57 comments

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  Traci

  9 months ago

  I am one big ball of contradiction. I believe that children are some of the most amazing people on earth and that families are essential, yet I don't want to have children of my own. I was beyond-myself excited about the idea of having a female president, but Sarah Palin makes me want to shove a pencil in my ear. I love sleep, but I sometimes feel like it's a waste.
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  Karen

  9 months ago

  My mother told me that actions speak louder than words, and I think she was right! You're living the life you built....as choices are there, whether or not you take them, they're always there. Taking responsibility for one's life is the first step towards any meaningful change. Mom also said "Talk is cheap." Right again, Mom!
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  Kristin

  9 months ago

  At one time, I had all sorts of opinions I would freely spew to anyone who would listen. I've since realized the flimsy nature of this sort of behaviour, and try to let my actions show my character. That said, I do struggle with finding compassion for the violent drug users of our town and the preteen mothers who, in Britain, have access to free birth control. I don't wear fur but do wear leather. I have no sympathy for any form of extremism, yet tend to keep quiet rather than argue with others about their views, whether religious, political or ethnic.
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  JoeM

  9 months ago

  I believe everything that happens in life is a teaching experience, and change is inevitable. If we stop learning and changing, then we are lost. But, I also believe that we frame our actions through awareness, and the more awake and aware we are the easier it is for us to frame our actions in a positive and constructive manner. Being unaware creates a possibility for negative or destructive action(s). Regardless of which we choose, we get feedback for our actions. So, the investment in the constructive or positive, versus negative or destructive, is constantly mediated by our awareness and willingness to change. The beauty of this arrangement is that it is testable. Wake up in the morning in a deep dark funk and wallow in it - guess what your afternoon is going to be like? Force yourself out of bed and go out and do something positive and creative, and guess what your afternoon is probably going to be like? I also believe we are emotional beings. When something evil happens to us, or our families, we can find ourselves suddenly believing in the death penalty. However, logically and in reality we know that a significant percentage of those convicted and given the death penalty are innocent. So, ethically the death penalty is an act that purpetuates murder of innocent people, no matter how we feel about those guilty. Not allowing for positive change in a negative or destructive act also condemns those who perpetuate bad acts for the common good to a non-redeeming limbo; combat soldiers for instance. I believe all humans can become aware, promote positive action, and grow, regardless of their mistakes. So, there is always hope for the worst of us.
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  Joannie

  9 months ago

  Wasn't it Walt Whitman who said something about contradicting himself and it being okay? It's on the tip of my tongue but doesn't reach my brain! Perhaps someone knows the quote exactly.
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  Joannie

  9 months ago

  I believe we should take care of the earth but don't always compost or recycle absolutely everything I could.
  
  I don't believe in capital punishment, which is not part of the Canadian Justice System - SO FAR - but there are some convicted criminals I might be persuaded to throw the switch on or give a lethal injection to; i.e. Paul Bernardo.
  
  There are some people I long to be close to but keep my guard up and my distance out of fear even though I'm an outgoing, warm, extrovert who hugs easily.
  
  I think I'm full of contradictions. I think we all are. Hey, I think that's what makes us so infinitely interesting as a species.
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  Jamie

  9 months ago

  Here it is:
  
  Do I contradict myself?
  Very well, then I contradict myself
  (I am large, I contain multitudes)
  
  Song of Myself, Walt Whitman
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  Joannie

  9 months ago

  For Jamie: Thanks Jamie. Isn't that a great few lines of poetry! :)
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  Joannie

  9 months ago

  I have a technical question - why do some posts provide for a reply while others do not?
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  licarrit

  9 months ago

  I don't think of it as contradictions but as a dichotomy, the Yin and Yang of life. I love animals yet eat meat, I care deeply about the environment but continue to drive my car, I love my daughter more than anything in the entire world but that doesn't mean that when she is pushing my buttons I don't think I might sell her to gypsies, but just for a second! The "failings" of my personality remind me that I am not god-like but human and therefore still perfect-able not perfect.
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  Colette

  9 months ago

  A. C. Ping has written two little books, one called "Be" and the other called "Do" in which he talks about our beliefs, our values and our actions. We may believe something, but it is our value of what we beleive that determines our actions. Like Traci says, I'm one big ball of contradiction. I believe one of our puroses is to head toward bringing our thoughts, beliefs, values and actions into alignment and that all factors need adjusting in order to doso.
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  Colette

  9 months ago

  Good question! I want to be able to reply to a reply every time. I want each post to have a reply "button."
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  Karen

  9 months ago

  I believe in being tempered and balanced, but have realized that in order to know where balance exists I must reach beyond, sometimes into extremes. For example, overindulgence or too much solitude both lead me back to a middle ground of maintaining a close social network.
  
  It is my contradictions that reinforce my beliefs. When I find that I am constantly contradicting my beliefs on only one side of the scale that I realize I need to re-evaluate what it is that I really believe.
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  hadley

  9 months ago

  You express so well my thoughts. Except it's my granddaughter who I considered selling to gypsies last night. But just for a second. I am perfectable.
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  Tammy

  9 months ago

  I am completely horrified & digusted by "factory farming" and how the animals that we eat are raised and treated, and yet, I eat meat in all forms without reservation. I realize that if I, myself,had to hunt & kill animals to eat, I probably would be a vegetarian. However, I know it's extremely unlikely that I will ever be put into that position. The plight of the poor in this country (USA) upsets me greatly, and yet I get extremely angry and unsympathetic when I see people panhandling. I'm sure there's more. :-)
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  Tammy

  9 months ago

  It's uncomfortable to realize how hard it is to put your action where your mouth is. It's so much easier, and less risky, to be a "back-seat driver." It's the path of least resistance, and most people adhere to it. I'm trying very hard to follow up my complaints about things with actual positive action, and right now I'm more in the "awareness" or "consciously incompetent" phase. If I can get to "consciously competent" I'll feel like I've accomplished a great deal.
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  laurie_matthews

  9 months ago

  If we are anything it is a bundle of contradictions. I believe in setting boundaries, but then work many extra hours which take away from my personal life and goals. I believe in the benefit of sleep, but rarely get enough of it. I believe in the restorative power of exercise, but don't spend enough working out.
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  Rushmi

  9 months ago

  I live the life of contradiction daily. When my head hits the pillow, I am usually OK with my beliefs vs. my actions. I believe in hard-work gets us our goals...I am a constant procrastinator. I believe in gentel words make for better relationships..I catch myself using harsh words and tones with loved ones. I believe that i am invinciable...I know that I am human.
  If only I can stop believing in things, and just let my actions guide me - I wonder what I believe in.
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  Cindy

  9 months ago

  I believe the answer to just about any question should be "it depends". Different circumstances bring out different parts of our personality, and I think that is okay. I believe God put us all here to experience, to experience the good, the bad, the up, the down, the concrete, the mysteries, etc... I don't believe we should try to define ourselves so narrowly, because the truth is that we are unlimited, encompassing all of it.
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  Joannie

  9 months ago

  Me, too! :)
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  Joannie

  9 months ago

  Very well said. Now why didn't I think of that! :)
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  MoJo

  9 months ago

  Joe: Wow. Beautifully expressed - to the extent that I'm not going to bother answering this one. Just add a resounding "Uh-huh, yah, what he said!" Thank you...
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  Emily-Sarah

  9 months ago

  This is a wonderful question. I do think we (myself very much included) need to ACT on our beliefs more instead of only giving lip service and/or half-hearted efforts to them -- and yet as so many have said, we're complex. A quote I read years ago has stuck with me, paraphrasing: "We humans are far too complicated and complex not to have contradictions." Therein lies our "struggle" to mesh what we say with what we do. And of course life adds further complexity in our ideal decisions -- ie. it takes more of a money commitment (that we may not have to spare!) in terms of buying ALL organic/more humane/more environmentally friendly items. Ah, life is a balance...but the fact that we are becoming more aware and more deliberate in our actions is progress (even with our contradictions and limitations). Thanks for reminding us of this!
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  Ellen

  9 months ago

  My beliefs are shown more clearly by my actions than by my words.
  I walk a tightrope beween cynical skepticism and compassionate optimism.
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  Carrie McCarthy

  9 months ago

  Well said Cindy, there is often a grey area
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  lezin bogan

  9 months ago

  i have certain beliefs and values that i follow and when put to the test i would hope that i would be able to stick to. people can say what they want but, until faced with a situation you do not know what you will do. talk is cheap.
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  Carolynn

  9 months ago

  I love your comment. This resonates for me and eloquently expresses my own dichotomy of thought and action. Thank you!
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  Daniel Gibbons

  9 months ago

  Hi Joannie: Currently we have the site set up so that there are only two levels of reply, but we are launching a revised site this month that will support more levels of reply (as well as tons of other amazing stuff!).
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  lisaohhh

  9 months ago

  this is even quoted in the style statement book! its one of my favorite quotes- mostly cuz it allows me to just be me!
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  lisaohhh

  9 months ago

  i say that i love my body, and i believe in honoring and taking care of it, but sometimes i smoke and drink and sometimes i think really cruel things about my body, especially as i age and things are 'changing'- its never been so critical to take good care of my body. i know this, but my actions are sometimes a contradiction.
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  LUCiaf

  9 months ago

  I rather quietly was homophobic growing up. It was the thing to do in my fundamentalist Christian Albertan background, generally speaking. We had a gay uncle and he was loved and welcomed into our home but it was understood there was something intrinsically wrong with him and he decided to laugh it off and called himself, "uncle Dud" but I'm sure it was not easy for him to be in that environment. Anyway, I saw the movie The Crying Game (didn't see it coming) and it rocked my world. I accepted a being before I realized what gender preference they were and then it suddenly seemed so trivial, what the genetalia happened to be. Anyway, I saw another play in Vancouver by Colin Thomas about Aids and I quietly at that point, became accepting and supportive of the gay community. Interesting my life was changed by two pieces of art - and the government of Canada just cut 4.8 million dollars out of arts funding but anyway...now that I've made a change...I have quietly become a spokesperson in my Christian community simply by being rejected from church membership, accepting of my gay friends, and now I'm putting my money where my mouth is and writing my own play about a young girl who is gay and the community's response to that. So, instead of hiding in shame over my former judgment and small mindedness, I actually have a real good perspective of why people feel the way they do, resisting gay rights and so forth...how loving generous intelligent people can justify that...so my personal experience having been on "both sides" of the argument should lead to a good balanced story. Long way to say, sometimes the flip flop, the contradiction, can lead one to be more compassionate to other's viewpoints.
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  Katasha

  9 months ago

  I have a comment about Danielle's comment re: capital punishment. I used to think the same thing. Until some brutal DID happen to a loved one. And even then, I still did not wish death upon the perpetrators. I have a basic fundamental belief in good and bad karma: people ALWAYS get what they deserve. Whether we lock them away for a long time, or sentence them to death or not. God will always right the wrong. It was this basic belief that I had that allowed me not to wish the ultimate penalty on those two individuals.
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  Katasha

  9 months ago

  Oops. That would be Carrie's comment, not Danielle's. . .
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  kerrymac

  9 months ago

  Supporting local artists, farmers and small businesses is important to me until we go to Costco and I go hogwild buying huge sizes of organic flatbreads, cereals and jams brought from the US. I feel like I cave in quite frequently with my food and environmental values due to the budget restrictions of having three boys. Seeing them drink a small $6 bottle or organic milk at snack when we could have a huge jug of normal milk for $5 and have it last several days is hard to swallow sometimes. I have also contradicted my parenting ideals more often than I'd like to admit. I hate yelling and I have yelled like a cuckoo bird at my boys before. Honesty is what I preach to them constantly and I have told many a little white lie to trick them out of a store or generally make things a little easier for myself. Yikes...I feel like I am a kid again at Catholic confession...I wonder just how many Hail Marys' I should say? www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com
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  Carrie McCarthy

  9 months ago

  Wonderfully said Licarrit. I am learning to be with my little voice that notices my failing, thank you for showing me I am perfect-able!
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  Carrie McCarthy

  9 months ago

  Such juicy answers from everyone. The gap between our beliefs and our actions lies the gold, how can we bridge that gap?
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  Danielle LaPorte

  9 months ago

  Praise be to the flip flop.
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  Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

  9 months ago

  I asked C&D about that the other day and it's being changed as we speak, I believe..?
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  Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

  9 months ago

  I didn't read far enough along... thanks Danielle
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  Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

  9 months ago

  Tammy - I am also conflicted about the meat/animal thing and have slowly eliminated certain kinds of meat (lamb & veal). I also donate to PETA, sign the petitions for change to the big companies who treat animals inhumanely. I have boycotted (by not buying) KFC and McDonalds for years, wrote the letters when asked, and recently PETA announced that KFC Canada (not the US yet) have changed their policies regarding the treatment of chickens (I watched the PETA video on their site and was very upset for days, but it made me take action). They are also introducing a 'faux' chicken choice, so it's good progress. This is our only leverage.
  
  I still eat chicken but try to do it more thoughtfully, if that makes sense. I can't go for a drive anymore without crying over the road kill I see.
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  Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

  9 months ago

  This is so true - and it reminds me of the days when I supervised a large, call centre and prior to our monthly meetings I would hand out an agenda to my staff, so they would come prepared to discuss those items. The last part of the meeting would be turned over to the staff for issues they wanted to bring up. I made one stipulation though, which was that they couldn't complain about something unless they had a resolution they thought everyone could agree upon. There were some great meetings and everyone felt like they'd had input and accomplished something.
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  Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

  9 months ago

  Bravo!
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  Cecile

  9 months ago

  I try to be true to myself. But I am not always successful. I am fully aware of personality clashes, yet in the name of peace I keep compromising what I really want to do. Some day I will be able to cut lose from some upsetting relationships I have in my life with which I have to lie for now...Hopefully oe day I wil be free...
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  Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

  9 months ago

  I feel 'dual' all the time (see both sides of issues and viewpoints, so sometimes find it hard to make a decision) and have always put it down to being Gemini the twins sign. My husband says there's waaaay more than just two sides of me. Anyway, as long as we are alive and living our lives 'out loud,' there will be conflicts within our choices. Just be ethical and mindful of the rights of other people...
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  Ellen

  9 months ago

  I have had a friend brutally murdered (by her husband!) and I also work with women who were raped and tortured as children. I, also, walk the line between the spiritual belief that all is one and the primal urge to kill.
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  Tammy

  9 months ago

  That's a great story, and quite inspirational. Good for you! It's amazing how exposure to the broader world around us, especially through art, can open people's minds and hearts. Good luck with your play!
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  Traci

  9 months ago

  The Whitman quote was the first thing I thought of when I read today's Q&A. But...it was 3:00 in the morning and I hadn't the capacity to remember it or figure where to find it. Thanks for remembering and sharing, Jamie!
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  Kristen

  9 months ago

  I have been known to wear a certain t-shirt around the house that reads, "I LOVE PEACE", while screaming like a banshee at my three brawling boys.
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  Jennifer Sage

  9 months ago

  The other good word is paradox and one of the great gifts of aging is being able to hold paradox. The tension of opposites.Like a good style statement!
  I think Rumi said something like it once; out beyond right and wrong there is a field I'll meet you there (that is not a commletely correct recall of Rumi)
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  Jennifer Sage

  9 months ago

  It's pretty grown up to work with if you are not the solution you are part of the problem
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  Jennifer Sage

  9 months ago

  Can we just say that to be Christian and have a gay friend (or friends) is a pure gift from God.
  Institutional church can be so hard and so black and white. I prefer to love, no matter how imperfectly, and let God be with us.
  My heart tells me to trust this way.
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  Jennifer Sage

  9 months ago

  Have you ever met the worlds perfect mother? such a being does not exist. Kristen, I loved this honesty. so earthy and so real.
  Just be sure the brawlers know you love them at times.
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  Jennifer Sage

  9 months ago

  Ellen I am responding to your posting below. I am struggling to put into words what to say.
  Something like If we feel the hate and rage and hard wired desire to take revenge and then (and it can be a long struggle. "God I forgive help me with my unforgiveness") we forgive; THAT is spiritual practice and worth something.
  I find it hard to believe or really trust immediate "Peace and love to all"
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  Kristen

  9 months ago

  Thank you....I sure did need to hear that. K
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  Alison

  9 months ago

  Beautiful. People attempt to be far too black and white when it comes to self-definition. Trying to see yourself as something simple that always behaves in the same way just doesn't work. Its lovely to see such beautiful things taken into account in Style Statement. Its freedom.
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  Alison

  9 months ago

  I'm rather contradictory in the way I both speak up (loudly) and keep silent. People are often surprised when I withhold my opinion and let people get away with things, or stand up for something I'm passionate about. I suppose people like to believe that you're either one way or the other.
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  Marie Leona

  9 months ago

  Hum... my belief that we, as a country/society, more often than not suffer from consumerism but I cannot help but buy the cutest handbag I saw in the store yesterday (this would be # 8...), and there are some days when some retail therapy is what seems to set my world straight!!!
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