DISQUS

DISQUS Hello! Carrie and Danielle is using DISQUS, a powerful comment system, to manage its comments. Learn more.

Community Page

Carrie and Danielle

The go-to place for information, inspiration and how-to content on topics ranging from Beauty and Relationships to Wealth and Wellness.
Jump to original thread »
Author

How have you changed?

Started by Daniel Gibbons · 9 months ago

From full-tilt transformation to small habits, just slightly adjusted…

 
Carrie says: I was snobby and righteous. I’m kinder, softer with myself and others.

 

 
Danielle says: The more I know, the less I have to say. ... Continue reading »

79 comments

  • Jody

    9 months ago

    I expect less and appreciate more from those closest to me. I am also kinder to myself.
    reply
  • Pearl Mattenson

    9 months ago

    I used to be ruled by the desire to be accepted by others. More and more I am inspired to align with my own deepest beliefs.
    reply
  • Traci

    9 months ago

    I awoke one day, perfectly aghast to find I had become quite judgemental. I slapped myself in the face and have since made it a daily conscious effort to hold a "to-each-his-own" attitude.
    reply
  • bene

    9 months ago

    Did I ever. I was snobby, gossipy and righteoud as well. Oh..what a nightmare. I used to be an intellectual snob and forwn uopon anyone or, more rightfully, almost everyone`s taste in literature and arts. I did not feel great at the time, I felt very unsignificant. I lashed out at everyone to inflate my ego. Kharma finallay came and bit me in the ass, and now I feel really sorry for verything I did or said in that period. I recently met an old friend and he was in the " snobby and righteous" period as well. It made me laugh at first, it seem to be one of the stages in our development. Then I noticed how it seperates you from others, how can anyone feel like a part of the world when they are always better than everyone else? I remembered how lonely I felt at the time. I think part of our journeys goal is to understand that we are all the same and when you get that, really get that. that we are one, then your ego deflate and the world will be a better place.
    reply
  • Girl-Woman

    9 months ago

    The older I get, the less I strive for perfectionism; hence, the more relaxed I feel. Life is too short to "sweat the small stuff" and "it's all small stuff."

    And like Danielle, the more I know, the quieter -- and more relaxed - I become.
    reply
  • Licarrit

    9 months ago

    I take less sh*t! I used to be, in the words of Helen Gurley Brown, a "mouseburger" now I am more tigress. Mostly because I have grown into myself.
    reply
  • Kristin

    9 months ago

    I used to be a doormat. I let friends, acquaintances, boyfriends treat me however they wished, and I put up with some pretty abhorrent behaviour. I never thought I was good enough for anyone else, and I was so desperate to be liked. It's been a slow process, but I am grateful that I am now selective with the people I allow into my inner world. Realizing that not everyone has to be a 'friend' has been transformational for my self-image.
    reply
  • Becciebeth

    9 months ago

    I use to have to be and have the perfect everything; mother, wife, friend, daughter, house, car, hair, everything just in it's right place as if it landed there perfectly without my help. I did throw marvolous parties ( which a part of me misses a bit), but all of it was fake and very, very exhausting. The change occurred thrrough sorrowful events but in the end I am happier now, and more relaxed than ever. I am now comfortable being the mom I am, with children who are free to explore and live (my poor oldest really missed out on some fun mud pie, run in the rain, messy bubble bath, eat the cookie batter days). I am a wife that does not cook a 5 course meal 7 days a week, and if the beds don't get made that day OH Well. We can have guests over and enjoy a BBQ and have just as much fun and more than a formal catered party for even a 4th of July party. I love so much my siblings and parents for always accepting me through all of these changes, and for never looking at me and saying, "You're Nuts" Oh the memories this question brought back.
    reply
  • Jess

    9 months ago

    I'm in my early 20s - these are my years of change :)
    I learned to be nicer to myself, to forgive myself for silly and immature decisions I've made in the past.
    I do not tolerate people in my life that have a negative influence, nor do I tolerate people who disrespect me.
    I do not have the need to be liked by everyone anymore. I'm trying to be more focused on what I want. I am more driven towards my goals. I am more settled into myself, I don't feel myself looking around wondering what people think of me - I realize they probably don't even notice because they're so fixated on themselves!
    reply
  • Karen

    9 months ago

    In my late teens, early twenties I was bossy. I knew what should be done and when and most often I was right. But I have changed in that I no longer feel the need to make sure everyone else knows I am right or to have them follow my direction. If they choose not to, and I am right - oh well, if I am wrong - so much the better. I have come to realize that there are many paths to the same destination and the path I choose is right for me but not necessarily my sisters.

    In my twenties, I was boastful of how much some of my possesions cost. I have changed to recognize the differnce between spending money on lasting pieces versus fashionable pieces and also to just enjoy their value quietly. I no longer need to tell others what I have spent and often downplay when asked directly.
    reply
  • Jennifer Sage

    9 months ago

    That is quite a question. Has the authentic me really changed at all? No Am I changed? In many ways. Who I really am is more visible.
    At present with the encouragement and help from my husband the change I am working on is the tendency to be excessively energised and excited about many things. My voice gets louder and that energy takes up space. He will give me a very subtle hand signal.
    I ground myself physically and I can feel myself relaxing. My volume goes down.
    I am becoming aware that it makes me more approachable.
    I read somewhere "Who we are is eternal. Who we are not changes. Love that
    reply
  • Colette

    9 months ago

    In the past year since I began Rapid Eye Therapy, I have become an enteriely different woman in the way I perceive life, the people and events around me. Instead of being a victim where every one else rules over me, I now proactively take charge of my life. My belief system has changed nearly 100%.
    reply
  • Kathleen

    9 months ago

    I focus more on myself, less on others. I'm better about letting go, less of a perfectionist. I have more fun.
    reply
  • Shelly

    9 months ago

    Snobby people used to make me angry - most likely because it exposed my fears of being rejected. But my change has been to see that we all have our own way of dealing with our fears and the challenges in life and to be more accepting of myself and everyone else.
    reply
  • Jennifer Sage

    9 months ago

    The changing stops when you kick your oxygen addiction.
    Jess, change never stops until you die. The human personality grows throughout life.
    It just gets richer and more soulful
    reply
  • Wazzy

    9 months ago

    I am proud of who I am. I had a blind date this week and I said things that I thought, or ways that I am, and I didn't state them in a cutesy way, to make myself seem ironic. Instead I stated them as a fact and did not apologize for them or try to twist them around to seem endearing. I like to go home and read and go to bed! I don't know how much faith I have in marriage. That's what I believe. For the first time, I felt the freedom of knowing that who I am can and WILL remain intact, no matter what anyone else thinks or wants.
    reply
  • Carrie McCarthy

    9 months ago

    RET worked for me too. I felt my body accept compassion for myself and ultimately for others. Landmark Education was pivotal as well.
    reply
  • Joannie

    9 months ago

    I need solitude and silence where once I couldn't stand either. I stopped smoking nearly 12 years ago and now smell wonderful. I don't explain when I cancel an appointment, or change my mind. I trust my intuition (myself) completely, express my feelings, am honest with myself. And much more...
    reply
  • Carrie McCarthy

    9 months ago

    Check our our blog today on perfectionism!
    reply
  • kim

    9 months ago

    I am more relaxed about life, happier in the day-to-day, truly thankful what has come my way. How wonderful that we never stop learning and growing. You will never "get there" so you might as well just learn to enjoy the ride.
    reply
  • Joannie

    9 months ago

    Who we are is eternal. Who we are not changes.

    I love that too! :)
    reply
  • Carrie McCarthy

    9 months ago

    How was your date? Bravo for being the true you Wazzy!
    reply
  • Carrie McCarthy

    9 months ago

    Not explaining is so powerful.
    reply
  • Becciebeth

    9 months ago

    well for being so young, you are off to a great start. Congrats!!!
    reply
  • weezie

    9 months ago

    I can say NO.
    reply
  • Candis

    9 months ago

    Everyone has a story-something to teach something to tell.
    I listen and learn from others, I am present when others speak-not just waiting for my turn.
    Taking my own ego and values out of a conversation and hearing someone else opens new worlds.
    I have become sensitive towards others.
    reply
  • Julia

    9 months ago

    I've become less social--I tend to want to be with a small group of meaningful people vs. the big social gatherings that seem so fake to me now! Also, I love to go to bed early. Sleep is precious!
    reply
  • Kelly

    9 months ago

    Where do I start with the changes after 10 years in New York City? My core views on what is important has not changed however they have intensified and sharpened as I have evolved into a New Yorker. I care more about the city I live in and the people who live here, than I ever have in my life.
    reply
  • Kirsty

    9 months ago

    My behaviours and thoughts have changed as I realized I can't 'save' my family from their unhappiness and mental health issues.
    reply
  • marn

    9 months ago

    I used to be a large doormat with the word "wipe your abuse on me" written on it. Now I KNOW I do not deserve it, nor will I stand for it. I stand up for myself way more. I have been slowly letting go of the 'people pleasing' & 'what other people think' mentality, and worrying about how it will look to 'them' if I do something wacky or really.... authentic!!
    I realize that the most important people in my life are the ones in the 4 walls of this house... myself, my husband, and my 2 boys (ages 5 & 3), and it doesn't matter what other people think of me, just what I am portraying to them... I am letting go of trying to be something I am not, and embracing who I am with big open arms.
    reply
  • Ellen

    9 months ago

    I second that, Danielle...you put it perfectly.

    The thing is not that I have changed...I change continually. I have given up the idea that...okay...I am _____ now and that it who I am. No...I will continue to evolve as long as I breathe.
    reply
  • Amy

    9 months ago

    Well said, and I can relate.
    reply
  • hadley

    9 months ago

    Please tell me more about RET. Sounds interesting.
    reply
  • JoeM

    9 months ago

    Very carefully, so that I will still recognize myself when I get up in the morning.
    reply
  • Emily-Sarah

    9 months ago

    You're so right (exposing fears of being rejected). I hadn't thought of it in those terms. I currently have that same reaction (anger -- along with amazement/disbelief that some people have such inflated egos/treat others so shabbily). And yes, it does have to do with my fear of rejection ... AND a feeling that I'm being discounted or disrespected. I deserve to be valued! (I deal with a lot of BIG egos with some of my work projects. I'm still struggling with finding ways NOT to react personally or let it drain me emotionally.)
    reply
  • Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

    9 months ago

    That's very insightful..
    reply
  • Emily-Sarah

    9 months ago

    I like that philosophy. What helps me since having a child is looking at others -- especially those who are hard to love up close! -- and realizing they are someone's child. They were someone's treasured baby. Or for those who had no one who treasured them (or neglected or abused them), then they deserve even more of our compassion. Not that it's an excuse not to rise above circumstances ... but some people have had more struggles just to get to level ground. We all have a story, and we also have a background and sometimes are going through challenges (that aren't visible to others) that affect us ...
    reply
  • Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

    9 months ago

    I've learned to love being with 'me.' I love my own company and only seek the energy of others when I feel my own depleting (writing is isolating). That's when I head into Toronto for the day to get re-charged. I come home just vibrating and happy.

    I find technology has made me more impatient than ever. I can barely sit still waiting for computer pages to change and I have 'high speed.' I stand in front of the microwave urging, "C'MON!' I'm conscious of it so I will be able to change it - I really need to but am not sure how to start except to tell myself to 'breathe.' Any ideas for me?
    reply
  • Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

    9 months ago

    Jennifer, you are such a 'clear thinker' - I enjoy your insights
    reply
  • Jennifer Sage

    9 months ago

    hi Linda
    how is the style statement going? I am half way through my 2nd night. The hospice is so quiet. Everyone but me asleep. My brain is too dull to have anything to say. Eckhart Tolle comes to mind.
    Being in solitide with one self is a marvellous gauge (that doesn't look right and my spell checker is at home asleep)of self acceptance.
    reply
  • kerrymac

    9 months ago

    I am less accommodating than I used to be. I don't have as much time to give and my kids come first so I say no to more things now. Also the Momma Bear in me has little tolerance for people who are ignorant or rude. Last weekend at the lake I told a group of teens who started smoking up in front of us that they needed to move well away from my kids or I would call the police (in a nice way)...not something I would have ever done in the past.
    www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com
    reply
  • Cindy - Classic Creative

    9 months ago

    Meditation helped me to learn to slow down and not be so impatient. It is difficult at first, but I started about by doing 5 minutes until it felt comfortable, then 10 minutes, and so on - now I can meditate for about an hour. The effects of meditation gradually carries over into your entire life, and you begin to slow down. Also, there is a website called "Zen Habits" that I think has some great suggestions - I believe that it was on Carrie and Danielle's site a couple of weeks ago.
    reply
  • Cindy - Classic Creative

    9 months ago

    I know so much more about myself than I used to, and I now know that it is okay to be exactly who I am. I am grateful for the style statement because it helps me to stay focused on my authenticity - thanks Carrie and Danielle!
    reply
  • Colleen Overman

    9 months ago

    Amen Pearl! Good for you. I am on a similar journey. It is so much more fun this way. :)
    reply
  • Lori

    9 months ago

    I used to be very self centered or selfish, as I think as a lot of us are in our younger years. Once my son came along and my marriage broke up, I ended up reflecting a great deal on myself and my actions. I think a lot of it came from a lack of self and little confidence in who I was as a person. Now I feel so good about me that I spread my love to all that are around me and it feels so much better!
    reply
  • Danielle LaPorte

    9 months ago

    ditto on RET - it works
    reply
  • Heather (Sophisticated Fresh)

    9 months ago

    I don't need to be in the spotlight as much as I used to. I credit that to the love of a good man. I make better food choices. I am more responsible and humble. I feel the need to put down roots the way I didn't in my 20's. I'm starting to be able to relax and be kinder to myself -- doing so makes me able to be kinder to others.
    reply
  • misspenny

    9 months ago

    I am less critical of myself... I feel a sense of knowing now about what I like, don't like.. and I am not afraid to say what is important to me. I used to keep quiet.. now, not anymore, oh and I pick my battles.. and let more go than i used to.. finally...
    reply
  • Shelly

    9 months ago

    I had a boss several years ago that made my working life hell - big ego and treated everyone disrespectfully. I was angry at this person for a long time - even after I'd left. I met them a couple of years ago and I could see how angry they were as a person and also afraid of rejection - they just rejected everyone else first with their attitude to stay safe. It was much easier to let it go when I saw that.
    If you can remind yourself that they are using their ego to protect themselves it helps a little. Sometimes you'll still want to smack them upside the head but all you can do is value yourself and know that you're doing your best. It helps to have someone to vent/talk with too. Helps to have an understanding perspective outside of yourself. I wish you peace at work every day.
    reply
  • kim

    9 months ago

    Seismically and subtly.
    reply
  • stella tinglin

    9 months ago

    I used to take constructive feedback very personally and now I can separate myself from it and learn.
    reply
  • Amy Guth

    9 months ago

    The older I get, the more inclined to am to do something for the sake of the experience, rather than what makes money or serves as a stepping stone. I'm far more stop-and-smell-the-roses, and as a result, am far more laid-back than I was in my 20s.
    reply
  • Kate

    9 months ago

    A few years ago I had a hard time controlling my 20% which is "Vitality". My moxy was on overload - I pushed top hard, was too forcefull and sometimes just a downright bitch. I have learnt how to better balance my Vitality and use my moxy for good, not evil =) I have become softer in the way I speak, more strategic in obtaining my goals and better at presenting this strength to people in a way which makes them want to work with me.
    reply
  • Daniel Gibbons

    9 months ago

    Becoming a father has completely transformed my priorities. Creating the best life possible for my little girl is now job #1.
    reply
  • alligator_kate

    9 months ago

    I was over-anxious, had a hard time saying no to the demands of others in my profession, and expected nothing less than perfection from myself. I have spent the last seven years learning to relax, enjoy life in all of its imperfection, wabi sabi style, love myself as I am, and to say no when I want to, even when it seems like something I 'should' say yes to. I have a much freer, more magical life, open to the moment.
    reply
  • Susie Hutchinson

    9 months ago

    I no long feel the need to explain, justify or deny.
    reply
  • Elisabeth

    9 months ago

    Change is gradual and on-going... I don't know if I can say I've changed, but I can say what I'm working on and what has shifted.

    I'm certainly more comfortable and happy with the "not knowing" aspect of life; when I was young I needed to know what, when, where, how, all in advance. I needed to have career, partner, social life, future all lined up. Now I have much more of a sense of adventure, where not knowing how it will go is part of the fun.
    I ongoingly try to appreciate people more. I thank my partner and tell him he's fabulous, every chance I get. I thank my family when they do things for me, even when I don't ask or when they'd do it anyway. I make an effort to compliment or thank co-workers daily. It makes an unbelievable difference.
    reply
  • Rushmi

    9 months ago

    I don't feel like i need to live up to some high standard that I thought everyone had for me. I am more relaxed with who I am, what I do, and I don't need to pretend anymore. it's so FREEING!
    reply
  • Candy Lee

    9 months ago

    I've done the myers-briggs a few times... in the past I used to score quite strongly as an "J" (structured • decided • organized • scheduled), but over the last 1+ years after living a few months in Europe, I've completely gone the other direction and have been scoring "P"'s consistently (flexible • open • adaptable • spontaneous), which is interesting!
    reply
  • Jennifer Sage

    9 months ago

    that is eye poppingly interesting. I know a bit about MBTI but not enough to comment. The shadow parts emerge in mid life but what you are saying is it happened much quicker than that.
    I would be interested to hear if you find out from an MBTI trained person
    reply
  • Lorrie Jones

    9 months ago

    Hello again Carrie and Danielle! Being "sensual cultivated", I have let go of living from "my head" only and have embraced the exquisite wisdom of trusting my senses to lead me in living from my heart. How I feel in my body, how I hear sounds, see beauty and taste the lusciousness of life, helps me stay in the present moment and reminds me to be "who" I truly am. I have let go of rigid thinking and instead bring compassion and love to my own life and to the lives of people I work with. I feel softer and more expansive. I am able to accept what life brings me with gratitude and equanimity.

    Blessings to you both for your astounding success and gift to this world! LJ
    reply
  • Ella

    9 months ago

    I'm more in touch with the physical. It's happening slowly, but I am steadily trying to build on awareness inside my body, not just my head.
    reply
  • Anna

    9 months ago

    I now know how to take real responsibility for how I feel. It's no longer me waiting for someone else to change so that I can that I feel better. It's helped me step out of the blaming Paradigm altogether. No one, not even George Bush needs to be different so that I can be happy.
    reply
  • Kristen

    9 months ago

    I no longer wait for MY mother's acceptance....at 38, I FINALLY realized it's time to grow up and be the strength for my own family.
    reply
  • marn

    9 months ago

    Love your reply! I too am working on this (at age 37)! As posted above the most important people to me are the ones in the 4 walls of this house. MY family.
    reply
  • Aleca- Creative Natural

    9 months ago

    Im much more confidant in myself. This is something I wish I had years ago- I could have done so much more. But- I have also realized that he past is what it is and I can only affect the future by my decisions today. So on with confidance to tackle my day to day resposiblities. :)
    reply
  • Aleca- Creative Natural

    9 months ago

    Those small steps sffect you in the long run as it will everyone else. I can tell you when being thanked by someone who truly appreciates it- I want to do more- be better- go above and beyond for them. Because I know they will appreciate me. Your decision to be this person is a great quality. so- thank you.
    reply
  • Danielle LaPorte

    9 months ago

    I'm circling 'round to this one as well...I think it's where true art comes from.
    reply
  • Danielle LaPorte

    9 months ago

    Sensual is the cousin of courage.
    Way to be.
    xo
    D
    reply
  • Danielle LaPorte

    9 months ago

    I just checked out your blog...so lovely.
    (and I too am a head rather than bod' person.)
    ANd I am endeavoring to tune into my temple more.
    reply
  • Jennifer Sage

    9 months ago

    What you have written is up there with the Desiederata. Has the quality of wisdom of the ages about it. Wish I knew how to print just this one off. I would put it in my journal
    reply
  • Connie

    9 months ago

    I heartily agree with Danielle here; the older I get and the more I live my little life the less I have to say and the more I listen and watch and thrill to all the tiny examples of life's great gift. I try to empathize a lot more basically.
    reply
  • Alison

    9 months ago

    I love this. I remember so many times as a little girl having people not listen to me or just put in an automatic response because they didn't think a little girl would have something to say. I see little kids, and they understand a lot that adults are forgetting.
    reply
  • Ramona

    9 months ago

    I, too, was snobby and righteous. I was loud and secretly afraid that I was not smart enough. I am quieter now-- and most of the time unafraid. I am not snobby and righteous anymore, and I try to stay present and connect with people.

    ~Ramona
    reply
  • Ngonzi Truth Crushshon

    9 months ago

    I was a people-pleaser and now I'm focused on my priorities first!
    reply
  • Lisa

    9 months ago

    I've finally come face to face with the fact that I am a compulsive shopper, and that my life has become unmanageable.
    reply
  • Marie Leona

    9 months ago

    I am more aware of the journey and at times, I can actually sit quietly and look for the lesson taught, and then the true answer is revealed.
    I am more at peace with myself, more patient, kinder to my soul.
    reply
  • Tao

    9 months ago

    I realized happiness was a choice.
    reply
  • Vanessa Rae

    9 months ago

    I'm taking action instead of just planning. I listen more instead of always trying to get my point across, I respect my opinion more by not always asking for a second one.
    reply

Add New Comment

Returning? Login