.

My mother was a product of 1950s Canada, and while living in Tanzania, she was surprised to discover that there would be no doctor present at the delivery. She said that they were baffled when she asked when the doctor was arriving. "What do you need a doctor for?" they said. That being said, she was healthy, I was healthy, it was an uncomplicated birth.

Polly · 1 year ago

All four of my babies were born at home ( 1990, 93, 96 and 03)with a lay midwife who helps the Amish in our area. It was very underground and lonely and I found that I could not join in those "let's bitch about our horrible births " conversations with most mothers.

I saw a doctor each time once or twice, initially - because I wanted someone to have a chart on me should the need to transport arise. I once had a chart thrown at me by the doctor in the parking lot ( so professional!). Another doc told me my baby would be retarded and he sent a certified letter banning me from his office ( btw, that baby was homeschooled and just graduated - he's off to college on a full scholarship). I learned to lie a lot and burned many bridges. We never told our parents our plans until after the baby had safely arrived.

I was highly influenced by Ina May Gaskin, Sheila Kitzinger, and Suzanna Arms--"Immaculate Deception" is a must read - and The Bradley Method. There was a wave of these pioneering mothers in the 1970s - about every 20yrs it seems to come around again.
Through La Leche League I found a network of other homebirthing moms and developed great friendships.

We found that homebirth really goes along with a whole philosophy of family life, which for us also included attachment parenting, extended breastfeeding, homeschooling, non-vaxing or circ-ing.

With age, I have become less militant I think. I"ve realized I can't change the world - gotta take care of my own.

--"Natural Lustre"

Jamie · 1 year ago

I'm here with tears reading this post and the replies. The tears are a response to the depth of feeling about this topic, feeling steeped in love for our children, for ourselves, for who we are as women, for who we are as people. And there's also a desire to be heard, seen, loved, cared for and respected, ourselves and our children. And there's hope that these children be born into that wonderful kind of world . By insisting on safe, compassionate, respectful births, we are birthing a beautiful new world.

Maureen · 1 year ago

Yes! For so long I have felt nearly alone in my convictions on this topic. Thank you so much for this blog topic, and for your amazing post. I am so happy that people are talking about this issue, and that so many women (and men) are speaking out about their experiences.

Misogynist power structures would be completely deflated forever if more women ( and men) knew firsthand the divinity inherent in all of us as it is expressed in the birthing process.

Thank you, Danielle. This is so important, what you've done here.

Love, Maureen

Andrea Devis · 1 year ago

Thank you so much for what you do!
My great aunt gave birth to her eighth child in 1977 at home. My aunt was 42 years old, has Rh factor and severe asthma. She said she wished she had done home birth with her older seven. With them she experienced asthma attacks and other complications during labor.
She said she felt comfortable in her home with her husband (he was not allowed to be present in the hospital) and midwife. Not having any drugs she felt present and ready to meet her child.

My mother was 37 when she delivered my sister at home. She said it was an amazing experience. She had been totally knocked out for my brothers and myself. She said the pain was excruciating but she preferred "being there" for it.
Several of my cousins, all nurses, have opted for birthing their children at home.
Your words embody the expressions on my relatives faces as they told me about birthing their children. Unfortunately they came from era when people would respond with "Don't you have enough money to have your child in a hospital?" Your words give weight and appreciation to the word "Choice". I am going to share them with my family.

Andrea Devis · 1 year ago

Thank you so much Danielle for spotlighting this subject!

Nicole Turner · 1 year ago

I cannot express enough how thrilled and grateful I am that you wrote this piece. I too had a home birth. My son was born April 28, 2005. I was in labor for 30 hours and 15 of it was pure agony but I do not regret it one bit and will do it again. People looked at me like I had two heads when I said I was having a home birth and I faced much opposition to my decision but I so strongly believe in home births and midwifery that I maintained my position and am so happy I did. It's definitely a cause I want to get more involved in. It deeply saddens me how abusive the medical establishment is when it comes to childbirth and a woman's right to follow her instincts and desire for a natural birthing experience without unnecessary intervention. Unfortunately, not enough women know their rights or options when it comes to home births and saying no to c-sections. There really is a need for a huge campaign to promote home birth and how to prevent unnecessary c-sections when a woman chooses to give birth in a hospital. I could go on and on about this but let's just say I second everything you voiced Danielle. Thank you!!!

SRead · 1 year ago

Perhaps I should give credit to my own mother for being a pioneer. In 1960 she refused to take thalidomide or have an epidermal...she had to be resolved in her determination to resist the recommendations of "professionals". She had grown up on a ranch, assisting in birthing calves and foals and knew from experience what mother nature had in mind. I think she is still bitter about the loss of two babies while in hospitals. I remember her telling me that after a still birth she was asked to express milk for bottle feeding premature babies, which in itself is interesting since breastfeeding was not in vogue at that time. I'm hopeful that when the time comes my daughters will have more choices. We have women come to our rural community to stay in oceanside beach houses to be close to the midwives and doulas that live in our area, and we also have local women who choose to deliver in the city hospital with their doula or midwife in tow. A dear friend of mine is a midwife and her husband a surgeon and they recommend being in or near a hospital because of all the things that may go wrong. Of course they had the unfortunate experience of having everything go wrong and have a son with Cerebral Palsy...this in their own hospital with collegues attending that seemed to be rendered helpless. Our surgeon father ran the newborn down the hall to a respirator to save his own son's life........and yes there was a lawsuit! I think we all need to be somewhat skeptical and selective when it comes to placing our trust in those who guide us.

Michelle · 1 year ago

What I appreciate about your piece Danielle is your respect for the need for women to feel great about whatever choice they make. I had hoped to birth my first daughter at home, with the support of midwife, doula and my husband Eric. After 20+ hours of labouring at home I ended up in hopsital for a host of reasons that don't really matter. It was deemed by the all of us a the best choice to make for myself and our baby. At hospital I experienced many of the interventions, including an epidural, I had so passionately wanted to avoid. Our beautiful daughter, Tecla, was born after 2.5 hours of pushing. I was so happy to push her out - with lots of sensation. On the whole it was positive - the one nurse who joined in my care was kind and helpful but the midwife ran the show 100%. My experience was positive in the moment. However, it was in the months following my baby's birth that I began to feel incomplete with the birth. The story I was telling myself was that I ended up in hosptial b/c I was not 'capable' of birthing at home without interventions. I hurt myself a lot with this misbelief. I've done some healing work and feel a new freedom around my birth story. I share all of this to give voice to the struggle it can be for women to accept and embrace their experience however it rolls out. Be gentle with yourselfs Mamas.

Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago

I am delighted to see the response to this posting.

The choice who is present at a birth is always the labouring and birthing women's choice. She should be the one to "invite". It is sacred and private. The energy flow toward her always.

I still got tears in my eyes though whenever I saw another women who had given birth witness a birth. From young girls with eyes wide open to the oldest about 70. Something changed. A piece of a lived experience handed down through generations. Only a women who has given birth has the real authority to gaze deep into another womens eyes and say "Yes you can. I know you can" at those challenging moments a birth brings.

The inward moments of reflection afterward for a women seeing anothers baby born. If you are fortunate enough to witness and support another women labouring and birthing you are bonded in aspecial way to that child and your relationship to the mother of the new baby will be deepened. Always wait to be asked though.

you are there to meet her needs not yours.

Laura · 1 year ago

Brava to all you stories! I've read The Birth House and loved it.

Birthing our children is just one knot on a long red ribbon of experiences for which women's wisdom and ways of knowing must be reclaimed. As a culture we have lost the art of initiating out daughters into the Blood Mysteries of menarche, menstruation, ovulation, sexuality, conception, pregnancy, nursing, mothering - and the wisdom and creativity that awaits beyond menopause. The disconnect from the body starts early as we hand over responsibility for our sexual and reproductive health and wellness to a medical community that seems intent on "fixing" (usually with drugs) all that is wrong with the female body and mind.

For the American Medical Association (AMA) to vote to seek to prevent home births and to increase MD control over midwives is to state clearly that as a profession they do not believe or trust that women know what's best for us and our children. Witches, Midwives and Nurses: A History of Women Healers By Barbara Ehrenreich and Deirdre English tells exactly how and why midwifery vanished in North America but continued to thrive in Europe. It was all about power and stupidity. And now history repeats itself.

Angela · 1 year ago

Well, I'm in the minority here. And while I respect the other women's opinions posted here I hope they will also respect mine. I work on the labor & delivery floor of a hospital. Not all hospitals may be the same. We try to accomodate patients' every aspect of their birth plan (wishes for labor, delivery and recovery). I feel that bringing a child into this world is an enormous responsibility, not to be taken lightly. Things can go wrong in a heartbeat - literally! With the advancement of modern medicine in the last 100 years, the last place I would want to give birth is at home! I don't think I could trust the Nurse Midwife enough to admit when things are beyond her comfort level, and that she needs help. And trust is key here! Even in a hospital setting, there are some family practice doctors that I wouldn't trust to delivery my child because I wouldn't trust them to admit things have gotten beyond their skill/comfort level in a timely enough manner to help me and my unborn child.
In all fairness, I did have an opportunity to see this film and I passed #1) because I felt I'd see way more of Ricki Lake than I need or care to, and #2) because I didn't think it would change my opinion on the matter. I feel that home births are enourmously risky and a throwback to the 1800s when maternal and fetal death rates were much higher. It's not for me.

Lesley · 1 year ago

Dear Danielle,
Thanks for taking the time to take a stance about something so near and dear to your heart, and for allowing others to share their own experiences. I agree compleltely that it is essential that we maintain the ability to exercise choice.
It is sometimes hard to know what is best, not just for mum, but for babe too. Thinking of what is best for both is necessary, and ideally we will continue to refine a selection of choices where both mamma and child are best cared for.

I have perhaps a unique perspective in that I've delivered babies during my training as a physician and I"ve had two babies as a mother. I've seen firsthand the good, the bad and the ugly. My best friend is an ob/gyne, and her stories at times make even my toes curl because childbirth always has a bit of an element of roulette to it. Things can change on a dime, for mother and for child.

Having said all that, I completely have a holistic view of health care and believe in the innate wisdom of the body. I did everything under the sun when my first born was breech, to turn him around so I could have a vaginal delivery. t was during that time that I discovered "Birthing From Within" - amazing. It made me determined to not have an epidural if at all possible, as I hadn't been previously aware of all the potential negative consequences to babe. My second child was 11 lb 5 oz and likely would not have come out vaginally if I had had an epidural as I was able to move around so much more without one. In both labours I had a birth doula, and an amazing family physician who delivered my children, who waited, patiently, when labour slowed down, and who honoured my choices.

For me, it was a no brainer to deliver in hosptial. I"m comfortable there, and they have nice things like suction, oxygen, IVs and neonatologists. Our medical system is still not set up well to handle emergencies emerging from home births. Unlike Europe, hospitals are futher apart here, and our ambulance attendants are not trained neonatologists. Again, toe curling stories from my colleagues also determined my choice, BUT I did it my way. And all were very happy to accommodate. Maybe because I was a doctor, or maybe because I was grounded in all my decisions, open to feedback, but very clear on my choices.

Lastly, I'd like to offer some direct comments to yours Danielle. Epidurals are not a revenue stream in Canada. There is no financial incentive for an epidural. If anything, epidurals slow down labour. Anesthetists don't give kickbacks to doctors or midwives and usually are already so busy, there is no incentive on their part to do one or not.
Secondly, Caesarian sections are not cost-effective at all. There is a greater cost in fact. Usually after a normal vaginal delivery, mommas and children go home after 24 hrs. C-sections mammas need to stay 72 hrs minimum. Complication rates are slightly higher, meaning more cost to the medical care system. C-sections take O.R. time and nurses and this also costs money. Unlike the U.S., hospitals in Canada don't get more money from patients or insurance companies for more complicated care...they work under a fixed budget.
About shift times and C-sections...I haven't seen stats, so can't comment directly other than knowing it is harder to give the same level of care to someone you just met vs. someone you've been monitoring the whole time. My same best friend had a colleague hand over at the end of the workday a mom who wasn't progressing well and my best friend was on call. Shortly, mum and babe took a turn for the worse, and needed C-section. The baby died during the C-section due to complications. My best friend still feels horrible, has terrible memories and never wants that to happen again- who would? Maybe the same outcome would have happened if the original doctor had done the C-section, but maybe not. Childbirth is alwsys has an element of roulette to it. I believe completely in intution, yet truly, you never know for certain how it's going to go.

The bottom line, which I hope you will agree with, is that when you make a choice, it needs to be an informed choice. Clearly, medical professionals are going to have a view from their perspective, but this opinion will vary from person to person. There are many doctors, nurses, midwives out there who are fabulous to work with, in any setting. What is most important is to set your intention to have a safe birth in a nurturing environment with a positive experience...and then surrender to the experience that you do have.

Lesley

Kate · 1 year ago

I wanted to respond to lesley and Angela.

I started off my pregnancy with a family doctor - a woman - whom I really liked and trusted, but she told me that at 30 weeks I would have to leave her and go with an OB as she no longer attended births. I wasn't a big fan of this, and when i asked her if that OB would be the one to attend my birth, she said probably not. I'd end up getting whoever was on call that night. A complete stranger. I felt tense just thinking about it.

I completely respected her choice not to deliver babies - she had her own 2 young children - but I really didn't want to switch caregivers so late in my pregnancy, only to be stuck with someone new again during my delivery. I spent a week worrying about it. Walking the seawall. I finally decided to leave my doctor and go with a midwifery practice, because the trust was just not there for me. In short, it was too much of a crapshoot.

As both of you pointed out, it's a matter of trust. But unfortunately, it's hard to trust someone you've never met, or only got to know over a few weeks. This is ultimately why I decided to leave the traditional medical system and why I ended up with a homebirth. I had a team of fantastic midwives who spent a hour with me each appointment. They would be there for my delivery - guaranteed, whether it was at hospital or at home. And they'd be there for me afterwards.

One of whom told me very clearly that she would defer to me: if I felt that anything was going wrong for any reason, we would transfer to the hospital straight away. I was to trust my gut. She had been trained in NEw Zealand, which is where I'm from. Midwifery is very common there, and I felt like I got her in a way I just didn't with the other medical professionals I met. And she was very no-nonsense. I knew she'd have no problem calling a halt if things weren't going well. I trusted her.

My baby was born at home, fast labour, no complications, but what is most revealing, from my point of view, is that I felt completely at home and safe the whole time. I actually wasn't that committed to having a home birth - I left the door open to going to the hospital - but in the end, I never felt I needed to be there. I really feel my midwife by empowering ME to trust my own instincts helped me have a safe birth.

Thanks ladies for a great and interesting conversation.

Lee-Anne · 1 year ago

As mom to two healthy boys, both born in hospital, one in the supportive presence of our midwife, I am all over choice for women.

My birthing experiences were both full of choice and I firmly believe that made them go well. Even in the face of emergency complications for our second son, I felt the support and presence of my midwife AND was so grateful for the medical intervention he needed to survive.

I'm effusive in my praise for my midwives - having supported and guided me through a time when I faced two deaths in my immediate family. Why everyone shouldn't have this choice is completely unfathomable to me.

My pre-natal exams, on the red velvet couch, with soft music will ever be part of brining my son into the world. Same with the gentle words of encouragement and unhurried space to allow me to cry when I needed to when juggling both birth and death.

For my first birth where we didn't have a midwife (it wasn't yet covered by medical insurance) I chose my doctor based on the simple reality that he supported & works with midwives.

Homebirther · 1 year ago

Danielle,

Thanks for sharing your story and getting the word out about the beauty of refuting the cultural myth about birth!!! I had my first baby in a hospital and my second and third at home - the best thing i ever did for myself and my babies. I had to fight against lots of medical mumbo-jumbo for that first homebirth and it ended up being the most transcendent experience of my life.
Another side effect of hospital birth worth mentioning is the ballooning rate of postpartum depression that is occuring as more and more women are subject to the birth machine. I suffered with it for 18months following my first childs traumatic birth and that was one of my motivations for birthing at home. It is so sad to see these mamas drowning in new motherhood instead of revelling. I am so happy to see you saying something about it since it seems "off-topic" for your site. Also, maybe enjoy our blog at www.betterbirthcoalition.blogspot.com

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

hey Mango Mama (I just visited your blog!) and all you other conscious mamas...there is a very heated conversation going on on another blog we did this week on The Business of Being Born. You may want to check it out:
http://carrieanddanielle.com/the-business-of-be...

xo
Danielle

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Kia, you may want to check out our current birthing discussion:

http://carrieanddanielle.com/the-business-of-be...

xo
Danielle

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

M: You may want to check it out our latest convo on birthing:
http://carrieanddanielle.com/the-business-of-be...

xo
Danielle

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Homebirther,
You may want to check it out our latest convo on birthing:
http://carrieanddanielle.com/the-business-of-be...

xo
Danielle

Kia · 1 year ago

I agree with much of what Leslie said, as well as many of the other wonderful women who have responded to these discussions. I think the issue comes down to choice, respect and trust. Whether you want to be drugged, at home, induces, hospitalized, etc, you should have trained helpers of whatever kind who respect your wishes, put aside their own biases as much as possible and present you with the benefits and risks of your decisions and then help you along your journey b/c that is what having children, or better yet, being human, a woman and a mother is. Whether you think it is painful or nothing but joy- you deserve to have the best birthing experience you can have. You should feel that supportive people are surrounding you to make sure that you can do your job effectively and efficently- the job at hand being the delivery of a healthy child. Considering that it is a job that nature designed (God- for the religious like me) no other person should tell you how you should do it. It is about you and your body and what you feel you need. Emergencies and unexpected events happen that can change our plans- that's life. No one would argue that and most would be willing to do whatever needs to be done to ensure the safety of mother and child. But are most childbirths medical anomolies that require unnecessary medical interventions? From myown experience i would say no. If you feel differently more power to you. Your choice, my choice- we should all feel empowered.