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How do you define your self worth?

Started by Daniel Gibbons · 8 months ago

"Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” - Ann Landers ... Continue reading »

45 comments

  • dimnikolov

    8 months ago

    I've never tried to define my self worth. If you ask me, life is all about enjoying yourself, having fun and relaxing. Work, money, family, friends are just a way of achieving that. But if I start to think about it, I could say my value is to make others and myself happy.
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  • Pema

    8 months ago

    My worth is strongest as part of a teeming community of do-gooders, peace-bringers, and sea-changers: O b a m a !
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  • DanielleLaPorte

    8 months ago

    Yes! Congratulations! O B A M A. His speech last night was one of the most powerful oratories I've ever heard. The man know his self worth and is calling everyone to take responsibility for theirs!
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  • lifecoachsandy

    8 months ago

    My self worth is defined by giving and receiving a balance of inspiration, learning and vulnerability.
    Being in service to others is one of my top values, and being respectful of myself and others is equally important. Boundaries!
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  • Chantal

    8 months ago

    Not sure I think in terms of self worth. I have to think about that a little more.
    I do feel my best when I am of service, giving back, being creative and tapping into my inner wisdom. Living from the inside out!
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  • Jamie

    8 months ago

    I heard a story of a speaker who had a $100 bill. He showed it to the audience and asked how much it was worth. Of course, everyone said $100. Then he stomped on it, twisted it, folded it, squished it, crumpled it; you get the idea. And he asked, "Now, how much is it worth?"

    I believe deeply in the inherent worth of each of us, myself included. Nothing is required.
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  • Kristen

    8 months ago

    It's a feeling.....the way I feel when I'm giving it everything I've got.
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  • Wazzy

    8 months ago

    I guess I don't think about my self-worth very much. I feel a lot of love from my friends and family and sometimes I think that is the evidence of it in my face. This is a challenging time for me, in that I am learning to work from the inside out. And so...I am almost trying to prove my worthiness to myself, by taking care of myself.
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  • JoeM

    8 months ago

    It's defined by the limits of my constructive and positive participation in life - spiritually, physically, and emotionally. By the number of good works, the depth of their impact, and how many these works have directly affected, to some benefit. My self worth can only be judged at the end of my efforts, and they must be undeniably framed throughout with integrity, honor, and the selfless concern for others. Unfortunately, I seem to always find myself lacking, so it is a 24/7 job.
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  • Colette

    8 months ago

    In the past I equated my value with what I am able to do, so really I was not valuing me, but rather my abilities and what I accomplished. Over the last 11 years I've had the opportunity to revise this thinking. My value, my self worth, now comes from the perspective "I am valuable because I am me." This gives far more meaning to anything I say, think, or do.
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  • duck

    8 months ago

    When I'm challenging myself creatively and succeeding. Surrounding myself with good people and being there for them.
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  • Tina

    8 months ago

    When I'm with my kids - and I mean really WITH them, I feel that I'm giving the best of myself and I can see in their smiles that they appreciate these moments and what I have to give. I have never felt such self worth as I do when I feel I"m giving them my all and that day to day I'm doing my very best for these little creatures!
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  • laurie_matthews

    8 months ago

    I greatly identify with what Carrie said. My self-worth is often tied to the deeds I do and the service I am to friends and family and coworkers.
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  • weezie

    8 months ago

    My self worth is defined by my ability to make others feel good about themselves, my intellect, and my sophisticated esthetic (Sophisticated Harmony here).
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  • weezie

    8 months ago

    And I would never underestimate my dogs' admiration!
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  • rock girl

    8 months ago

    Good deeds/thoughts minus bad deeds/thoughts = self worth. I think I am only literally worth my net effect on the world, and every day is an effort to justify my existence by being a good person. This is not a bad thing.

    I also think self worth is different from self esteem, which I would define as something you earn for yourself when you put effort into things (work, goals, your appearance - superficial things) and which slips away when you are lazy.
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  • kerrymac

    8 months ago

    Much like Carrie about needing to prove myself in the past by accomplishing things for other to witness. Now I try to step away, do unexpected, anonymous gestures more and volunteer less for things my heart is not in...like serving sushi to kids at school!
    My self worth becomes obvious when I see how my boys need me...taking care of me so I can be there for them has become more important in my life as a Momma.
    www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com
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  • MoJo

    8 months ago

    Mistakenly I have defined it by my achievements and what I 'do'. In the past few years (thanks to motherhood and changing jobs) I have begun to shift it subtly to who I am, and how that is reflected and brought forth into the world around me. It's very closely linked to self-expression...
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  • Suzyn

    8 months ago

    I starting to notice the same shift, though I often get stuck in the "oops, I'm sitting down, gotta be doing something" cycle.
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  • Lindsay

    8 months ago

    i think it does come down to boundaries for me.... something i've always struggled with. I'm learning now to use my voice, be more honest and honor my heart instead of just being "the nice girl" all the time. Taking my power back gives me confidence and allows me to recognize my self worth more clearly... it's a huge step.
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  • Natasha L

    8 months ago

    By asking, how much do I have to offer and am I offering it? I wrote more but really it all comes back to that...am I living up to my potential? Only I can answer that.
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  • Steve Harvey

    8 months ago

    Lets do some math:

    (my actions based on love, values and principals) + (achieved goals and growth)
    minus,
    (my actions based on fear, ego and inconsideration) + (procrastination)
    equals,

    Mr. Creative Faith

    Validation from others has nothing to do with it. I mean it's great to KNOW I have great friends, family and a bank account reflecting professional success. Sure, these things make me smile, and happiness is everything. But I still need to DEAL every night I lay my head down, That is the time that counts most...for me. So if I am sleeping well (without Vodka!), smiling and laughing with friends, and NOT seeking approval...my WORTH is high.
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  • Natasha L

    8 months ago

    Perfect. The last paragraph and sentence is so true for me. Well except for me it's gin, but...well said.
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  • constance

    8 months ago

    I don't know if I do define my self-worth. I know when I like myself and when I dont. I think being thoughtful and slow and re-checking feelings. I like to feel I'm loved by those I love or at least liked; that ups my feelings of self-worth. I like myself when I act from the heart and mind.
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  • Susie Hutchinson

    8 months ago

    I suppose, just being me and living well.
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  • Ursula Bamnolker

    8 months ago

    Danielle hit the nail on the head. :)

    Ursula
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  • LaLou

    8 months ago

    This summer I realized that for the past 10 years my self-worth was determined largely by my weight and whether or not I was keeping whatever boyfriend I was with at the time happy.

    Where had that curious, strong, spunky 10-year-old gone? And who was this insecure, paranoid girl that replaced her?

    Style Statement was the first of a few books, including the Art of Possibility--which I highly recommend--that asked the questions that led me back to myself.

    Thinking and journaling about what made ME happy (as opposed to what made a boy happy or what fit in with the media's "feminine ideal") has made a huge difference in my life and my sense of self-worth: Instead of seeing myself as a reflection in someone else's eye's, I look within.

    Genuine Vitality
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  • Jess

    8 months ago

    By how proud I am of myself - not necessarily because I accomplished a lot, but even just in everyday decisions I make, like deciding to go for a run, eat something healthy, not put myself down...that kind of stuff.
    I also look at how far I've come, and where I'm going and to always remember my roots. It reminds me of how unique I am and why I am awesome as is.
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  • Meredith

    8 months ago

    Wow! What an important question right now! I have been doing a lot of thinking about my self-worth and how I measure it. After having slumped back into my Fall ritual of the One-Woman-fear-of-Abandoment -Show, I relize that you CAN NOT, under any circumstances throw your self worth into the hand of others.

    Here's the story: my mother and father divorced when I was little and along with my two sibs, we went back and forth between houses. Then my mother decided to take early retirement and live half of the year in another country and the other half three hours away. She packs up every year after Thanksgiving and heads South.

    This year, I also dealt with the break-up of a 4-year relationship and the ending of another undefined relationship. Neither one put up too much of a fuss.

    I woke up one morning with my hungover head throbbing, my back account nearly drained, and no one to call and cry to. I realized that once again, I had gotten caught up in the trappings of low self -worth brought on by the internal fear that other's don't love me ENOUGH. WHY DON"T THEY STAY? WHY DON'T THEY LOVE ME? WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH? And I respond by being excessive, pushing everyone away, and beating myself up. If other's don't love me, why should I?

    Here's what I learned - you can't let others define your self worth! I recognize my self worth when I am good to myself and I treat myself like my own best friend - I stay on budget, put myself to bed at a decent hour and am very nice to ME! I have bubble baths, I dress nicely, I take time for me, I love me and allow others to love me. I don't need the validation of others. It is enough that I am enough. It is enough that I am enough for no one other than me.
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  • Alison

    8 months ago

    It's terrible, isn't it? Having to go through something so completely beyond your control, and feeling as though people just aren't doing things based on their love for you, but something else entirely. Harder still is forgiving, and learning that you're now responsible for your own happiness, and even your angered reactions to childhood neglect.

    I'm happy. I'm glad that someone else has overcome something quite similar to what I myself have been through. And I'm glad that you're taking care of yourself. Your lesson is powerful, wonderful, and I'm sure it has made all the difference.
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  • alligator_kate

    8 months ago

    Amen! Thanks for sharing this. Put self to bed... have to remember that one :)
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  • Traci

    8 months ago

    I'm not really sure, but that's probably just because I haven't been thinking about myself today. I've been thinking about the restoration of the integrity of my country, about how proud we should ALL be of the step made last night, and about how all of us US voters together finally made this broken voting system work. It's a good day!
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  • Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

    8 months ago

    I envy everyone who was able to vote for O B A M A! Let the healing begin....
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  • Suzyn

    8 months ago

    A-men! I was so proud to vote for Obama yesterday... and to discover that our voting system has some integrity!
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  • Ellen

    8 months ago

    Like Carrie, I feel worthy when I can practice my trade - in my case, that's working with people who have multiple personalities. Amazing in every way.

    Still, there is the part of me that defines my worth by the amount of money I have in the bank and on the way....and by whether or not all my bills are paid.
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  • Laura Neff

    8 months ago

    My self worth is defined by how closely I live within my own integrity. Hmmm...and as I type that, I think there must be something beneath that idea that's actually along the lines of trusting and believing that I have a core purpose-a reason for being on this planet at this time with all of you-that has intrinsic value. THAT is core, unshakable, unarguable self worth that we each have in us. Then, on a daily basis, my FEELINGS of self-worth seem to shift depending on how I am or am not living in congruence with my core purpose. Wow. Great question!
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  • Pema

    8 months ago

    Hear hear, Traci!
    Remember Neil Armstrong's statement, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"? Kind of feels like that kind of day today.
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  • Pema

    8 months ago

    Hear hear, Traci!
    Remember Neil Armstrong's statement, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"? Kind of feels like that kind of day today.
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  • Pema

    8 months ago

    sorry for the repeat, folks, can't get my post to reply to traci's.
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  • Alison

    8 months ago

    I'm like Carrie. Part of me is simply happy to shine and be myself. Generous, respectful and always actively trying to do things well. But another part questions my intentions, and clings to perfection, which creates anxiety. I sometimes wonder if I'm generous to make people like me, or respectful to hide my true feelings. It makes me uneasy, and I always feel out of whack when I start thinking like this. It just makes everything seem so empty.
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  • Linda Borland-Fitzgerald

    8 months ago

    Because I'm a work in progress it changes. Some days it's defined by how good I look or feel physically, which influences my emotional well being. Sometimes, what someone else thinks is waaaay too important to me.

    And Weezie mentioned that it's her dog's admiration for her. I get that - because I find myself measuring the reaction of strange(r) dogs and cats I happen upon when walking. That goes for kids too and you know what they say about that. Guess I'm doing okay cause' I seem to attract them.
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  • Kat

    8 months ago

    I've been thinking about this question all day, and I think it's been a difficult question for me to answer because I feel like this is shifting for me. I was (and still am!) a very driven, ambitious person; being a creative person and pretty much devoting a huge part of my life to exploring and fulfilling this part of me, I have always wanted to make an impact in the world and leave something beautiful and thought- and spirit-provoking once I am gone. But I realize that giving beauty and joy on a smaller level works well -- a genuine smile to the person who gives you coffee in the morning, a sincere acknowledgement for your supervisor for fixing your door, a phone call in the middle of the day to my mother and father, drawing with my niece and nephew and helping to foster their creative spirits, a comment in a blog to engage and show that what someone's written has really stimulated me. This makes my days feel as if I have been engaged and fully participating in my life -- and this feels worthy to me.
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  • alligator_kate

    8 months ago

    The more I love myself, the more I am able to give back to the world, and the more I am able to give back to the world, the easier it becomes to love myself, though it is also important for me to love those lazy, selfish, frightened bits too--- of myself and the world.
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  • Karen

    8 months ago

    My self worth is strongly tied to productively contributing to the company I work for, for the salary I collect. As well as to how much my presence enhances the lives of my family and friends. I do not have the same gifts/ skills as others in my personal and professional circle so by adding my capabilities and having them used, my self worth is maintained.

    Both of these also contribute to my sense of happiness or contentment, but they are not the exclusive components.
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  • Ngonzi Truth Crushshon

    8 months ago

    What I do /give to others
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