DISQUS

brown_eyed_girl · 10 months ago

Someone recently posed the question to me (a bit inelegantly) "well, what if no one wanted you?" To my later pride, my instant, internal reply was "Well, I would always want myself." Life isn't always 'complete' (with or without a partner), but there is one person that you can always count on: yourself.

Jennywren · 10 months ago

I dont think a life partner is essential but it can be nice to share your life with someone who cares for you and who you care for. I think its important to be able to be happy without relying on someone else to make you feel that way.

Terry Fitzgerald · 10 months ago

I'm so lucky I have one going on 43 years. Some might not need one - I can't see myself without mine! But faced with that possibility as we get older I could survive but my life would not be the same.

tonya · 10 months ago

I've been wondering about that question a lot lately! I've always been a 'loner' but not always happy about it. However, I do think that it's a part of human nature to want to have a mate. I'd really like to know how to be a good partner to someone though. That's hard because there are so few role models in my life!

Kerri · 10 months ago

Of course we can't understand what it's like on the other side. What I know for sure is that I have no partner and my life is blissfully full of happiness and love. I don't waste my time wondering what 'might be' - and also, if I'm this wonderful alone I'm sure to attract some other wonderful person. But it's so good right now I might not want them ;)

Alison · 10 months ago

Lovely, thankyou!

Juanita · 10 months ago

For the past two years I have been single and for the first time in my life I am enjoying it thoroughtly. All my other episodes of being single were fraught with desperation to find the next one, which would lead down some unhappy roads. This time I am not sure I want to meet the next one as I am scared to lose this new found happiness. The difference - I really like myself... I have a good life with my daughter and our dog, Rosie. We have tons of friends and family who love us and who we love.

Occasionally the natural tug to a find a mate happens and if I were to meet a wonderful man who could love my daughter and puppy then I woud consider it but he would have to be a wonder...

Katasha · 10 months ago

Absolutely! God's design was not for us to go through life without a partner/helpmeet. Your life should already be happy without one, but I think you are happiEST when you have a life partner.

Bernadette Noll · 10 months ago

The life partner is not essential but is certainly amazing when you find the right one. To collaborate through life, parenting, and all that encompasses, certainly makes life more rich.

Liana · 10 months ago

There is a beautiful line in the movie Shall We Dance, where Susan Sarandon's character speaks the following: 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

As a woman who definitely prefers to be in relationship, I feel the importance of 'the witnessing'.

As a woman who has been by herself for over a decade - I have come to love myself more deeply and to not define myself by who I am with or who I am not with. I am 'me' regardless of my relationship status.

I have created great deep relationships with my women friends, and I know we witness each other's lives in ways that a man could never do, and yet there is something sooo beautiful and wonderfully opposite about being in a relationship with a man who sees you.

JulieG · 10 months ago

While I have had a great time while I was single, I find that it's nice to have a designated "cuddle buddy." (I tend to avoid casual sexual relationships, for a variety of reasons.) It's also nice to be loved and to love someone. So I'd say that while it's not "essential" to my happiness, it certainly enhances it.

Caveat: I'm 26 years old and unmarried, having just celebrated my 2-year anniversary with my boyfriend. Take my thoughts with several grains of salt.

Elisabeth · 10 months ago

No, a "life partner" is not essential. Human relationships are essential. Some people need more than others, I expect, but I believe everybody needs somebody. "Single" people with wide, caring circles of friends and family are often healthier and happier than "partnered" people who isolate themselves in the cocoon of their relationship with each other. Having a partner might be nice, if you're into that, but it's having people (plural!!) who care about you - and whom you care about - that really matters.

Personally, I never went searching for a partner, never dated with purpose, never dreamed of marriage. By not seeking, somehow I found; unexpectedly, I'm quite happy with him. I do however expect to outlive him by at least 20 years. I make sure I nuture other relationships, family and friends, so I will never be alone even if (or when) I am without him.

alligator_kate · 10 months ago

I'm incredibly grateful to my life partner. I adore him, and thank the Divine for his existence. I believe that we create our own happiness, so it would be possible to be blissfully happy alone, or very unhappy and still have the best life partner ever. Being with my partner is not something I take for granted, and it is a major facet of my happiness, but this is a choice, a state that I actively cultivate within myself. I believe that it would be equally valuable to cultivate happiness alone.

Connie · 10 months ago

I love that you used the Will Durant quote; it's terrific. He and his wife Ariel were all about history; I think that's what's so difficult if you divorce or become a widow or lose a lover later in life (I've been,and done all) you lose shared history; life stories are half there. Yes, for me a life partner is essential and I'm hoping to partner a new one for the last decades of my life now.

Alison · 10 months ago

I am where I am, and "There is no joy in things that do not exist." - Thomas Merton.

Kerri · 10 months ago

Thanks Alison! :)

linda Borland-Fitzgerald · 10 months ago

Once you have one that is meaningful, it becomes a vital part of you. I have a good one (see: 'Terry's' remarks). That's my guy.. ditto. xx

QOTCPcf · 10 months ago

I don't think it's necessary, tho sometimes it's nice.

There is no real legal, financial, or familiar reason to get permanently coupled at this time in the USA. And if romantic love is the most important, does that totally dis the loves of family and friendship?

If a person cares for themselves, and has some close friends and/or family for a bit more outside support, that person is awesome. I don't think true love should be limited to romance.

I have a whole blog coming together about this topic. I'd love to see a network grow up around it someday. I don't think there is enough support in the world for people that are happy being romantically-single.

<3 The Sassy Spinster
http://thesassyspinster.blogspot.com/

Eleni · 10 months ago

Since the question is personal, I would say, yes. What I wanted and still want in my life is to grow old with my husband. To be able to withstand the difficulties together, to grow, to develop, to have fun and laugh for the longest time possible. I am a person who believes in togetherness, I think that deep down inside no one wants to spend the rest of their life alone. The key element (as always in any kind of relationship) is balance.

Cobby · 10 months ago

A life partner is definitely essential to my happiness. There is something very powerful for me about living with my heart outside of my body. I feel a palpable difference in my approach my world when my husband is in town and at home waiting for me to get back from the office as compared to when he is away from home and I know no one is waiting there for me. He is also a powerful counterbalance to my natural tendencies. I would be less myself without him in my life and I would therefore be less happy.

Lori_from_Texas · 10 months ago

Conrad Allen writes, "Music I heard with you was more than music, And bread I broke with you was more than bread." That sums up my feelings about having my life partner...we share music and bread and life becomes more.

Celes | EmbraceLiving.Net · 10 months ago

Hey Carrie! What a thought provoking question :D I don't think a life partner is essential to our happiness - we can be happy and we ARE complete by ourselves (interesting, I just wrote a post today for V-day on how we are complete by ourselves, without relationships! (http://embraceliving.net/blog/2009/02/are-you-l...)). That being said, being in a relationship does help elevate us to become even better individuals, experience an amazing part of what life has to offer, and make us even fuller. The nuance is how we view relationships - it should be a union of 2 wholes, not 2 halves.

Lo_in_Cali · 10 months ago

I have to say yes because it's been a while since I've had a life partner and I have been happy, although not all the time. It is hard to be the constant Party of 1. It wouldn't be a lie for me to say that I could find some happiness in the rest of my life without someone to share it with, but there have been some moments of despair when I just wanted someone to turn to or curl up with at the end of a long day. I have plenty of friends who are with the wrong life partner and that is usually enough to satisfy my need for someone to just fill into my Party of 2 slot.

If and when I come across the man who is right for me and makes me want to be a better woman, I'll be sure to hold on to him.

skrowerif · 10 months ago

Beautifully said. And, goodness, inelegant is right.

MallyMon · 10 months ago

It's really sad if people think they can't ever survive alone. I'd rather be on my own than with someone who stays around out of habit. And a life partner can be abusive or unfaithful. I've had one of those and it didn't work out (the unfaithful type). Being able to be alone and be satisfied with my own company is worth more to me than all the partners in the world. I now think I'm much too selfish to want to share my precious time on earth with someone else on a very permanent basis. 'Tradition' has a lot to answer for!

Lori Mingus · 10 months ago

I travel quite a bit in my job and feel that I would enjoy this much more if I had someone to share it with. When I observe my aging parents I see how valuable that life partner is as they assist each other in weakening areas, being stronger together then as one.

I think you do not need that partner to be happy, however a pertnership challenges me, stretches me, finishes me, and makes me feel more complete.

ayimg · 9 months ago

Yes, I think it is essential or it should be for everyone. It would be a sad, sad world if we were meant to go through life without someone significant to care for and to love. Love is grand and we all should feel its power and wonderment (?) - know what I mean?

Kelvin
http://how-love-begets-money.com/poetry-love.html

Jane Boursaw · 9 months ago

I know people who do just fine without a life partner, but I can't imagine going through life without my husband. Aside from the joy of sharing my life with someone I love, we have a great system worked out for work and household tasks. I just think it would be exceedingly difficult without him. Of course, it helps that I found the perfect guy and we've been together for nearly 30 years.

Gloria · 9 months ago

What's going on with the "Carrie & Danielle" business?
http://whitehottruth.com/white-hot/real-money-c...
Have you guys split up? Why aren't you posting anymore?

Carolynn · 9 months ago

I second Gloria's concern. I miss you guys.

Daniel · 9 months ago

After nine years being happy in marriage, my wife met another and threw us away like a trash bag. Having now been forced to be single and not dating for over a year (while healing), I find that I miss loving someone special on a daily basis. It added a sweetness to my life that does not contribute to the 'dehumanization factor' I face on a daily basis working in high tech. I have a lot of love to give - it was always part of who I am. Yes, for me - loving a partner is an essential component of being a complete human being and therefore a puzzle piece to shared happiness.

Laura Neff · 9 months ago

I just ran this question by my life partner. His response? "Yes!" And then, when I said, "Essential??" he responded, "I think the only thing essential to your happiness is your outlook."

To me? I wouldn't say it's essential, but it sure is nice knowing that I have a life partner I went through a lot of other less-than-optimal relationships to be ready for, and that the same goes for him. Getting to the point of saying, "I'd rather be alone and happy versus with someone and frustrated" and THEN finding him felt perfect...truly a letting go that led to being fully ready to be with him. To that end, he's the icing on my "wholeness cake"!

Ron · 9 months ago

I was miserable and lost when I was in between marriages. So, for me I would have to say while not necessarily essential, I am definitely more comfortable when I have one. My loving wife of 5 years (and 4 years online prior) is the woman of my dreams, in more ways than one.

LMS · 8 months ago

Yes, I feel that I would be a much happier person if I had someone special to share the rest of my life with although the way things are looking now that will never be the case.

suewoolfe · 8 months ago

Trying to find a life partner maybe but having one, no!

UPrinting Reviews | · 8 months ago

If you ask me, I think the saying is true.

Tnomeralc Web Design Toys · 8 months ago

You must have a life partner coz you can not walk alone

Krista · 8 months ago

It is in man's nature to love and the desire to be loved. People may say they enjoy being alone and don't need anyone else to feel complete, but if they have nobody that they feel loves them, they will be missing an essential element to life, which is purpose. That doesn't necessarily have to be a life partner, it can be a family member or close friend or even a pet.. Humans are, by nature, relational. Studies show that people who live alone but have a pet have improved health and a more positive outlook on life and it is because they get affection from the pet and the pet depends on them so they have purpose.

Janett · 8 months ago

I don't think so, you have to be happy with yourself, your life partner is the cherry on the top

KH · 8 months ago

Before I met my partner, my life was great. I had wonderful friends, and an amazing family. But when I brought him into my life, all of those wonderful things were...intensified. Suddenly I had someone I could share it all with, someone that is not just my friend but, my other half (as cliche as that sounds). For me, a partner was not a necessity, but a definite enhancement to my life.

Σχολή Χορού · 8 months ago

Well after spending some years on my own after a very painful brake with someone i can gladly answer NO not any more.

Kim · 7 months ago

When I was a little girl, I had this romantic idea of what marriage was....boy was I wrong. It took 2 yrs for my husband and I to "truly" love each other, unconditionally. We are taught all things PRINCESS when we are young, we actually need to teach the whole truth to our children. We have to have a great sense of selfworth, and be happy with ourselves, before we can count on anyone making us happy. Partnership is a wonderful thing, someone to stand beside you through it all, and coming home to that one person is a beautiful thing!

Backpackerresources · 7 months ago

Basing on true stories I've known, I rather not have a love of my own than to experience the same hardships. I will prefer to be single all the way rather than seek "divorce" now and then for relationships gone awry.

abourne · 7 months ago

"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." I don't know who said this, but it rings with me. I'm with Jessica - a well-suited partner would ice my cake at this point in life.

Setai Miami · 7 months ago

A while ago I would have said it depends on the person. I've been single for the last 5 years and didn't really mind . I could focus on other things, like a career, without having to worry about my other half. Or kids.
Now I'm not so sure. What if I missed the best time of my life ? What if I won't meet anyone I like, since right now I have very high expectations ?
Right now I have to say yes, a life partner is essential. People need someone they can share their most intimate thoughts and feelings, and best friends are not enough.

Σχολή Χορού · 7 months ago

I tend to think that a life partner plays a catalytic role in one's happiness. In the loving, supportive, caring, and fulfilling sense that is. However, it also depends on the individuals background, personality and character whether having a life partner is imperative or not. If one has had some sort of balanced, normal relationship in his lifetime with parents, siblings, friends, people of the opposite sex, yes these tend to enrich one's life and consequently enables one to open up to other people and allow them to enter their 'world'. I suppose we all carry our baggage but it's how we manage this baggage throughout our lifetime that plays an important part in finding and keeping a soul mate. Being open to change and love helps. Well, I guess I'll have a few who shall oppose this point of view but then again different opinions and critique are all part of life.

Diety · 7 months ago

It is. Simple as that. I can't imagine not having someone I can fall back on in trying times. Someone that will tell me it's going to be ok. Someone to share the joy of life with.
Without a person like that, my life would be empty and pointless.

elinwoods · 7 months ago

The realist in me would like to say no because I am a complete person on my own and can be a modern girl in this modern world.

However, the romantic in me says yes because if I were alone forever I would feel unwanted.

So my final answer is yes, at least at one point in my life. I would want to have that feeling of being wanted and I think just that once would be enough for me.

Melissa Pace · 7 months ago

I have done a ton of soul searching over the past couple of years and have been told by many professionals that I didn't need anyone other than myself to be happy. I have been on my own and felt a roller coaster of happiness, but the happiness I feel with a life partner is far greater, far deeper and far more meaningful. Although never a guarantee happy ending, the time spent and shared is worth every minute of it! Just my thoughts.

Josh | DatingAdviceSecrets.com · 6 months ago

Having a life partner isn't crucial to happiness. Having someone to share your life with adds to the life experience if both are mature and compatible. Otherwise, it can be detrimental and create an unhealthy co-dependency relationship.

Jess M · 6 months ago

The definition of essential: absolutely necessary.
Is a life partner absolutely necessary? Not entirely! I believe it depends on the person and the enviornment they live in. I also believe that the way we humans are designed, we instinctually long to need someone and be needed. In no way do I miss my single life before I found my life partner, but I am glad I had that time to be single and grow. Because of it, I am so happy now!

Slingshot RPM · 6 months ago

Yes, my life will be much much more happier together with my wife.

Marian Boczek · 6 months ago

In my opinion you're born alone and you'll die alone. And it means that yes, you can be happy without a life partner.

whirlpool baths · 5 months ago

I think it is essential to have a life partner!

But finding that right person is difficult.

Nett · 5 months ago

In our time, is difficult to find my love - your second half, and even harder to fall in love with her. I do not know how you have there in the West, and we find very difficult to love. Especially in the city. Since all life sets new standards, people are looking for ways to enrich and sometimes forget about that magic feeling ... Therefore have to look for simple girls of the city, where living is indeed simple, some village girls - as I understand it is the ideal of all dreams, because these can live a happy life ...

ed hardy · 5 months ago

Not essential, but a powerful way to grow, stretch and open your heart.

When · 5 months ago

I really like myself... I have a good life with my daughter and our dog, Rosie. We have tons of friends and family who love us and who we love.

Thanks for sharing...

Ronna · 5 months ago

Essential? No. Beautiful, beneficial, a blessing? Yes. The challenge? The in-between places. And yet, the in-between places feel like those in which I am even more clear on who I am (alone) and all that I have to offer (another). It doesn't feel like a question; rather, part of the journey.