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Heartland: First Date Interrogations

Started by Daniel Gibbons · 8 months ago

I moved to a new city recently.
This is not a big surprise. In the last ten years, I moved to a new city five times. The recent move, however, involved the desire for a man.
Love uprooted me the first time when I was 20. I left home for San Francisco to be with my boyfriend. [...] ... Continue reading »

10 comments

  • Elisabeth

    8 months ago

    But if that's not who you are, then who ARE you? Are you defined solely by your romantic "failures"? Were you fruitlessly searching for a man all that time, or were you seeing the world? building a career? learning about yourself? having fun??

    All I hear in his question is, Tell me about yourself. I don't hear the judgement of your singlehood that you hear. But if you're "a long way from 20" and you've done nothing, accomplished nothing, don't have anything to say about yourself, then if I were him I would not call again.

    I have moved all my life. You admire your gypsy family members. Why do you see it as a personal failure? Why not enjoy it?
    reply
  • DaterGirl

    8 months ago

    Thanks, Elisabeth. *I* don't think I'm a romantic failure...at least I don't think that all the time. And I *have* been nailed for reading into things. But his line of questioning was leading the witness, your Honor.
    reply
  • Thai Nguyen

    8 months ago

    I don't think there's anything wrong with being single. Don't let this guy think it's a weakness of yours or even let it define you.

    I enjoyed your story. Good luck with your adventure! :)
    reply
  • Traci

    8 months ago

    Maybe you've moved around so much because you are, in some sense, dating yourself. Uprooting is a new adventure--much like dating--and it's a great way to get to know yourself.
    reply
  • JulieG

    8 months ago

    I was single for six and a half years (well, with one six-month relationship in the middle), and I don't regret a minute of it. I had a phenomenal time in every possible way, and I don't consider myself one iota less of a person for it.

    There's nothing wrong with being single, and don't let anyone tell you differently.
    reply
  • DaterGirl

    8 months ago

    Thanks, Julie. To a recent date-turned-friend, I wondered aloud: "If we're looking for love, and we trust it will come, shouldn't we be celebrating every last day of our singlehood, instead of moping that we're single?"
    reply
  • Adam

    8 months ago

    I'm 20. Would you like a data sometime?
    reply
  • DaterGirl

    8 months ago

    is there a cougar theme song we can cue here?
    reply
  • Helen

    8 months ago

    Late last year I embarked on a short romance with a new friend after 10 long years without romance in my life and he asked me the same question, and I also remember thinking that I was lacking in some way, but now I would say, " that I chose not to be romantically involved with anyone because I was grieving for my husband, raising 3 sons, studying and also working " I now realise that I too sometimes define myself by the lack of a man in my life and yet I am so much more that my relationships. And now I see that I missed an opportunity to share with someone special a little of who I am.
    reply
  • Rick_Juliusson

    8 months ago

    I didn't even consider a serious long-term relationship until I was 30. Then I was finally ready, waited patiently and impatiently for another year or two, then the right person came along. She was a bit scared that I'd been a loose gun for so long, but she could quickly see that i'd been working on my relationship with me and the world, and that i was now genuinely ready for a relationship with her. No sense of failure or inadequacy, just recognizing and honouring where i was at each point in my life.
    reply

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