DISQUS

Chloe · 1 year ago

I would be me. Regardless of what past I have - the one that I have or one that could have been - I would still be me. I would not change it for the world. It has created who I am today, a woman that I am falling in love with more and more as each day passes, of which I am forever grateful as that has not always been so. I am continuously evolving into this woman that I have always dreamed of becoming and to wipe that past away, would be to wipe away the many lessons, loves, tears, and joys that make me who I am and who I am to be.

bene · 1 year ago

Woah! I would take myself less serious and have much more fun. I would live in the moment and fulfill my dreams. I would be bubbly, outspoken, strong and passionate. I would live and love everyday, be more present. I would kick my fear to the bottom of the Thames and do a silly little dance, then I would pursue all my goals fearless.

Kristin · 1 year ago

I'm going to take this from a different angle. I moved abroad to disappear from my past, and have since accepted it for the things it has taught me. I'm not sure I'd want my past to disappear, as it has taught me how to be free of the constraints of who I was. I am a better person now than I was then. I recognise poor decisions before they're made. I take responsibility for where I am in life because, as mentioned above, it's not always about what others do to us, it's about how we react to it and, thus, how we transform our lives in the wake of circumstance.

Kristin · 1 year ago

Beautifully put. Self-acceptance is one of the most difficult and transforming ideas, and how wonderful it is to go through the bad things and come out a butterfly. And being grateful for the past means letting go and moving on.

Lyda · 1 year ago

I'm with Chloe - I love who I am, if I hadn't experienced what I had thus far in my life, I wouldn't be where and who I am today... I just celebrated my 58th birthday yesterday by inviting over some of my friends to mark the day with me... they took turns and told me what they found special about me and what our friendship means to them... This stage of life is the best - I am so grateful for the wonderful friendships I've cultivated throughout my life and wanted to bring them all together last evening to meet each other. It was an amazing evening, and has left me feeling excited about the experiences in my life yet to come. To come to this point in my life I have experienced many losses, including the suicide death of my beautiful son, Matt - I've discovered that working through the grief of such painful losses has provided me with many invaluable gifts, and allowed me to be able to be grateful for the life i now live.

Guylaine · 1 year ago

I second that... I woulnd't forgo any experience from my past, for it made me who I am... and because I learned that good and bad (even very bad)experiences are learning and growing experiences... I try never to use my past as an excuse for not moving forward... except for little self-pitying moments that I accept and let pass very quickly...

Anna · 1 year ago

This question makes me think of James Hillman's book, a Souls Code. Some of us learn by contrast some by example and immersion. Being one of the former means my past has served me extremely well. I had the perfect dis-empowered, alcoholic family life to bring me to where I am today: a strong, happy woman with enough of a reference point to have real compassion. How can I be less than thankful for that? But for most of the rest of my family it seems a strong case of amnesia could be a blessing. So yes, I think it goes both ways. Our past can work for us or our past can bring us down. My question is at what point do we decide which is true for us? If the past is truly that, behind us, then can't we only question our thoughts about whether it served us or not? It seems we always have creative in the moment, even with regard to our past.

Mini · 1 year ago

I would be a woman who has airs, is arrogant and pretty hard to live with. My past - good and bad - has made me who I am today. Without my past experiences I wouldn't be as humble, carring or curious.And certainly not as open to change and being flexible.Knowing that in the long run things happen for a reason....Like this question...and The Style Statement!

Have a great weekend - you 'style statement' lovers!

Kristin · 1 year ago

I'll take you all up on this question -- If I didn't have my past and I could be anyone, then I would be accepted into any group, anywhere I wanted. Actually, I would not only be accepted, but I would FELL like I was part of the group. Not on the outskirts of it.

On my kindergarten evaluation the teacher wrote that I felt like I didn't belong or that the other kids didn't like me. That feeling has followed me around most of my life. I have no idea why I have it, how it came to be but I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be free from that.

Other than that, I'm a pretty happy camper!

Joannie · 1 year ago

Hallelujah, Chloe! I love your response and agree with it wholeheartedly. Without the pain of my past, the addictions from which I suffered, I would not have found the spiritual path I'm on or found the delicious, juicy, delightful woman I am.

Xai Vicente Charles · 1 year ago

Another great question. I would be more confident. Laugh more and not allow myself to be swayed by the opinions of others. I would follow my intuition more. I too would let go of recentments.

Ramona · 1 year ago

I would be confident. I would be the girl/woman who knows that she is enough. I would stop trying to do and be something in order to prove I am worthy of love and attention. I would simply "be"...

Cindy · 1 year ago

I would be athletic. I mean really, really athletic. I've struggled with weight in the past, and I let it hold me back as a kid... avoiding team sports, not giving my all in case I looked silly. I now have a body that I'm proud of, and I'd like the athletic skills to go with it.

Chris · 1 year ago

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I love myself, wouldn't be who I am without my past, whatever!!!! This is a wonderful exercise. I am going to try to be that person I really want to be today. I am going to lighten up and smile all day! Life is too short. Thanks for the reminder!

Susan · 1 year ago

I'd be somebody whose bookshelf was filled with juicy novels and pithy memoirs instead of self-help books!!

I've spent a fortune on diet, health, exercise, and home organization; but nothing's worked, until now that is. My copy of Style Statement seems to be the only self discovery I need anymore (and I've even dropped a few pounds and cleaned out a closet). Who knows? At this rate i could end up with that juicy, pithy literary collection after all!

Debbie R · 1 year ago

I would be more spontaneous and, like Danielle said, the passionate hot babe that my husband married.
I'd also be kinder - and always without ulterior motive.

JoeM · 1 year ago

The same person, only I'd probably be thinner.

laurie_matthews · 1 year ago

I would be married and have kids. I would have made choices for love over career.

Lisa D. · 1 year ago

Everyday I would embody my style statement - genteel radiant.
I would only be the supportive, inspirational person I desire to be & I know is my true self (genteel).
I would be more creative and expressive - I would sparkle (radiant).
I'm trying to figure out how to fit that into my career now - hmmm.
And of course ditto on that hot babe Danielle mentioned!

Chantal · 1 year ago

I would be a gypsy and live in each moment, each moment, each moment.
Living with my tribe in the hot desert sun. Dance, eat and breathe earth, wind & beauty.
Love is my religion. I lead life with my heart and express myself thru song and dance.
(saw Ammachi last night)

Katie Laporte · 1 year ago

i would not be in so much debt..id be less travelled and more "educated". I would definatly be alot less emotional at this time in my life when iam trying to figure out my past and not carry it into my new families future. But as the tattoo on my right arm says" Be true to yourself". Sometimes that's the hardest thing to be!

Maureen · 1 year ago

I would have been LESS playful. I would have paid more attention, worked harder in school and in my early jobs, been fiscally responsible. Instead (Just like my mother warned me) I am in debt I can never get out of, plateaued in a low-paying career, and . . . well, wiser.

Lisa D. · 1 year ago

Lyda - what an amazing woman you are! My eyes are blurry just thinking what you must have gone through with your son. You have a wonderful attitude and perspective.

Tammy · 1 year ago

Kristin, My 5 year-old daughter said something to me recently that your posting reminded me of. She said, "Mom, do you ever feel like you just don't belong here?" And I said, "You mean here, like where we live?" And she said, "Yes. Sometimes I just feel like I belong somewhere where people speak French."
This completely floored me and made me laugh, because we don't speak French and don't know anyone who does. It's amazing to me that thoughts like that, and your memories of feeling that way, start so early.
I feel also very strongly that there is strength in not completely identifying with any particular group and being "accepted." Being on the outside allows you to be a passionate, curious observer, a seeker of knowledge, and the master of your own domain. Embrace it! Conformity is for the birds.

Tammy · 1 year ago

If I could erase my past, I would be less afraid of water (swimming, boating, water sports, etc) and roller coasters. I would find energy and excitement in being immersed in the ocean or careening on a roller coaster instead of paralyzed by fear. I would embrace some wild abandon.

Jamie · 1 year ago

I honour and love the gifts my past has given me. And I hear in the question the call to greater freedom. And in that spirit:

I would take up more space.

Stacy · 1 year ago

Ok, like Chloe said, in theory I'd not give back any of the life lessons that have transformed me into the woman I now am. However, I would not want to be rude to the mirror angel and not accept such a gracious gift!! :) I'd like to lose the residual feelings of resentments, anxiety, doubts that some of the experiences caused and replace those with pure bliss, joy and celebration. So, keep the lessons, experience, maturity and just rediscover that youthful innocence, happiness and total acceptance of everything life deals...good and the bad!

lisaohhh · 1 year ago

i wouldn't have credit card debt. but even that detour taught me something. i agree with many of the posters that i am a composite of all the choices i've made, the experiences i've had, even the 'mistakes' and 'disasters'... who would i be without my past? i don't know. but i'm pretty fond of who i am.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

The Soul's Code is one of my most beloved books. Hillman's mind is like a magical forest. I'm an immersion learner - I learn by obsession.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Rock on free-flying wide awake butterfly women.
xo
Danielle

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

past life?

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

Ammachi?! Juicy juicy!

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

...And/But...yes, I too am immensely grateful to the core for every experience before today. The wrenching, scarring, painful -- all of it. That said, I think we all have longings to be our full selves, and what prevents that flourishing is often thought forms that we're carrying with us from the past. I think the soul intrinsically seeks freedom, and in my own evolution, whether its a memory from high school or something that happened yesterday, the past is a defining reference point that both blankets and elevates my essence.
xo
Danielle

Krystl · 1 year ago

i would shed the fear to try

Tamara · 1 year ago

Ah, well. I would be less judgmental; bolder and more assertive. I'd assume people thought I was as fabulous as I think I am and--knowing that I'd still have a humble spirit and a generous heart--I'd assume they'd think my fabulousness was... fabulous. I'd be an architect, a folklorist, an artist, an author. I'd now how to say "no" with grace and compassion, but with strength. I'd speak truth to power. Cocktail parties wouldn't make me feel shy, though I'd probably avoid them anyway.

But...

As desirable as all that is, who would I be if I hadn't grown up in the softness of the South, running in the back yard in bare feet? Who would I be if I hadn't sat on the porch swing beside my little fat Memama, drinking Co'cola, watching the evening trains and the lightening bugs? Who, if my mama and daddy hadn't taken me to Sunday School every week--and if I had not had that seminal conversation with Philip about the Upanishads? If I hadn't gone to a small, Black college instead of Harvard? If I'd chosen a job in New York first, instead of last--and missed Miami, Tennessee, Atlanta and Philadelphia in between? How would I know the meaning of forgiveness and the importance of grieving, if I had not made so many wildly naive mistakes? Who would I be without my sistergirlfriends who have been beside me (and thought me fabulous, as I thought them) all these years?

And it's not just my own past that is my past. It's the past of my parents and their parents. Granddaddy who sent 5 daughters to college on a hospital orderly's salary (selling hams and fruitcakes and newspapers on the side to supplement). The people who sailed from Wales, and blended with the Occaneechi, then disappeared into the "colored" folk somewhere along the redclay roads and tobacco fields. That's all part of me.

So let that hip and glowing angel stay away from my past. But she can sprinkle me with a little of whatever it takes to grow from that into the bold and fabulous truth speaker.

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

and...I've just started to see regret as a wonderful thing.

okay...enough from me, I have a plane to catch. I'm so appreciative of these great discourses everyday. Spread the love, keep it comin'.

ciao bellas,
D

Danielle LaPorte · 1 year ago

reminds me of a great quote from Yoda (yes, Star Wars' Yoda):

There is no try, there is only do.

asha · 1 year ago

I am riding the fence on this one, because a part of me wishes that many things in my past would've never happened and I yearn for the chance to "undo" some of the decisions I have made. But another part of me remembers a part in Tolle's "A New Earth" where he wrote that the situation we facing at this very moment is custom made for us to make us be the person we are ultimately meant to be (I'm paraphrasing, of course). So who am I to argue with a custom-made situation, especially designed for me? So with that in mind, I try to graciously deal with my past, and also the current moments, which will eventually be my past, and constantly ask myself what can I learn from this (as Oprah recommended)? It's not easy. But it gets better.

Kristin · 1 year ago

That's funny! My sister used to pack a suitcase and tell us that she was going to her parents home, in China. We lived in Michigan and I honestly don't know if she knew any people from China. I just assumed it was her previous life.

I have found that I like living out here on the edges, as you mentioned, but I don't have a single friend that lives near me. I don't have children, so I haven't hooked up with a Mom's group or anything. Then again, I know hundreds of people and I get along well with them - so it is all in how I look at things.

I think I could go on for days about this. LOL Thanks for the reply!

asha · 1 year ago

wow...i'm loving your post. very well said.

Susie Hutchinson · 1 year ago

I would be much more trusting and live a less chaotic life. I'd be fearless. Don't your parent fu^k you up.

chris · 1 year ago

I would choose to be me but a less serious me. I would stop worrying about what others think of me and just be myself. I am getting much better at this. It's true what they say, this does come with age and maturity. I like myself and that is where it all starts. I agree with many of the other posts; my past is what has made me who I am today. Some parts I cherish and hold near and dear and some I choose to let go.

chris · 1 year ago

They certainly can. However, if we look, most of them also came from messed up backgrounds. A cycle that unfortuantely seems to repeat itself over and over. They define who we are today only to the extent we allow them. Choose to forgive (doesn't mean it's ok) and move on.

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

a friend of mine was similiarly floored when her young daughter (around 4) announced one morning that she remembered being older, in a car that was in an accident... she had funny names for the other people in the car, one i remember named 'pretty pimi'. none of this was in an way related (as far as my friend could tell) to anything her daughter had experienced (e.g. not in her story books or videos). she even described the car starting to catch on fire after the crash.
so i'm thinking what danielle's thinking: past life?

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

cool

Kat the Drumming Diva · 1 year ago

beautiful! can i come, too?

Ruth · 1 year ago

I did break from my past. I never felt that I am like the other members of my family living in self-pity and focusing on their weaknesses instead of their strengths. So when I left and moved across the ocean, it was a freeing experience. I finally can be who I want to be and following my own motto: you don't like a situation, do something about it. It is sad that I had to break with my family to some extent but I am much happier and myself. It is like I lived in a box for 20 years and all of a sudden could come out. But all the bad experiences made me a strong and compassionate and I am grateful for it. Without them I would be naive, not as successful, unfocused. My mother does still hold power over me. So what would I be if I would be free from that as well? I would love my mother fearlessly without hesitation and would be much more involved in her life. As for myself, I wouldn't constantly analyze myself and look for other's hidden agendas and I would be better at math.

Krystl · 1 year ago

yes, perfect! i think it is "do or do not. there is no try." star wars is one of my favorite movies. i'm printing out a picture of yoda right now to stick to my monitor to remind me. maybe thinking of doing instead of trying will help me get past the fear. "trying" has such stressful connotations for me.

Ruth · 1 year ago

Beautiful!

Krystl · 1 year ago

so in looking for a pic to print, i found this other great yoda quote on fear, and just had to share: “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

C Martin · 1 year ago

I'd probably be a bit of a too "big". I think troubled times have probably tempered what would otherwise be a rather overwhelming personality. Time and age have also gone a LONG way in softening me.

Ellen · 1 year ago

I asked a client this question this morning.
Her answer, from a 19-yr-old survivor of incest and violent physical abuse: "I would probably be an ignorant, arrogant, naive bitch...and I don't mean bitch in a good way!"
Pretty astute for 19 years, huh?
My answer?
I feel I would be more adventurous, less compassionate, more judgemental, less depressed.

C Martin · 1 year ago

As an ammendment (I read the question wrong).... My indepence would run rampant becasue it wouldn't be temepered by any desire for security or bonds.

C Martin · 1 year ago

AND... I'd also be arrogant.

asha · 1 year ago

lol.

Allison · 1 year ago

Playful and free, yes. But I'd have lost the deep appreciation I have for who I am and what I can do. It's getting through the dark cruddiness that made that happen for me. I only wish I'd learned to only care what I think of me long ago. It sucks that I'm still learning it.

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

With a respectful nod to Bruce Mau: "A memory is never perfect. Every memory is a degraded or composite image of a previous moment or event. That's what makes us aware of its quality as a past and not a present. It means that every memory is new, a partial construct different from its source, and, as such, a potential for growth itself."

Karryn Ransom · 1 year ago

Without my past I would be very dull, totally ignorant and probably broke.

Tina · 1 year ago

Freed implies that our past has negative implications. Mine does. It also has glorious moments that I treasure. I have learned so many lessons from both, that are so much of who I am today that I have no idea who I would be if they were gone. Now.. if you ask what would I do differently knowing what I know now...oh my gosh...where to start!

Tina · 1 year ago

You would be a beige woman hee hee Totally dull...I think I might too. Hooray for the past.

Daniel Gibbons · 1 year ago

I like the composting metaphor... For me it's about having the self-confidence to say and do what you think and feel is right, without worrying about what others think. In many respects that's what everyone's baggage rolls up into: a reluctance to know and be yourself.

Kirsten · 1 year ago

I would know how to trust. I wouldn't question every person who enters my world wondering what they really want from me. I know that our past defines who we are today but I would like to redefine myself as someone who can simply trust. Not only trusting others but I would be able to trust MYSELF with my choices, decision making, the relationships I decide to put effort into and the ones that aren't worth it and what I can and am able to do in life. I would believe in me.

Kirsten · 1 year ago

Wow! So many of the responses here are so positive and so productive. I guess I'm not yet to that place where I can sift through my past and pull the good out of the bad and then use it to my advantage. I still have two piles in my world - the good and the bad. Now the bad pile is getting smaller and smaller as I look to recovery through Christ but it takes a while to allow that bad stuff to enter your brain again with that little twist that let's it transfer itself into a positive. But it looks like it may actually happen - makes things a little brighter knowing that it does happen.

Chantal · 1 year ago

Absolutely! Everyone is invited...bring your dancing shoes (or barefeet with bells around your ankles)

Chantal · 1 year ago

Love her! She blessed water that we brought home and I gave some to my pets...they are totally blissed out today embodying love and peace.

kerrymac · 1 year ago

I would be more trusting, I constantly struggle with being cynical and I hate that about me... I've learned from some tough experiences but still wish I didn't have them at all...whah whah! I'm done...got to go stick gratitude sticky notes all over my kids, house and neighbourhood, LOL. www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com

Leanne · 1 year ago

Its very normal for young children to remember one, some, or all of their past lives. They are very open to energy and being their true selves as their soul intended them to be.

colette · 1 year ago

I would be weak, dependent, unable to take a stand or voice my thoughs and feelings - I would not be me. Once I saw the secret and caught on to the truth about experiences, I was able to embrace it all from a perspective of love. But this came only after a heart wrenching experience and a physical break down which then catapulted me to where I am today. For this, I am truly grateful!

Karen · 1 year ago

I would ...

... not compare myself to others, but instead rejoice in other's talents and success and learning from them, would improve myself. I would always have something genuinely nice to say about everyone I come in contact with and I would not ever gossip about or judge others.

... trust my instincts.

... be quick to forgive.

... be more joyful.

Andrea Devis · 1 year ago

I would have the same essence I have now. If I were to be freed from my past I would be just that. Free, Liberated, Unburdened of the things I have seen and experienced. Granted every ground needs rain (bad experiences) or it becomes a desert (too much sunshine or good experiences), not every experience someone has shapes who they are in a positive way, sometimes it can warp what was already well shaped. Being happy with the woman who is beginning to take shape (Thanks Carrie & Danielle) I am able to hold on to my essence and free myself of the past and let it go.

Cindy · 1 year ago

This is not my song - it's Kelly Clarkson's (co-written.)
and...I assume...the beginning of the healing process.
Allowing ourselves to re-feel, to know and then let go - that's what I'm hoping for.
c



I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Angela · 1 year ago

I don't know who I'd be (hopefully a better me), but I'd like to shed the baggage and trauma of Jr. High and High School. But I'm too chicken to figure out what that is so I can lose it.

Connie · 1 year ago

I love this question. I've been thinking about it for over a day now. I might be a UN translator, what I hoped to be in college. OR, I might be a fashion illustrator OR I might be a poet OR I might be a publisher or an agent. I've dabbled in all these fields but have been a mom of three and married 2 1/2 times. Thanks for helping my mind soar!!

Ngonzi Truth Crushshon · 1 year ago

If I were freed from my past I'd be.....A travel agent, less stressed, more financially savvy-an investment broker, I'd own a business RIGHT NOW and not wait to later...I'd buy a piece of property and start a community center/afterschool center for youth in Englewood. I would elope and get married.

Caroline · 1 year ago

i would feel safer and trust others more. i would assume they were showing me the whole story and that they valued my relationship just like they seemed to. i would allow more connection with people and would need them to jump through fewer hoops before i could relax and enjoy their company. i'd be less afraid that there was something else going on behind the scenes.

LaKecia · 1 year ago

I totally agree with you.

Karen · 1 year ago

I started wondering about the angel coming and giving me what I want -- and realized I'm not quite ready to want it. Not quite ready to let go of the old fears. Really wanting it, and accepting it, means letting go of old comforts -- fears that I can hide behind, but yet also make me comfortable to friends and family. Letting go of those fears may mean they won't want me -- or I might not want them. It means letting go of a way of life I'm only ready to shed one transluscent layer at a time.

Lisa M. · 1 year ago

There's the risk, that without my past, I'd be a dull.