beautiful. When I was pregnant with my son I read the book, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys. And it gave me great insight into why it's hard to be male - not any harder than being a woman, both genders have their hassles, but I'd never seen the particular struggles of boys/men, so clearly. And one of the downsides is that losing one's virginity, for men, is so often positioned as a conquest. And conquests don't leave much room for emotion. The world needs Warriors who can be Lovers, and the loverly-ness is something that needs to be fostered - from birth to death. Women could do a better job of assuming that the tenderness is there in boys/men, even if it isn't always apparent. Hearts behind armor have a better chance of being felt.
Rick, I hope my son grows into such an aware young man. Thank you.
Storyteller
· 1 year ago
What a beautifully written vulnerable article, Rick. Thank you for giving me an insight into the world of a young man that I just don't get a chance to know. I feel if I ever have a son this article has blessed me with new eyes, new respect. But even more than that, it helps bridge the gap between "woman" and "man" for me. It is a revelation to me and warming, to know you have shared some of the same feelings I have when it comes to sex and vulnerability.
maritzay
· 1 year ago
Thanks for the story Rick. I really loved how you were honest about your emotions and experiences. Referring to what Danielle mentioned in her comment - for boys, losing one's virginity is seen as a conquest and to read about your own thoughts and experiences has given me a new perspective.
Rick_Juliusson
· 1 year ago
conquest, yes, that didn't come until later, but was the dominant theme through university and beyond. I think that needs to be a whole other article, because it's sadly too true
Ayrk
· 1 year ago
I had a similar experience on my first time. I had dated the girl for quite a while but for some reason, rounding the bases to home plate was a very emotional issue for me. It was completely unexpected and as I lay there on top of her I felt vulnerable, uncomfortable, and that nothing would quite be the same.
Our relationship continued to be great and we married. I continue to love her a lot and sex between us is great, but that first time I felt betrayed by all of the things I read and thought I knew as a young man. I discovered that for me, intercourse created an emotional connection to the other person and I was not prepared for that. I expected it to be more like fooling around, just a purely physical act.
So I learned something about myself that day. It took a few months to digest it emotionally. I really wanted to talk about it with my friends, but since no one else ever talked about that issue I figured it was just me being emotionally immature. Now twenty years later, I discover it is more of a hidden secret.
I had a large group of friends during college and I remember one telling me that another guy I knew casually had his first time and that he didn't last very long "two pumps and a tickle" was the phrase. I remember thinking that even though I didn't really even like the guy we were talking about, that was something that really didn't need to be shared, it left the other guy way to vulnerable.
While we all invision ourselves as swaggering jocks, boasting of our latest conquests in the locker room, I think the truth is that sex can be as emotional for young men as it is for women and that is not something that makes it into our culture.
jb
· 1 year ago
You are a nice considerate person, Isn;t Sex so lovely and relaxing and if Gor created all creatures why did he have creatures getting the most relaxation from our genetal area where all our waste food and drink are excreated.?
Beth
· 1 year ago
Thanks Rick! It was good to hear an authentic voice from the male perspective.
jp
· 1 year ago
What a beautiful article. I wholeheartedly agree that your first time has much less to do with your gender, and more to do with who you're with, and who you are. I'm a girl and I have to admit that for me sex really is just a physical act and always has been. I think the myths about girls being 'emotional' while guys are just looking for a 'badge of honor' are blown out of proportion with reality.
Me
· 9 months ago
Many don't know that God can be ever present in our lives and He will give us little promptings and bursts of strength to hold back from going to far in certain situations,,Thank you all for sharing the above examples of that.
emo boys
· 7 months ago
Reading this article something has recollected from the life when still was the little boy. All arrive on a miscellaneous, there are no general rules. Most likely it to the best.
All Comments
Rick, I hope my son grows into such an aware young man. Thank you.
Our relationship continued to be great and we married. I continue to love her a lot and sex between us is great, but that first time I felt betrayed by all of the things I read and thought I knew as a young man. I discovered that for me, intercourse created an emotional connection to the other person and I was not prepared for that. I expected it to be more like fooling around, just a purely physical act.
So I learned something about myself that day. It took a few months to digest it emotionally. I really wanted to talk about it with my friends, but since no one else ever talked about that issue I figured it was just me being emotionally immature. Now twenty years later, I discover it is more of a hidden secret.
I had a large group of friends during college and I remember one telling me that another guy I knew casually had his first time and that he didn't last very long "two pumps and a tickle" was the phrase. I remember thinking that even though I didn't really even like the guy we were talking about, that was something that really didn't need to be shared, it left the other guy way to vulnerable.
While we all invision ourselves as swaggering jocks, boasting of our latest conquests in the locker room, I think the truth is that sex can be as emotional for young men as it is for women and that is not something that makes it into our culture.