DISQUS

Carrie and Danielle: How do you know when a decision is “right” for you?

  • Alison · 1 year ago
    I tend to go straight to it. The minute I start to overthink, I lose focus. My intuition is generally the first thing that speaks. It speaks gently but firmly, and doesn't force me to listen. I don't writhe, or flit until I'm off in the maze of my own second guessing.
  • Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago
    yes, yes...my motto: "First thought, right thought." Second guessing burns too much energy.
  • Jody · 1 year ago
    I don't always know when something is right but boy do I know when something isn't right. I feel my intuition at its strongest when something isn't right and I am getting much better at trusting that. I often can't give you a logical explanation of why it's a wrong choice, which can lead to second guessing, but I do know it is not the right choice. It isn't goose bumps or anything physical, I just get a strong feeling to shake my head no and my brain says no! If someone pushes hard enough I am sure my head does start shaking from side to side in a no motion.
  • Krysta · 1 year ago
    Oh - that is SO true! I know when it is the wrong decision - its an instinct that makes me feel squirmy and restless and awkward. The RIGHT decision just "happens".
  • Linda Borland-Fitzgerald · 1 year ago
    I ask myself how I feel, as I ponder each side of the decision. If I feel relieved, that's it. It's the right decision. If I am fearful though, it's probably the thing I 'should' do, as long as it doesn't endanger me, plus it's likely an opportunity to grow. In the end, I go with my intuition. First response is usually the right one which I equate with a new relationship, in that, when someone shows you who they are, (right from the beginning) you should believe them. It won't change, it won't get better. First instinct is usually the right one.
  • Maria · 1 year ago
    I feel it both ways. I get a sickly uncomfortable feeling when something is wrong and get goose bumps (or as my daughter calls it "chicken skin" when it feels right. If something is resinating on a higher vibration and feels really really right I get goose bumps and tears in my eyes to double confirm!
  • Traci · 1 year ago
    I'm sad to report that more often than not, I'll feel great about a decision and then start second-guessing myself. I'll spend two weeks calling myelf an idiot, and then everything turns out beautifully. I really have to break that pattern.
  • Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago
    This is a good question. I could say all my life I have been able to make decsions easily and quickly. But early in my life I could say the decsions right for me could have been not so good in the long term or not so good for others.
    My decsion making is just as fast now (Love that Gladwell, Carrie) but is more inclusive with less likelihood of a poor outcome in the long term for myself or others.
    Even our intuition matures!!!!! This is soooo amazing n'est pas
  • Kristin · 1 year ago
    I concur, Alison and Danielle. I could spend an eternity dithering around a decision. Trusting the gut is the second step for me, however. I've first got to listen to my intuition and really hear what it's saying, not necessarily what I want it to say.
  • Kristin · 1 year ago
    This is a great point, Jody. I'm far more comfortable with this interpretation, perhaps because what's not right upsets my balance and equilibrium. I often interpret the wrong decision more clearly than the right one.
  • bene · 1 year ago
    I sense if I have made the right choice, then I become energized and peppy. If I make poor choices my energy level goes straight down the floor. I just need to pay attention and I will know, though I am impulsive and often act without taking it in consideration.
  • Kristin (The Goat) · 1 year ago
    I'm a Libra. I weigh everything a million times to make sure that it's right. But what if I do this? But what if this happens? But what if... it is mind numbing sometimes. How do I know if a decision is right? I don't wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. Good thing the constant balance thing is only for large decisions. I'm usually pretty good at the minor stuff...don't ask me to pick a place to eat dinner though lol
  • Girl-Woman · 1 year ago
    Zen sparks is my term for how I feel when I know my decision is correct. It's when my right brain meets my left brain and there's a sense of calm in my head and gut.
  • Wazzy · 1 year ago
    when, rather than any part of me or my body recoiling at the idea of that choice, I instead feel uplifted, lighter, more free by making that choice.
  • Kristen · 1 year ago
    My best friend and I were having our nightly Style Statement chat last night, when finally it all came together....FEMININE CREATIVE and GENUINE SPIRITED.....now THAT feels right!!!!!
  • Emily-Sarah · 1 year ago
    Not to sound sexist, but "woman's intuition" came to mind when reading through the earlier replies. I do think men have intuition, but perhaps historically women have honed this skill more (and right or wrong, culture and society seem to give females more power and innate validity in this domain). Personally, yes, like Carrie, my intuition is 99% trustworthy -- and the absence of this intuitive feeling is usually accompanied by *physical* signs (a stomach in knots, for instance) that warn me I'm not on the right decision path.
  • Joannie · 1 year ago
    My intuition is always spot-on. It took me years to trust myself (my intuition) but when I don't I pay the price and when I do pay attention which is most of the time now I feel good inside, peaceful. My intuition is so fine tuned it sends up a firm NO immediately.
  • Princess · 1 year ago
    A desicion is right when after it is made, you don't lose any sleep over it. I have to agree with Danielle your first thought is usually dead on. So I try not to dwell or over think anything. It usually just becomes a bigger mess or more stress if you fuss over a desicion anymore than you should.
  • Dena · 1 year ago
    Usually after I've made the wrong one . . .
  • Kirsty · 1 year ago
    Bene...I get the same physical reaction when I've made the right choice: energized and peppy! But like Alison said in the first reply, if I second guess myself, I loose my focus, and the energy of my intuition.
  • Lisa · 1 year ago
    My body knows before my mind. Then I'm congruent, all of a piece, fully present with it.
  • Heather (Sophisticated Fresh) · 1 year ago
    Absence of anxiety, tension, and general yuck in my gut. Right choices feel clean, authentic, and like they have the backing of the Universe behind them.
  • lezin bogan · 1 year ago
    i go with my gut, if it feels right, i just go with it. i try not to over think things.
  • MelissaM · 1 year ago
    This one is a little hard to explain, but right decisions for me usually come with some sort of magic indicator... a perfectly timed coincidence that proves I'm in the right place at the right time; a witness to beauty that confirms I've made a good decision; or the simple fact that all of the details and logistics around a right decision fall seamlessly in to place. Wrong decisions make my heart palpitate and my stomach turn and I know right away that I've goofed.
  • Get Togetha · 1 year ago
    Learning how to trust your intuition is the key to pretty much everything. Intuition is a gift from the Universe cause it will always guide us towards the lessons we need to learn.
  • Get Togetha · 1 year ago
    I couldn't agree more. The choice just seems right.
  • MoJo · 1 year ago
    It's amazing how many similarities there are in how we all perceive those inutitive/thin slicing moments. I too get goose-bumps/teary eyed when things are perfectly right (like when I found my style statement!) But I've also noticed that I will get the churning gut/bad vibes when I'm facing a fear - sometimes it's the right decision, but it's pushing me outside my usual comfort zone so it feels uncomfortable - that's where I need to spend a bit more time figuring out if I'm just dancing with one of my demons. Sometimes it just needs to happen...
  • Ellen · 1 year ago
    I love both of your answers, C & D...
    Likewise, I feel it in my body.
    I have just made the decision to fly on my own professionally, which should feel overwhelming, but it just feels....right.
  • JoeM · 1 year ago
    I've seriously studied this question for over 30-years. I'm not sure we really ever know for sure. But, there are indications that everyone has a kind of "sweet spot" for feedback of some kind when they've intuitively made the right decision. It differs for everyone I think. My immediate feedback for simple decisions is a warm feeling of satisfaction and completion, but for difficult decisions, I usually find a feather.
  • Lynda · 1 year ago
    I have to agree..it's as if everything becomes aligned....confident looking forward not hesitating...
  • Ruth S. · 1 year ago
    Something that was posted in a previous Q&A: "When you are on the right path, the universe reaches up to meet you."
    That's what it feels like for me. Everything comes together just perfectly.
    I have decided to quit my horrible job next month. Logically everything screams that I should wait, especially with what is happening with Lehman Brothers and the economy right now (even more job seekers here in NYC). But it feels so right, I am going to go for it. I have felt a positive change coming for a few months now.
  • Emily Cline · 1 year ago
    I'm right there with you Sister Libran! Happy birthday early! But lordie,... I can't decide what to do this year!... :)
  • Ginger · 1 year ago
    I feel my intuition in my "gut"...my stomach either feels relaxed or tight. My intuition and the accompanying feeling have rarely been wrong...sometimes I just forget to listen or get sidetracked by "outside voices" and when reflecting later realized I wasn’t true to myself...lesson learned (more than once) :)
  • stella tinglin · 1 year ago
    I just have a feeling in my gut...if it's not the right decision, I feel kinda sick to my stomach. It has taken me a long time to clue into this clear sign. I have tended to overthink things in the past, not trusting my inner voice.
  • Carrie McCarthy · 1 year ago
    well put!
  • Carrie McCarthy · 1 year ago
    Amazing how our bodies tell the truth.
  • Diane · 1 year ago
    I know a decision is right when it feels like every single cell in my body stands up and says "yes!". Then after the decision has been made I feel a calm current running through me, and my mind finally stops ruminating over all of the details. And I know that all is well.
  • Carrie McCarthy · 1 year ago
    magic indicator resonates for me Melissa, that's good!
  • Uncle Beefy · 1 year ago
    See, this is actually a hard one for me to figure out sometimes because my head and heart like to argue...a lot! But recently, I decided to not listen to that little voice and made a "practical" decision. Later that evening, when driving back from a friend's house, that voice inside of me "yelled" DO NOT DO IT!!! I'd never experienced something like that...but this time I listened. I don't know what the outcome of that choice is or will be...but I felt a rush of contentment when I made it. So perhaps that's it for me? I'm guessing I'll start to figure it out much better in the future. :)
  • Susie Hutchinson · 1 year ago
    When clarity and peace appear.
  • Diane · 1 year ago
    I know it's a good choice when it feels right. I've made a number of bad decisions and always, they looked good on paper but went against my gut instinct.
  • Cindy · 1 year ago
    Ruth, companies are always looking for good employees, regardless of the economy. I was recently looking for a job, and I received a lot of traffic from my resume. Things worked out at my current job where I wound up not having to leave, but I am just saying that to let you know that you will definitely find a job (I always think in the back of my mind, I only need one job -- definitely doable!) Good luck on your job search!
  • Christine · 1 year ago
    I can't say that I get a specific feeling. It just feels right. However, if it doesn't feel right...trust me I know it. And if it's really not a good decision my gut tells me by making me feel really sick. Fortunately this doesn't happen often. But when it does I know I have to walk away.
  • Caren · 1 year ago
    I love that concept of Zen sparks.

    I do Zen cleaning until all is clean in a certain area and I feel the serenity. In other words, when the pillows calling out, "Please straighten me up!"
  • laurie_matthews · 1 year ago
    It feels good, like a deep breath, and I don't fret about it anymore.
  • Shelly · 1 year ago
    I read somewhere that when you have a decision to make and can't decide - flip a coin. If you cringe when the coin is flipped towards a particular choice - then you know to elimate that one.
  • Ruth S. · 1 year ago
    Thank you, Cindy. Yes, I see the whole thing as something positive. I am so excited.
    And re: the economy. What goes down must come back up. So we have good times ahead of us. (might take a little while, but good times anyway.)
    Besides all the other reasons I have for quitting, this job just doesn't match my style statement. So I really have to leave :-))
  • Keiko Lee-Hem · 1 year ago
    I was raised with mantras like "safety first", "think before you act", "you can't trust everyone", so when faced with big decisions, I usually err on the side of caution. A lot of times, the right decision for me is the one that challenges these old beliefs and forces me to step out of the safety zone.
  • Ngonzi Truth Crushshon · 1 year ago
    When it aligns with and helps to benefit my personal, familial, cultural, communal, spiritual, global values...and does no harm to myself or others (directly or indirectly). It is sometimes hard for me to make the "Right" decision.....when there is one I "feel" is right now...but may not align w my Goals in my future!

    I may want something....but do I need it....which decision do I make?
  • Gina · 1 year ago
    A decision is the right one when you can stand behind it with good intention. If you end up being wrong you gain experience and hopefully learn. I think the point to a lot of things in life is not knowing what is always right, but how to eventually be able to figure it out.
  • Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago
    Ahhh! Librians. Their art gallery minds have at least 2 large galleries full of the loveliest things. and then there the museum shop too.
  • Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago
    Two more beautiful new borns. Welcome to your new world and yes some decisions do get easier
  • Connie · 1 year ago
    Unlike Carrie and Danielle, my making decisions is never as clear nor quiet nor finished. I make decisions that leave wiggle room because I know how quickly things can change and how I need to be flexible.
  • Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago
    People like you need to run the country.
    Some ghastly wars have happened because some politician felt it was the right thing do do.
    What is right for an individual now may very well be wrong for their children and their husband and in reality themselves in the long term.
    The Aids epidemic spread because of a series of decsions all of which felt right and good at the time.
    When a decsion is made intuitivly (and I have great faith in intuition) the quality of the outworking of that decsion will be affected by the character of the individual making it and at least as important the circumstances in which the decision was made.
    Think about the Titanic.
  • Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago
    connie look at my posting 2 above yours
  • Ruth R. · 1 year ago
    This is a difficult question for me because stepping out of my comfort zone goes against my intuition. For instance, I recently went sky diving...everything inside me screamed "NO!" But Girl-Woman made a good point about Zen; when heart meets logical mind and everything is balanced, I know I can go ahead.
  • Betty Ann · 1 year ago
    when the decision that you made and all that would go along with it falls into place.
  • Jane · 1 year ago
    I once read that when you have a decision to make that is difficult, consider if it will matter in 5 days, 5 months and 5 years. Sometime, when I get that "fear" that Linda mentioned as coming with a growth decision, its because the comfortable decision is for now, but the challenging one is the one i'll be greatful for in 5 years time.
  • Scott · 1 year ago
    when I come to the right decision I can breath really easily.
  • Tamara · 1 year ago
    Oh, Jennifer, you have it exactly right! I love Danielle's metaphor, but you have hit it exactly on the head about how it works for us Librans. So many lovely things to choose from. So many good choices that THE good choice seems terribly elusive.
  • Marie Leona · 1 year ago
    It's a plethora of things... clear mind, strong gut feeling, calm, ease, intuition feels energized, things seem to be just so.
  • Tamara · 1 year ago
    Thank you, Dena! I was reading the long list of wonderful responses feeling envious of all these people who have an answer. I don't know when a decision is right until after I've made it and it turns out okay. Sometimes it seems to turn out "wrong" but then shows itself to be positive in some way. But I know my answer today is colored by the fact that I am struggling with the aftermath of a decision that seemed so right at the time, but now has taken a turn for the maybe-I-shouldn't-have. The thing I have to hold on to is faith that, whatever the decision, something good will come out of it. I don't decide based on intuition (wish I did). I make my choices in faith.
  • Tamara · 1 year ago
    I've done this and it really does work. Your reaction to how that coin lands speaks volumes
  • Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago
    Tamara, The gift that the universe gives us is learning. And also how hard it is for us to simply say I'm sorry. Forgiving ourselves is big grown up stuff too.
    I gain great comfort in knowing that for some significant decisions are just the biggest struggle. Jesus in the Garden of Gesthemene comes to mind. All his so human guts were telling him to walk away and he did not
  • Alison · 1 year ago
    Zen sparks? How gorgeous!
  • Alison · 1 year ago
    Feminine Creative and Genuine Spirited? You sound like an amazing pair of friends! That's magnificent. It must've been a memorable evening.
  • Alison · 1 year ago
    This reminds me of a conversation I remember occurring on Q&A about how your heart can still skip a beat after years of marriage. Being in tune is so very important.
  • Alison · 1 year ago
    Oh, Keiko, that's SO true! Often the biggest, most personally "scary" choice is the best one. Not necessarily stupid, but amazing and frightening in the sense that it puts your soul right out there. Very Style Statement.
  • Alison · 1 year ago
    Jennifer, are you a Bold? You've really got a brilliant way of getting to the point.
  • Alison · 1 year ago
    That's beautiful. I'm tempted to hear what you've gathered about other starsigns...
  • Jennifer Sage · 1 year ago
    I believe Edward de Bono has some interesting things to say about differing ways of getting to decisions.

    And I am remeinded about a quite old bit of Beyond the Fringe in the days when all out Thermo nucelar war seemed to be possible. Goes like this
    Interviewer: How is the decision made? (To press the button unleashing the bombs)
    Answer: We ask Mr McMillan (The then Brit PM)
    Interviewer: What if Mr Mc Millan isn't available?
    Answer: Oh that quite simple We ask Lady Dorothy (PMs wife) and she says Yes or No as the mood takes her.
    I guess my decsions only affect a very few people and my credit card.
  • Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago
    Ahhh! Congratulations. Always good to have another set of ears involved in crafting your Style Statement.
  • Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago
    well here's a semi-confession...I KNOW when a decision is right and I'm clearly clear on that feeling, but I am really comfortable changing my mind - not often, I tend to stick to my word. But I'm always thinking, "it's it's NOT right...I'll try something else."
  • Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago
    you're pointing to a great distinction: physical, primal fear and over riding it. I just got back from Hawaii where I jumped off a 20 foot cliff into a waterfall pool (I'm in AWE of you sky divers - I'm never, ever going skydiving.) It was a major deal for me because, really, I'm a feline and cats are bad swimmers. My muscles were freaked...but I still felt that quietness that said, "you're going to live." I also did a fire walk once. Same thing.
  • PastorMJ · 1 year ago
    I breathe deeply when I experience 'the right choice'. Even when it is a difficult one, I have a moment of peace that touces my soul. It is a snapshot of the path I am on at the moment.
  • liz strand · 1 year ago
    I have a feeling of contentment, comfort, and peace. It takes me awhile to "know" but the big things in life need time to throw in all the ingredients, stir them up, and come out with the best decision and live with it. A wrong decision still makes me restless, curious, and unsettled.
  • Tao · 1 year ago
    I feel peaceful. There is no more debate and chatter in my head. Just because it is a right decision does not make it easy. It takes time. It takes faith and courage to stick to it.