Carrie and Danielle - Latest Comments in How do you define your self worth?

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Ngonzi Truth Crushshon — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 15:27:10 -0000

What I do /give to others

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Karen — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 10:47:36 -0000

My self worth is strongly tied to productively contributing to the company I work for, for the salary I collect. As well as to how much my presence enhances the lives of my family and friends. I do not have the same gifts/ skills as others in my personal and professional circle so by adding my capabilities and having them used, my self worth is maintained.

Both of these also contribute to my sense of happiness or contentment, but they are not the exclusive components.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

alligator_kate — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 02:41:11 -0000

Amen! Thanks for sharing this. Put self to bed... have to remember that one :)

Re: How do you define your self worth?

alligator_kate — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 02:35:56 -0000

The more I love myself, the more I am able to give back to the world, and the more I am able to give back to the world, the easier it becomes to love myself, though it is also important for me to love those lazy, selfish, frightened bits too--- of myself and the world.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Kat — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 23:48:24 -0000

I've been thinking about this question all day, and I think it's been a difficult question for me to answer because I feel like this is shifting for me. I was (and still am!) a very driven, ambitious person; being a creative person and pretty much devoting a huge part of my life to exploring and fulfilling this part of me, I have always wanted to make an impact in the world and leave something beautiful and thought- and spirit-provoking once I am gone. But I realize that giving beauty and joy on a smaller level works well -- a genuine smile to the person who gives you coffee in the morning, a sincere acknowledgement for your supervisor for fixing your door, a phone call in the middle of the day to my mother and father, drawing with my niece and nephew and helping to foster their creative spirits, a comment in a blog to engage and show that what someone's written has really stimulated me. This makes my days feel as if I have been engaged and fully participating in my life -- and this feels worthy to me.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Suzyn — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:56:05 -0000

A-men! I was so proud to vote for Obama yesterday... and to discover that our voting system has some integrity!

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Suzyn — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:53:42 -0000

I starting to notice the same shift, though I often get stuck in the "oops, I'm sitting down, gotta be doing something" cycle.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

writer11 — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:11:34 -0000

Because I'm a work in progress it changes. Some days it's defined by how good I look or feel physically, which influences my emotional well being. Sometimes, what someone else thinks is waaaay too important to me.

And Weezie mentioned that it's her dog's admiration for her. I get that - because I find myself measuring the reaction of strange(r) dogs and cats I happen upon when walking. That goes for kids too and you know what they say about that. Guess I'm doing okay cause' I seem to attract them.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Alison — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:08:04 -0000

I'm like Carrie. Part of me is simply happy to shine and be myself. Generous, respectful and always actively trying to do things well. But another part questions my intentions, and clings to perfection, which creates anxiety. I sometimes wonder if I'm generous to make people like me, or respectful to hide my true feelings. It makes me uneasy, and I always feel out of whack when I start thinking like this. It just makes everything seem so empty.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

writer11 — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:03:19 -0000

I envy everyone who was able to vote for O B A M A! Let the healing begin....

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Alison — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:01:05 -0000

It's terrible, isn't it? Having to go through something so completely beyond your control, and feeling as though people just aren't doing things based on their love for you, but something else entirely. Harder still is forgiving, and learning that you're now responsible for your own happiness, and even your angered reactions to childhood neglect.

I'm happy. I'm glad that someone else has overcome something quite similar to what I myself have been through. And I'm glad that you're taking care of yourself. Your lesson is powerful, wonderful, and I'm sure it has made all the difference.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

pemsical — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:29:36 -0000

sorry for the repeat, folks, can't get my post to reply to traci's.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

pemsical — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:27:51 -0000

Hear hear, Traci!
Remember Neil Armstrong's statement, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"? Kind of feels like that kind of day today.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

pemsical — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:26:32 -0000

Hear hear, Traci!
Remember Neil Armstrong's statement, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"? Kind of feels like that kind of day today.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Laura Neff — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:48:01 -0000

My self worth is defined by how closely I live within my own integrity. Hmmm...and as I type that, I think there must be something beneath that idea that's actually along the lines of trusting and believing that I have a core purpose-a reason for being on this planet at this time with all of you-that has intrinsic value. THAT is core, unshakable, unarguable self worth that we each have in us. Then, on a daily basis, my FEELINGS of self-worth seem to shift depending on how I am or am not living in congruence with my core purpose. Wow. Great question!

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Ellen — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:38:26 -0000

Like Carrie, I feel worthy when I can practice my trade - in my case, that's working with people who have multiple personalities. Amazing in every way.

Still, there is the part of me that defines my worth by the amount of money I have in the bank and on the way....and by whether or not all my bills are paid.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Traci — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:17:26 -0000

I'm not really sure, but that's probably just because I haven't been thinking about myself today. I've been thinking about the restoration of the integrity of my country, about how proud we should ALL be of the step made last night, and about how all of us US voters together finally made this broken voting system work. It's a good day!

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Meredith — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:14:30 -0000

Wow! What an important question right now! I have been doing a lot of thinking about my self-worth and how I measure it. After having slumped back into my Fall ritual of the One-Woman-fear-of-Abandoment -Show, I relize that you CAN NOT, under any circumstances throw your self worth into the hand of others.

Here's the story: my mother and father divorced when I was little and along with my two sibs, we went back and forth between houses. Then my mother decided to take early retirement and live half of the year in another country and the other half three hours away. She packs up every year after Thanksgiving and heads South.

This year, I also dealt with the break-up of a 4-year relationship and the ending of another undefined relationship. Neither one put up too much of a fuss.

I woke up one morning with my hungover head throbbing, my back account nearly drained, and no one to call and cry to. I realized that once again, I had gotten caught up in the trappings of low self -worth brought on by the internal fear that other's don't love me ENOUGH. WHY DON"T THEY STAY? WHY DON'T THEY LOVE ME? WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH? And I respond by being excessive, pushing everyone away, and beating myself up. If other's don't love me, why should I?

Here's what I learned - you can't let others define your self worth! I recognize my self worth when I am good to myself and I treat myself like my own best friend - I stay on budget, put myself to bed at a decent hour and am very nice to ME! I have bubble baths, I dress nicely, I take time for me, I love me and allow others to love me. I don't need the validation of others. It is enough that I am enough. It is enough that I am enough for no one other than me.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Jess — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:26:43 -0000

By how proud I am of myself - not necessarily because I accomplished a lot, but even just in everyday decisions I make, like deciding to go for a run, eat something healthy, not put myself down...that kind of stuff.
I also look at how far I've come, and where I'm going and to always remember my roots. It reminds me of how unique I am and why I am awesome as is.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

LaLou — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:06:40 -0000

This summer I realized that for the past 10 years my self-worth was determined largely by my weight and whether or not I was keeping whatever boyfriend I was with at the time happy.

Where had that curious, strong, spunky 10-year-old gone? And who was this insecure, paranoid girl that replaced her?

Style Statement was the first of a few books, including the Art of Possibility--which I highly recommend--that asked the questions that led me back to myself.

Thinking and journaling about what made ME happy (as opposed to what made a boy happy or what fit in with the media's "feminine ideal") has made a huge difference in my life and my sense of self-worth: Instead of seeing myself as a reflection in someone else's eye's, I look within.

Genuine Vitality

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Natasha L — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:28:57 -0000

Perfect. The last paragraph and sentence is so true for me. Well except for me it's gin, but...well said.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Ursula Bamnolker — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:21:07 -0000

Danielle hit the nail on the head. :)

Ursula

Re: How do you define your self worth?

Susie Hutchinson — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 13:47:07 -0000

I suppose, just being me and living well.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

constance — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 13:35:35 -0000

I don't know if I do define my self-worth. I know when I like myself and when I dont. I think being thoughtful and slow and re-checking feelings. I like to feel I'm loved by those I love or at least liked; that ups my feelings of self-worth. I like myself when I act from the heart and mind.

Re: How do you define your self worth?

DanielleLaPorte — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 13:35:11 -0000

Yes! Congratulations! O B A M A. His speech last night was one of the most powerful oratories I've ever heard. The man know his self worth and is calling everyone to take responsibility for theirs!